I'm supposed to be going on holiday on Friday. I get back early Saturday week (like, 3.45 am).
My best mate in the world ever ever ever nearly succeeded in killing himself on Sunday. And is more than likely going to try again.
So, I don't really want to go. Not if I'm going to come back and be going to his funeral. I would never forgive myself for it. I love him so much. So it seems pretty simple. And I really don't want to leave him like this.
But I know that if he gets through this [which he will, won't he?] he'd never forgive himself for "making me" not go on my end of A levels holiday that I've been looking forward to since Febuary. I really want to go. I just want him not to die more.
I have more stuff to say but I'm exhausted so I'll probably update after I'm back [if I go] - but I'm at risk of getting kicked out of my house & also I lost the one thing I used to use to stop cutting, so stuff like that's gone a bit tits up.
But yeah, what would you do [re holiday & mate]?
unfortunately we cant tell you....it has to be what YOU feel is right. Whether we agree with the decision is irrelevant, it is what is right for YOu that is ultimately important.
It's an awful spot to be in...
romp
probably kick myself for this later...but it is what you already know to be true...just not what anyone wants to thinkor believe...you cannot possibly keep him safe 24/7...if he decides to do it, you can do only so much. You have alerted his family to what is happening/happened, etc,. Hunni, i know it sounds heartless to say..but all you can do is what you HAVE done and what youare doing...and that includes loving him. I hope like hell it is enough for both of you...enough to keep you both safe..because there is nothing else youcan do.
Ok, say you didnt go and stayed hoem...who's to say that week is the only week when an attempt is likely to happen? Do you see what i mean? This is very to say and write without sounding like a heartless bitch..it really is. But you asked, so im telling you and im responding to YOU right now and no one else...
and i think now is time to shut up...
romp
Chels.......Im a firm believer in that if someone is determined to kill themselves they will always find a way whether you are there or not.
If you didnt go on holiday, would you be by his side constantly for the week? Because if he is determined, that is what it would take to keep him safe....and even then its not guaranteed.
I really hope you feel you can go on holiday and I sincerely hope your best mate stays safe for you whilst youre away.
chels...
like you said...youve been looking forward to this since february. if someone is going to commit suicide...they will find a way. you cant save them hunni. i know you worry so much for people. i want to tell you to go on this holiday and have a great time!!!! you need it chels. youve worked hard for it. please dont deprive yourself.
much love.
xx
Please go.....
there is no way you can keep him from doing what he will do.
Believe me,if they want to even being with them or there for them 24/7 will not prevent anything.
I know from my daughter, I would be there 24/7...but before the week is out you will at sometime have to sleep or go to the bathroom, if they want to they will take that time to do it.
Sorry, but I believe in fate....if something is going to happen it will and will be for a reason, just like the timing for this trip...all this has come up for a reason.
Got to do what you think is best, and also take care of you. For what it's worth, I think you should go.
Under any other circumstances, an exuberant Roman soldier would be my idea of a perfect morning. – Capt Jack Harkness – Torchwood
Capt.Jack: Who looks at a screwdriver and thinks, 'Ooo, this could be a little more sonic?'" The Doctor: What, you've never been bored? Never had a long night? Never had a lot of cabinets to put up?
You have been looking forward to this for along time now, let yourself have some fun.
It is hard when you know someone is suicidal and could try doing something to risk thier life but you cant be there all the time.Like everyone else said you cant stop people doing something if their mind is set to it and they will do it when you least expect it.
If he dies, then there was a reason.It wouldnt be your fault.
dont let this effect your life completly because if nothing happens if you dont go then you will regret it.
