My anger makes me delusional. When I'm mad, I think to myself things along this line, "**** you! I'm the queen around here! You listen to me!" and then it SEEMS like I have high self-esteem because I also think things like I'm prettier, smart, and more talented than anyone in the world.
When I'm in a depressive episode, my self-confidence is rock bottom and I feel like dying (not all the time, but a good amount). Though I'm not so deep into the abyss that I go try to kill myself luckily. I'm sane enough to know I shouldn't commit suicide.
Anxious or scared I wanna run away and hide from the world. I can't deal with people. I don't wanna look at them. I hate at least physical interaction when I'm like this.
When I'm happy, well, it's not too terrible then. I feel almost normal then.
However, during all of these moods, I feel like cutting constantly. Happy, sad, mad, scared. Cut, cut, cut, cut.
When I do successfully cut, I want someone to know. I have to show someone and tell someone. I don't know why exactly.
Then, even through all those emotions, I can get very clingy to people, especially my boyfriend. I kinda don't like it... It worries me...
I really don't know what I want from this. I guess I would like to talk about this with someone. I dunno. I'm just scared...
Major Depression | Asperger's Syndrome | Anxiety NOS | Hints of OCD
Close your eyes. Don't you cry. Love's around you. In time, you'll fly. Don't you worry about the dark. I will light up the night with the love in my heart. I will burn like the sun that will keep you safe and warm. Like the smell of a rose on a summer's day, I will be there to take all your fears away. With the touch of my hand, I will turn your life to GOLD!
I really feel like balling my eyes out right now. I feel overwhelmed by just being at school. Too many people here... I want to go home... Please, is anyone able to talk to me? I'm reaching out...
Major Depression | Asperger's Syndrome | Anxiety NOS | Hints of OCD
Close your eyes. Don't you cry. Love's around you. In time, you'll fly. Don't you worry about the dark. I will light up the night with the love in my heart. I will burn like the sun that will keep you safe and warm. Like the smell of a rose on a summer's day, I will be there to take all your fears away. With the touch of my hand, I will turn your life to GOLD!
I'm sorry you're having such a bad time and it seem to be on an emotional roller-coaster. I just wanted to let you know I've heard you about how tough things are.
Do you think you use cutting as a way to express emotions? Have you ever tried using some kind of creative way to get down what is going on - like writing poems or stories or painting or drawing? Something to both reflect how you're feeling and get it out of your system.
Major Depression | Asperger's Syndrome | Anxiety NOS | Hints of OCD
Close your eyes. Don't you cry. Love's around you. In time, you'll fly. Don't you worry about the dark. I will light up the night with the love in my heart. I will burn like the sun that will keep you safe and warm. Like the smell of a rose on a summer's day, I will be there to take all your fears away. With the touch of my hand, I will turn your life to GOLD!
I feel like I should tell my therapist about this, but I'm scared.
Major Depression | Asperger's Syndrome | Anxiety NOS | Hints of OCD
Close your eyes. Don't you cry. Love's around you. In time, you'll fly. Don't you worry about the dark. I will light up the night with the love in my heart. I will burn like the sun that will keep you safe and warm. Like the smell of a rose on a summer's day, I will be there to take all your fears away. With the touch of my hand, I will turn your life to GOLD!
Gah, I'm an emotional wreck right now... All started over a stupid music lesson... Couldn't put the notes on the right spot and so I started crying and getting upset over it... Then, I had to jump table to table because my usual table was full and then these girls kicked me out of the table I was sitting at alone... I hate eating when no one I'm close to is around... It feels so uncomfortable... Unless I'm at home then it's fine if I'm alone and eating... Gah... Why must I get so upset over such petty things...?
Major Depression | Asperger's Syndrome | Anxiety NOS | Hints of OCD
Close your eyes. Don't you cry. Love's around you. In time, you'll fly. Don't you worry about the dark. I will light up the night with the love in my heart. I will burn like the sun that will keep you safe and warm. Like the smell of a rose on a summer's day, I will be there to take all your fears away. With the touch of my hand, I will turn your life to GOLD!
what do you usually do when you have those emotions? you did a really great job describing what you feel like doing.
one DBT strategy that i vaguely remember from when I was inpatient was "opposite action" where the idea was that when you feel something really strong like that makes you want to do something negative, you try to do the opposite action of whatever you want to do, to help regulate the mood back to neutral. doing what you want to do might reinforce the mood or end up with bad consequences. i'm not sure i remember this well, so it might be worth googling…
what are you afraid will happen if you tell your therapist?
that situation at lunch does sound very unpleasant, i hope it doesn't happen again
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
My weekend has been really bad. My mother got sick and I'm deathly afraid of vomit, so I almost had a panic attack Friday night. My mother and her boyfriend have been fighting all weekend. I got in a fight with two friends. *sighs* I wanna go back to sleep...
I either sit there, cry, or sleep... Unless I have something to cut with...
What's DBT?
I dunno... I feel like if I tell her everything... Then, I'll end up telling her I wanna go to a psych ward... And I can't do that yet... Can't...
Me, too...
Major Depression | Asperger's Syndrome | Anxiety NOS | Hints of OCD
Close your eyes. Don't you cry. Love's around you. In time, you'll fly. Don't you worry about the dark. I will light up the night with the love in my heart. I will burn like the sun that will keep you safe and warm. Like the smell of a rose on a summer's day, I will be there to take all your fears away. With the touch of my hand, I will turn your life to GOLD!
