Sorry for a new thread but the other one had died and kinda really need support...
I got a call from the EDU today asking if I can attend a pre-admission meeting tomorrow && that they are hoping to admit me next week.
I'm terrified.
I thought I had at least until January. I can't cope, I don't want to go now, I'm scared...
I know how utterly gobsmackingly terrifying it is to go I but sometimes you have to feel the fear & do it anyway. Honestly, its so worth it. I know its a shock, I remember the times I got the call,, One time I had to go in the day after my Birthday & it sucked, but ultimately, it saved my life. & this will save yours.
The pre-addmission will be a meeting to discuss how you are now, how your eating/behaviors currently are, how you got to this point & what you want from treatment. They will ask you loads of questions, be prepared to answer them honestly; You only get what you put in. They'll probably do a physical assessment, Blood work, weight, BP, etc. & they'll again, want to know what you want. Whether your willing to work with them or not. After all, theres no point in you going in if your not going to try. (Once, I was admitted solely on my physical state, I point blank refused to recover, so once I was safer & more stable they discharged me), so its really important you think about what you want to gain from your addmission. Whether thats stablisation or full recovery. They might discuss the length of your admission, who you'll be working with, the team, & what other options are available to you, also maybe what plans can be put in place for after your admission, discharge plans etc.
Please don't be worried, please. This is for the best, go in with an open mind,, be honest & take their advice on board.
It sounds like that is what you need right now - certainly the health professionals think so or you wouldn't be being offered this opportunity to recover. Make the most of it and just think, can you feel any worse than you do now? If not, you have nothing to lose by trying something else.
I know it must be a shock, considering you thought it wouldn't be till a month or so. Honestly, I think it is better to go now than drag it out longer.
The longer you wait the more chance you will become ill'er, only making it harder when you are in IP.
When I went IP, I got a weeks notice of being told I need to go in, to actually being admitted. I am glad, it didn't give me time to worry, but enough time to prepare myself.
Also I didn't go even more downhill, therefore I didn't have even more work to do when I was IP.
I totally agree with EyelinerAndCigarettes. It's scary to go, but it saves lives.
You need work with them to get better, don't play the game, as they say. You won't get anything from it if you don't work with them.
Here if you every need anything xx
'Watch with glittering eyes, the world around you. Those who do not believe in magic will never find it' - Roald Dahl
Thank you all so so much!!
I'm so nervous for tomorrow, I feel sick and I didn't stop crying this morning finally realising that it's actually going to happen...
I'm so mixed up about it right now.
YES I want recovery but I just don't know how badly or how committed I'll be.. I'll try 100% and I know this isn't a life and I have plenty to live for so I will make sure I try hard.
I'm just scared because I'm a healthy weight and most people in there are severely underweight & on weight gain plans whereas I won't be.
I'm scared I will break down not being able to purge or restrict, I'm scared I'll fail and get discharged.
I'm scared...
Everything that Helen said is 100% what I would say, and completely true.
As Helen put it, you only get what you put in.
Sometimes, opportunities like this only come once in a life time.
It's incredibly difficult to get EDU IP funding,
and once you get it,
it can be taken away very quickly at the same time,
especially if you don't engage with them or put anything in.
I know it is scary, it's utterly terrifying being admitted to hospital, any hospital, general or specialist or anything,
I understand how you're feeling,
I know the times I've been sectioned were completely freaking frightening as hell,
piss-your-pants-I've-just-seen-the-most-scary-movie-ever kind of frightening,
actually,
worse than that.
But eventually, you'll become used to the routine in the hospital, the schedules, the meal times, the meal requirements,
you'll get used to the people, the staff,
even make some good friends that can be very useful and amazing to have in hospital,
you'll find it less daunting,
and sometimes, it can create some really good memories
- mostly the part where you meet some fascinating people,
and you meet people who you could discover will be a good friend for a long time.
The people I've met in hospitals have turned out to be amazing friends for me, and they made it a better place,
the memories I have I will cherish forever,
especially considering the circumstances and the fact it was in a psych ward -
last place you'd think of creating some really precious memories and people.
It's not all bad in hospitals,
your first few days will be probably very difficult and you may find yourself wanting to bang your head against the wall and pulling your hair out kind of thing,
but those feelings will fade,
and you will feel a bit better about being there.
Mostly, it just takes time.
Time to get used to it all.
Patience goes a long way in these situations,
which I know can feel impossible to have,
but it does go a long way lovely.
You'll most likely have a lot to do there, too;
group therapy,
group sessions,
arts and crafts,
individual sessions,
groups to attend that revolve around different interests and hobbies,
they try to make the schedule as stimulating as they can
[in good hospitals which I sincerely hope yours is!].
Of course, meal times are required,
and that will be probably the most daunting aspect of this,
as well as after meals,
but you'll have staff with you,
other patients who will be willing to support you and help you out,
you won't be alone in this,
at all.
It's probably a good idea to take lots of things with you because it can get boring at times in hospital,
especially after meal times where you'll likely be on "rest" and have to stay with staff,
particularly as you struggle with purging behaviors,
so bring things with you that you can do during those times;
arts and crafts,
things you can make if you are creative,
a diary to write in,
a pad to draw on,
portable DVD player if you have one and are allowed one
[I was allowed this but only if I were with staff due to the fact it needed a plug and charger and such],
music,
make up maybe if you want to try different ways of doing your make up or maybe even doing make overs for you/other people there[keep you amused!],
a DS to play games on if you have one and are allowed one,
books to read,
laptop if you're allowed,
phone if you're allowed,
magazines[as less triggering as possible if you're allowed them],
you could google other things people have taken to keep themselves occupied/distracted.
It's best if you bring in things to make your room as "homey" and comforting as possible,
ease you in a bit to the place maybe?
You are being very brave Kate,
very brave,
and you can do this.
You can do this. I know its a scary, no, pretrifying time but give it all you have got. This chance doesn't come often.
You have struggled this long, give yourself a chance for recovery and a life without this horrendous illness.
I know you can do this, it wont be easy, but you have a great support network.
So she lights up a candle for hope to be found
Captive and blind by the darkness around
Each wave a promise, a new hope reborn
Sunrise consoles at the break of dawn
hi guys
thank you for the messages they all mean a lot I promise.
I'm having a real hard night as you could imagine..
I'm sat in bed crying because I'm scared & don't want to go anymore. I am feeling really anxious and unstable..
I don't want to go to sleep because then it will be sooner ..
I can't do this
You can. I believe in you x
I hope it all goes ok today.
I don't know what time you have to be there or if you'll even see this before you go, but maybe try to take your mind off it if at all possible. Thinking about it may only get you more worked up... it's easy to go around in circles with it all, and it may be the eating disorder kicking back not wanting to go.
Easier said than done though, I know
Good luck
x
Hey lovely,
I'm sorry you're struggling so much but it's good for you at the moment. You've been struggling so much recently with your eating maybe being IP will help resolve some issues you have surrounding food. It's going to be hard but at the end of the day you want help hence why you sought it. You can do it! X
Ballerina123 - My lovely superstar
Call me R -
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time - Abraham Lincoln
To be honest, and I sort of hestitate in writing this, IP is a nightmare. It can save your life and yes you can sometimes have a laugh and have good memories but most of the time it's painful, hard, humiliating at times, difficult, outside of your comfort zone, etc. You're there for a reason and it's not going to be easy. I wish I could say it would be.
I read about them taking phones and I was hoping they wouldn't have that rule. I don't think it helps but they have their reasons and that just is what it is. Where I was didn't take phones but they were confined to bedroom use at certain times. There were some other pretty draconian rules but at the same time the place changed and saved my life. I don't know if you see this but if you leave you may well regret it. It's **** and it's going to be ****, I won't lie. But please give it more than two days.
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