Contains abuse - How do I let my past go?

[StephenDay1998]

My past is a dark one, I've experienced many things on my short 16 years here on this planet...and I think its time to release those things..because..I really can't let them go..

Now...where do I start...? At my age of 4 years old...my mum had this...abusive boyfriend...who..would always beat me up...he was a scumbag...a huge one...he forced alchohol down my throat..at 4 years old...I heard only recently that he got arrested.. I was moved away from my mum at around 6 years old...to live with my aunt..but the abuse didn't stop...my cousin and uncle done the abusing now...always getting beat up...and at one point..my cousin broke my arm...I was finally reunited with my mum at around 12 years old...abusing still happened with my stepdad now being the one doing the abusing...this time it was verbal abuse...calling me "fat" "ugly" "a waste of space" I still have to deal with that...

How do I let this past go...? I can't do it...

[iSeeSkysOfBlue]

I can relate to you in some ways. I am not making this about me but trying to give an example. Abusive behavior has become all I know. I am constantly knocked down (mostly before I have the chance to get up again). It seems like you are too. i finally saw how badass that makes me. Blow after blow and I still get back up. That is serious strength. You have that same strength too. The fact that you have fought through such abuse is amazing. You are amazing. I think you are great just the way you are. Your perseverance gives me hope for myself. I will be your friend. I think you should tell an adult about this.

[talaiporia]

Have you ever been able to talk to anyone about what happened, and how it's affected you? Sometimes talking can really help to heal old wounds, so to speak. In terms of letting go of the past - it isn't easy. Some people find writing it down helpful, either as letters or journals, or even as a letter to someone (such as an abuser) that doesn't need to be sent (some people even shred them or burn them) but helps vent those feelings.

[StephenDay1998]

Thanks for the responses...they really do mean a lot...

I do talk to one person about these things, and that's my girlfriend, she is always there for me whenever I need her.But I don't think it helps to talk about it...I usually write my feelings down on paper...it really helps a ton...

[spiders*web]

If writing helps, keep doing it. If it starts to feel that's not enough, seek outside help - counselling can be really helpful to sort out how you feel.

Also, look towards the time you will be away from all these abusers, creating your own life. I'm 30 now and I still remember when a friend's mum told me at age 13 that one day you will be away from all those who hurt you growing up. It's true, I am now, and you will be too.

It might not be an easy journey as you find your own way, and you might need to seek help from health professionals like I did, but there's no greater feeling than reflecting on yourself as a self sufficient adult knowing you got yourself there, you did it.

Above all, always recognise and acknowledge you have been put through some serious shit, like so many others cannot imagine. Eventually it will become clear that there is a fine line between acknowledging that, and letting that drag you down. I personally think a certain amount of wallowing, and anger, and acting out because of it isn't necessarily the wrong thing but actually par for the course. So long as in time you are able to put the blame and hate where it belongs, and that place to put it is as far away as possible from your sphere of living xx