*Positive Recovery Post* - I can't keep living like this. *Update post #38*
I'm planning to make a huge leap in recovery on Friday,,, I'm thinking about asking my team if I can be admitted to hospital to at least start the re-feeding process (Hopefully I won't be there for 6 months like last time, but what will be, will be.) as I can't do it here alone, the risk to my health is high if I'm not monitored while re-feeding, & the fact that its so easier to slide at home. I'm scared, but I need to do this, I don't want to end up going on a section, I'd rather go on my own say so, & after all, I'm killing myself like this.
Could do with a little bit of support, as my Anorexia is flaring up no end due to this decision, I keep wanting to back out of it... saying I'm not thin enough & It means leaving my family, friends, my cat, everything, for I don't know how long & I have to travel to England & its really difficult.
Last edited by EyelinerAndCigarettes : 31-07-2015 at 06:20 PM.
Helen what a wonderful, strong, brave woman you are!
Anorexia does not want what is best for you. Anorexia does not care about anything but making you so weak and unwell that you eventually die. Helen, on the other hand, is a caring and sweet person who loves her cat, her family, and wants to recover so she can live more of her life again. Anorexia doesn't care about those things.
It's understandable you're feeling a bit wobbly about the decision, but long term I think it's a very positive one that will benefit you. Planning an admission gives you the control, you can arrange where Maya stays for example, rather than being sectioned and having no warning and no time to sort things.
So proud of you!
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
This is a really brave decision and I wish you all the best. *hugs*
For you to be here now trillions of drifting atoms had somehow to assemble in an intricate and intriguingly obliging manner to create you. It's an arrangement so specialized and particular that it has never been tried before and will only exist this once. That is of course the miracle of life.
-Bill Bryson
Don't ever frown because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.
You should be proud of yourself, I am! This is a huge step, really, it's amazing to see. You deserve to be free of this. You don't deserve to suffer. Love you <3
This a massive step and such a brave one. Well done on this decision and even though it is scary and you have lots of thoughts to the contrary, this is the absolute right thing to do.
Is there someone who will the there tomorrow that could text asking in advance of tomorrow? Or write it down to give to them if saying the words is too much?
You are being so strong, hold on a little bit longer.
*gentle hugs* lovely Helen. You deserve health and happiness so much. Please don't listen to Anorexia. How did it go with your team?
So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
I'm afraid I didn't manage it, I had so much other stuff going on that it didn't really seem appropriate in therapy to ask, or at least that's what the Anorexia said.
I am seeing my CC on Friday though, & I'm going to attempt to ask then, if that fails, I'm going to force myself to write a letter or ask my Mum to ring for me.
Eek.
What about writing the letter and taking it to your appointment?
Sounds like a really brave step so good luck
When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty. ~Woody Allen
Is a chocolate muffin loving glitter ball
Your support is so valuable to me <3
