Made my best friend realise I'm not good for her

[my_smile_is_fake]

So I have, scratch that- had, this one amazing best friend who from the moment we met, we just kind of clicked more than anyone else I've met. We just got each other. Supported each other 100% Could say absolutely anything to each other and it was never too much.
We are a 10 minute walk away, work together, gym together. We would see each other pretty much every day.
She noticed my scars on my arms so asked me about them. Then opened up saying she has struggled with metal health. And since then, we have kind of been each others "go to". Our motivations, inspiration. Generic get through it life people.
But I've also known we can tend to pull each other down. If one of us is off, its easy for the other to get pulled in if we are not careful. But for the most part, we couldn't imagine life without the other.
But this last few weeks I've been struggling. ALOT. And I know she has too. So Ive tried so hard to not rely on her. Ive tried to distance as much as possible, without upsetting her. For one reason or another, I've not seen my psychologist for 5 weeks, and don't have any other professional help - thats a whole other long story.
But this week I realised that I'm a huge part in what makes her worse. So we had a short chat last night about it. She was of the mindset that I was saying it cause I was being down on myself.
But this morning, I got a long message from her saying she realised it was true. After the chat she struggled this morning and only put it down to me.
So now, we have to work together. But she (and partially me cause Im in the phase of push people away so I can't hurt them) doesn't want us to be close at all. And its fucking breaking me.
Everything in my life involves her. I don't know what to do. Im annoyed that again my head has managed to fuck up a relationship I've actually managed to make. I just have so much noise going on in my head I can't break it down to be manageable. I don't know who to turn to. I don't want to have any friends know about my head cause it just ends like this.

I wish I could be picked up and taken out of my current environment. Not have to try and be functional, and just have a breakdown and self destruct for a bit.

I just don't know what to do next

[Sketchy]

I don't have useful advice, but I have read it and can imagine how upsetting this must be. I hope you can get through this and reach a stage where you can both be friends again, even if it's not best friends. This is not your fault.

[HopeRises]

Again I don't have any advice but I can imagine how hard it is. I had a similar issue at/after leaving school where my best friend just started distancing because I was just too much. We don't talk at all now and sometimes when I look back i feel it's a massive shame and that was 8yrs ago now.

She might change her mind being as you work together. Do you think she's thinking this because she's having a hard time of it too?

I've just (hopefully) got over a problem with my current friends and I know it was really because I was struggling with my MH.

Apart from that try and focus on you, what you need to do and hopefully you might meet different people at the gym etc. At the end of the day it's her loss after all but I know that is really hard to deal with. Make sure you look after yourself aswell

[Wonderland.]

Maybe you guys just need a little space and other interests away from each other.

My best mate (I say this in past tense as she passed away a couple of years back) we were very close, like you guys we could tell each other anything. We spent quite a lot of time with each other but it wasn't every day as we knew we would get under each others feet. We spoke most days though but made sure we had other friends and interests outside our friendship so that we didn't rely on each other too much. She also had mh problems, as do I.

What I'm trying to say is that just because you both have your issues, doesn't mean it's not going to work out in the end. Why not for both of you draw up a timetable and plan to see each other a couple of times a week. And fill in your other time with other stuff like self-care, meeting up with different friends (if you have any) or trying a new hobby, maybe some voluntary work, the gym even.

You could also look at the time you do spend together. I mean if you are just sat together everyday talking about your problems then that is likely to get each other down. And thats not personal, it's just not nice in general when a close mate is struggling and you don't know how to really make a different. If you plan some fun activities to do together then it might make some difference. Obviously I don't know what you like doing but some ideas of what you could do is going bowling, the cinema, ice skating, go to one of them trampoline places, even just going for a walk round a park.

I hope that some of that helps.

[my_smile_is_fake]

Hi. Thanks for replying everyone.
So we only work together one day a week. So its not like a 9-5 5 days a week kind go in each others faces. And we both have our own friends/ hobbies. So again, we kind of have been doing what you suggested.

Im really hoping that give it a few weeks, we will be able to do stuff together like the gym or theatre etc. It justas the moment feels like the worst break up ever.

All weeks been hard. Ive genuinely never cried so much and am on the verge of constant panic attacks. And I'm someone who doesn't typically have panic attacks. Its just like I'm missing such a big part of my life.

[Sketchy]

It's understandable to be upset. I hope you can be kind to yourself and take care. Give it time. Maybe you both need a bit of space. In the meantime do nice things that make you feel better, that takes care of you.