I feel like a bit of a self indulgent idiot writing this, especially as im not sure that a lot of members actually know, or remember who i am, but ive been feeling for a while that maybe I would like to say something.
RYL has been a huge part of my life for 13 years now. In the worst years of my depression RYL honestly WAS my life. I think I must have spent thousands of hours sitting either in chat, or reading, and replying to and making posts on the forum – I honestly feel that the catharsis and the support ive received here has literally saved my life on more than one occasion.
In my time here I have encountered some horrible people, some people who have lied about the most awful things, but I have also met some of the most important people in my life. I have fallen in love a few times and ive had a child with one of them.
In reality, I have been here for a long time now mainly for the social aspect and to kill time. I haven’t self harmed for 7 years or so.
RYL is a wonderful resource, and has traditionally been a real community. A go to place if youre having a bad day, or if something truly catastrophic has happened around you.
However, I would urge anyone not to take this website too seriously. It can suck you into this little bubble where treating yourself unkindly, wallowing in your problems and excluding the ‘real’ people in your life and your well being is normal. It becomes easy to forget that not everyone is coping with their problems this way, that what you’re doing is not normal and will impact the rest of your life.
After spending a lot of time on RYL initially indulging in my mental illnesses and my terrible feelings, i have been working on my recovery for a long time. Have been in therapy for 10 years and on varying combinations of medications for the same amount of time. It is only the birth of my son (and the lack of time to actually sit down) that has truly pulled me out of that black hole. I am now therapy free, medication free, and for the most part, very level headed.
This is rambly now. I just wanted to say, whoever you are, you dont deserve to feel as awfully as you do. I Hope that in your own time you find peace with yourself and find that you no longer feel the need to log in to this website every day.
Thank you for everything
Oh. The following two sayings/quotes have over the last 10 years or so become my mantras., maybe they will help someone reading this.
1. (When you hate yourself for relapses). Recovery is like climbing a very high mountain, if you didn’t stop for a break every now and again you’ll never make it to the top.
- I think it was Romp or Rowie who originally said this.
2. Courage doesn’t always roar, sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day that says ‘I will try again tomorrow’.
I know some of you are going to take the piss out of me for writing this. (Nic/Jess/Lucy/Andy im looking at you), but that’s ok. ☺
I can relate to a lot of what you've said there & have thought some of the same things about RYL myself.
It's superb that you've come through from a black hole to somewhere you can say "I'm OK" and actually mean it; even better in some ways that RYL has enabled you to push along on that journey.
A lovely post to read, thank you for writing it & I'm pleased you've gained so much from the community on here.
It goes to show, that no matter how bad things get for me, there is still always one thing which brings me happiness. I must cling to this for it is the making of me, the beginning of my resurgance and the fightback epitomised. I will defeat my demons.
An ode to joy
A road to love
A note to keep your head above
The rising tide's not yet a flood on this shore
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
Thank you for posting this Charlie! I hope you are suitably chuffed with yourself, not only for how far you've come in recovery, but also in what a tip-tip chap you are- so many people here think an awful lot of you, including me. Some of the kindest and most thoughtful PMs I've ever received have been from you so thank you :)
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Make us all feel wonderful. We'll never forget."
When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty. ~Woody Allen
Is a chocolate muffin loving glitter ball
