Marie (MissAnonymous) has been struggling with eating related issues recently and is trying really hard to not let the bad thoughts about weight loss etc to control her which I am super proud of but she could do with some support regarding this at the moment!
I'm really sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment. Well done for trying so hard not to let those thoughts control you, that can be very overwhelming sometimes, so you should be very proud about that.
Would it help to talk about what's going on for you?
If you'd ever like to talk, I'm always around. Take care x
Sorry to hear you're struggling. You're incredible strong, loved and capable. I have total faith you can get through this rough patch. We're here for you if you want to talk about what's going on.
It's so hard- impossible to say how much in words- to deal with those thoughts, but you're doing so well to try to fight them. Keep going lovely, we're here for you
So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
I'm sorry things are so difficult at the moment Marie. Just leaving love and hugs for you xx
"I know you're sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day. Instead, I advise you to simply have a day.
Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and don't give up on yourself just yet.
It'll get better. Until then, have a day."
I'm gonna be the annoying one to quote you at yourself!
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissAnonymous
This time 2 years ago I was in a [barely] living hell.
and
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissAnonymous
I will keep on top of this. I never ever want to be ill again. I have never appreciated my physical [and mental] health as much as I have in recovery. I didn't know how bad I was until I got better. And I hazard a guess most people don't.
Recovery is enlightening, I wish I could show every one of you here what it is like!
Right now it might feel like ignoring the thoughts and powering through would be just horrendous, and maybe restricting for a bit would indeed feel pretty good, but it wouldn't stop there. Remember what it's like to get into the depths of an eating disorder. You don't want to go there, and you have the strength within you to avoid getting back there.
Sending lots of positive thoughts your way! So sorry you're struggling at the moment and I hope things get easier soon.
I read your threads, Marie, and although the negative thoughts are slipping through, what stands out more is your amazing bravery in trying to resist them. Given that restriction is the absence of a behaviour, it is so easy to be in denial or justify it to oneself. The fact that you are so aware of the dangers of going down that road is brilliant; just please try and accept that you deserve to be well and free of an eating disorder.
At the weekend I went to stay with friends and I ate pretty normally, it helped to be in a different place but I also ate better because people could see. There is definitely something in it for me whereby when I am on my own I don't eat as much, or maybe I just find it easier to not eat . I don't want anyone to worry about me, or rather I can't deal with people 'monitoring me', eyeballing what is on my plate.
Today has been harder because I feel like I have eaten enough but my tummy has still growled for more, so I ate a little more, then it carried on growling and then I ate a little more and it stopped. But it frightens me that I am going to gobble everything up, that I can't trust my body to only be hungry when it really needs to be fed. I'm scared I have put on the weight I lost. If I could stay where I was [around 10 days ago] I think I might be able to cope with it.
I've put off weighing myself out of fear, but now I feel like I need to know before I can continue eating. Is that a trap?
Bleughh! :/
Btw, Jenna, I did find that helpful, I just wasn't sure what to say in response. It has meant a lot that people are here behind me. I just felt like I have nothing good to share till perhaps now. And I'm cautious of posting when I don't know what I actually want to achieve.
Last edited by MissAnonymous : 09-07-2014 at 05:28 PM.
I understand that very well, not trusting your body to not be greedy and accept more than it needs, but I know in times of recovery my body has not gotten out of control and I have been able to maintain a healthy existence. Is this what's happened for you too in the past?
So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
You said to me when in recovery how much you now valued your health, perhaps you could think of what's made you not value your health and wellbeing now. And is this a path you really want to take when you know the consequences of it? I know its not easy.
GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE
THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
The 'to weigh or not to weigh' question is a big one, and I think the correct answer is probably different for different people. I know for me personally that any reassurance I would get from weighing myself and seeing that I am not in fact clinically obese would be overshadowed by seeing in black and white that my weight is (in anorexia's eyes) too high. I can't be arsed to stop eating ALL the things and start being eating disordered again, so don't weigh myself to avoid feeling obliged to restrict- I am essentially a lazy anorexic :P
I hope that makes sense, and I would reiterate that it's different for everyone. Maybe think about the different possible weights you could be, and try to imagine how each of those would make you feel, and if none of them are likely to cause uncontrollable urges to restrict, then you could go for it in order to make you feel more comfortable eating.
Another thing to add is that if you have been restricting recently, your body is probably kind of pissed and being overenthusiastic with the hunger signals, but once you've reassured it that you're not planning on starving it again any time soon it will settle down. You feel like you can't trust it to only ask to be fed when it needs it, but right now it can't trust you to feed it when it needs it!
. I don't want anyone to worry about me, or rather I can't deal with people 'monitoring me', eyeballing what is on my plate.
