I don't want to die but I feel like it might be my only choice.
I simply cannot stay living in this environment. My parents are starting to refuse me support like therapy and even going to the doctors for sickness. They are constantly killing my self esteem to the point I must apologise profusely for trying to cook myself something to eat.
I also feel extremely uncomfortable in the town that I live in, the memories here destroy me and I do not feel safe anywhere alone. I do not like the attitudes of the people here and I do not want to mix with them.
I feel like the only hope I have is to move over to America to my boyfriend's family instead. They are so gentle and treat me like their own and really want to remove me from this terrible environment. They are raising money to fund a flight over there.
I have no idea how to present this to my parents, I am certain they will laugh it off and yell at me for being ridiculous. My mum refuses to admit there's a problem. I have only ever expressed it as a 'holiday' and even then she wasn't even willing to discuss it.
I don't know what to do. I feel like this is my only chance, or I'm going to have to leave. I don't want to break everyone's heart.
It sounds like things are really making you struggle right now, sorry to hear that.
According to your profile, you are sixteen years of age. Once you reach the age of sixteen, anything medical is purely down to you, and nobody else beside doctors and relevant referrals. In other words, you are allowed to manage your own medical problems and your medical records are kept private to you. Therefore, you parents cannot refuse you medical treatment, if it is therapy you want, then you are allowed to get it. For example, you might need to go to the doctors for sickness, like you say; you can go down to the doctors on your own and make an appointment yourself. I'm trying to emphasise the fact that your parents do not have any control over anything medical to so with you now that you're sixteen.
I understand that you dislike the town you live in. Are there any close friends you could go to town with?
Are there any other friends or family you could stay with for the time being?
If you'd like, you can always PM me.
If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do, what I'm about to do today?
I know that I can make my own appointments etc (although it is very difficult for me to do so), but I have no means of getting to those appointments without my parents. The GP and therapy centre is not within walking distance and I do not feel comfortable at all taking a bus by myself. Most of the time my mother will book the appointment after frequent reminding, then the day before cancel it because she doesn't think I deserve to be taken.
I do not have any friends in my area whatsoever. I haven't had any contact with anyone my age since I left school apart from facebook. I *could* stay at my Dads' house instead of my Mothers' as he is more willing to take me to appointments, but he knows nothing of my mental health and he may find my situation even more ridiculous than my Mum.
There are probably going to be buses going to and from that general area, but the timings I don't know. One part of my mind is telling me they are literally not safe but logically I know it's probably just me being anxious, although I really really do not feel safe in my town. Even if I have to wait by myself for 10 minutes I am constantly scared that the next car is going to drive by and grab me off the road. I don't know if I want to bother tackling that fear because it might not be safe and I don't want to stay here anyway...
Sorry to hear that your gp centre is not within walking distance. It may be a good idea to go to your Dads. I'm sure he won't find your situation ridiculous, and I'm sure he'd be more up than happy to take you to your gp.
Like Auror has said, tackling these fears can really help. Taking buses or even just walking on pavements poses no real danger and you shouldn't be afraid to use them :)
If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do, what I'm about to do today?
My Dad would definitely take me the doctors (I think), but the fact still stands that I really want to leave this country and I have no idea how to go about it. Also he knows nothing about my MH problems so he couldn't be the one to take me to therapy.
It's good to know that you are pretty sure of your Dad taking you to the Doctors. I don't understand how his knowledge on your MH problems will affect whether or not he can take you to the therapist.
The only thin I know about going overseas at sixteen is that you can fly on your own, however you have to be eighteen or over to book a holiday package. I am unsure of anything else.
If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do, what I'm about to do today?
Moving to america, legally, will probably be difficult and take a lot of time which I fully accept. But even just going over there for a visit would be better than nothing. I could find out more about the customs and critera etc while I'm there as well as getting a break. I already have the all-go from their family, I just need to raise money for the flight and convince my parents to trust me. Which is the difficult part. (Despite being able to legally fly by yourself way before 16.)
Ah sorry, I just read it wrong the first time and it sounded like something I'd already covered!
It would be good to get myself better int he meantime and I do want to do so, hence why I'm still asking to go to therapy. But I really can't imagine myself ever using public transportation by myself, I genuinely feel so unsafe being anywhere alone, and more for physical reasons than social reasons. If it was just social phobia I could probably do it with some push but it goes further than that and as much everything in me says it's not a good idea to learn to do. Right now, jumping straight in to something like that is not viable.
I don't know, I'm sure my mother will take me eventually.
