Am I A Bad Person?

[Winchester Angel]

So I wrote this at least a dozen times and wondered if it was even something that was ok to post.

I've had mental health problems from depression when I was young up to Psychosis and PTSD which I was diagnosed with in 2012. I have really bad social anxiety but until a few months ago I had a few friends I could confide in and who I felt understood me.

A few months ago they turned on me saying that I was like an emotional vampire and that they thought the things I said about my MH was b***s***.

It's always been hard for me to trust people and open up to people and explain what goes on in my head. I've tried so hard just to get my MH team to try to understand me and they're currently reassessing me because my new care worker thinks my diagnosis is wrong. I'm being tested for personality disorders, which is hard for me to wrap my head around because I don't want to be this way forever, I want to recover and live as full of a life as I can.

The past few months my mental health has been awful and so unstable. I've been so worried about how people perceive me in everything I do and I have felt so alone with no one to talk to. I worry that because I've lost even more friends because of my MH that it makes me a bad person who is doomed to be alone forever as some kind of punishment.

[Eir]

No you're not. If you were, you wouldn't be so worried about it.
Sorry I don't have more to say about it.
Take care,
Annie

[Unbreakable.]

Personality disorders can be treated and people DO recover from them.
Even people who don't fully recover can learn to manage the symptoms well enough to live a normal life.
A personality disorder diagnosis doesn't mean you'r doomed, lost or untreatable.

When people are mentally unwell they can act in unpleasant manners at times and upset others. That doesn't make them bad people. I find myself more accepting of that/find it easier to deal with it when I understand what people are going through and when I can see them trying to get the help that they need to challenge certain patterns in their actions.
That doesn't mean that I don't get upset at them or that I wouldn't tell them they are acting in an unacceptable manner. It means, that in a friendship, I would always hope for open and honest communication because that is the only way to find ways to improve any problems in a relationship of any kind.

[stumpy]

I don't think these friends understand MH problems, and are being very insensitive, by suggesting that your MH was b***s***, if they can't have any understanding, then perhaps their not the kind of friends you'd want to be around in the first place.

I think the MH team reassessing you because of your new care worker thinking your diagnosis is wrong, could be a good thing, as this might make it easier for them to help you better, your not a bad person, and are not doomed to be alone forever as some kind of punishment, just because of of your mental health.

Personality disorders can be treated and managed well, contrary to popular beliefs, and people do lead a normal life, it's better to be treated for what they truly think is wrong, than be treated for something that you don't have, that isn't going to help, I hope you're friends realise the mistake they've made, and that you can resume the friendship once your friends appear to have calmed down, and learnt to have more understanding.

Good luck with the assessment, I hope they make a decision soon on what they truly think is wrong, and that they manage to treat it effectively

Don't forget, you are not your illness, and deserve to be treated with respect by others

[ratboy75]

Agreed - it seems your so-called friends aren't really because they haven't stuck with you and don't really understand your situation