Yes, I have a thread on the front page here, but I can already tell no one is looking at it anymore, so new thread time.
Alot of days I feel really worn out before the day begins. I want to stay home and hide. But my mother doesn't understand this. Probably cause of my work ethic. Probably cause I try to stay home a lot. I don't know.
At school, I feel overwhelmed a lot. To points I shutdown. They don't get how stressed I am from being around so many people, worrying about grades, my home life, trying to get better. I really hate to do that to them, but it's all so stressful.
I don't even know what the fuck I am going on about anymore.
I just feel so pressured to bottle up everything that I don't think I am letting it out when I need to most to get help-in therapy. I am pressured to smile and be normal. I'm not normal. I need to be the current me, so I can be a better me.
How do I do that...? Why won't they get I need to be me so I can get better...?
Major Depression | Asperger's Syndrome | Anxiety NOS | Hints of OCD
Close your eyes. Don't you cry. Love's around you. In time, you'll fly. Don't you worry about the dark. I will light up the night with the love in my heart. I will burn like the sun that will keep you safe and warm. Like the smell of a rose on a summer's day, I will be there to take all your fears away. With the touch of my hand, I will turn your life to GOLD!
It sounds like you are feeling rather overwhelmed perhaps it would help to have some you time in a nice way such as having a nice soothing bath, doing your hair nice, painting your nails, just anything really to pamper yourself really.
Can you express your emotions when you are alone?
Why do you feel you need to hide your emotions and mask everything going on with a smile on your face?
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
I honestly can't get myself to do that stuff. I've tried, but I always just say, "Fuck it." and sleep instead.
I'm not really sure... I mean I can look sad and shit, but I can never cry... The bottle I put my feelings in has to crack before I can cry...
Because I feel like everyone pressures me to. My mom, my teachers, my friends. My boyfriend is on and off the list.
Major Depression | Asperger's Syndrome | Anxiety NOS | Hints of OCD
Close your eyes. Don't you cry. Love's around you. In time, you'll fly. Don't you worry about the dark. I will light up the night with the love in my heart. I will burn like the sun that will keep you safe and warm. Like the smell of a rose on a summer's day, I will be there to take all your fears away. With the touch of my hand, I will turn your life to GOLD!
How do you feel these people pressure you? Perhaps it's something they don't realise they're doing?
I also get the feeling of waking up worn out...sometimes easing into the day helps me...like waking up, having a cup of tea in bed, then having a shower so I'm not straight up into rushing around...
x x x
♥It's the ups and downs of living life this way. Promise me you'll never go away. Just stay with me through one more night because it's always darkest before the light and now I promise you I'll never turn away. I won't let you give us one less heart to break...♥
I try, but they snap at me and say I brought it on myself and I should get over it.
They know cause I tell them. They keep doing it. The only exception is Derek. When I tell him I feel pressured, he stops and we work it out.
Major Depression | Asperger's Syndrome | Anxiety NOS | Hints of OCD
Close your eyes. Don't you cry. Love's around you. In time, you'll fly. Don't you worry about the dark. I will light up the night with the love in my heart. I will burn like the sun that will keep you safe and warm. Like the smell of a rose on a summer's day, I will be there to take all your fears away. With the touch of my hand, I will turn your life to GOLD!
I really feel like being admitted to a psych ward cause I'll never get better emotionally out here. Sure, I'm improving in hygeine and stuff like that, but my emotions have declined since the start of therapy. Meghann says I've improved though. Improved what? I see no improvement... I only see improvement when my feelings start to stabilize...
Major Depression | Asperger's Syndrome | Anxiety NOS | Hints of OCD
Close your eyes. Don't you cry. Love's around you. In time, you'll fly. Don't you worry about the dark. I will light up the night with the love in my heart. I will burn like the sun that will keep you safe and warm. Like the smell of a rose on a summer's day, I will be there to take all your fears away. With the touch of my hand, I will turn your life to GOLD!
Perhaps others see things you can't. I find it's often like that. It's hard, but hope you can keep trying out of a ward. Every step forward counts, right. I've wondered about inpatient before, but whether or not I need it, I won't put my life on hold until it happens. What does your counsellor say about inpatient?
So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
I haven't asked about it... I really don't want to...
Major Depression | Asperger's Syndrome | Anxiety NOS | Hints of OCD
Close your eyes. Don't you cry. Love's around you. In time, you'll fly. Don't you worry about the dark. I will light up the night with the love in my heart. I will burn like the sun that will keep you safe and warm. Like the smell of a rose on a summer's day, I will be there to take all your fears away. With the touch of my hand, I will turn your life to GOLD!
how packed is your schedule? when i was feeling like that in high school, and even now in college, it often meant that i was trying to do too many things, and trying to do things that i didn't really want to do, but that i thought other people wanted me to do. clearing out my schedule of one or two less important things gave me some time each day to spend taking care of myself, which i needed. another thing i realized is that some of the pressure i felt from other people was really pressure i felt from myself… i was assuming that i knew what they were thinking, and that they would be disappointed or whatever, when reality was some of them were totally willing to let me loosen up a bit if it would help
i was told in therapy that often "things" start improving before we feel the improvement, and i think that is true sometimes. its like our feelings take a while to catch on that everything isn't so bad. however, it is important that your therapist knows that you're not feeling improvement yet, and what your measuring stick for improvement is (cause it is different for different people)
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
I only have a few clubs that I enjoy going to. As of now, though I have only been going to Manga Club since I am the president.
My measurement is my emotions and thoughts of harming myself. I will try to tell her Wednesday.
Major Depression | Asperger's Syndrome | Anxiety NOS | Hints of OCD
Close your eyes. Don't you cry. Love's around you. In time, you'll fly. Don't you worry about the dark. I will light up the night with the love in my heart. I will burn like the sun that will keep you safe and warm. Like the smell of a rose on a summer's day, I will be there to take all your fears away. With the touch of my hand, I will turn your life to GOLD!
Why won't they get I need to be me so I can get better...?
