I don't understand emotions.

[Steel Maiden]

E was really emotional and upset because she has never seen her mum before (she was in an orphanage from a very young age). She said to me "I want to see my mum". I had no idea what to say, but she reminded me of my mum, and then my brain went off on a tangent about my mum's past abuse directed at me. I said "I never want to see my mum again". She cried and walked off. So evidently I did something wrong, but I'm not sure what I was supposed to say in such a situation, and anyhow I was being honest as I am always honest.

E is still upset about her mum today but I still don't know what to say to her so I'm avoiding her.

Advice please.

[Cautiousoptimism]

I think what you did was with perfectly good intentions - you related what E was going through with your own experiences with your own mother and offered your vein of thought. Your feeling of not wanting to see your mum again is perfectly valid and true for yourself, but I think E's opinion may be completely different. You just need to think of it as two different situations (although there are similarities). You might both be out of touch with your mothers for whatever reasons, but perhaps E is missing the idea of her mum, or is curious to meet up with her? Whereas you may be more set in your own mind that you don't want to see your mum ever again. It sounds like a sensitive subject, so it can be easy for people to be upset. But it is also easy for emotions to very, very difficult to read in cases such as this. Just make sure E knows you are going to be there for her whatever she decides to do, and that she can talk to you/explain her feeling in more detail whenever she needs.

I hope that made sense, sorry >.<

[Steel Maiden]

That's helpful thanks. It's a bit more clear now.

Could you suggest any phrases I could say to her?

[Cautiousoptimism]

Just be honest with her about how you are feeling about this situation - explain that it is difficult for you to relate to her situation exactly but you want to be there for her, and will support whatever she wants. Maybe ask her to be more open and discuss with you in more depth how she's feeling? Ask questions if you don't understand what she means - I find when I'm upset, I can be very closed off and assume the other person understands everything I'm feeling, and that's not always the case.

As I said before, it's a very difficult and emotional situation, so only E can tell you what her mind is thinking. Just make sure she knows you are open to listening to what she is feeling/thinking/going through. The fact you even posted this shows you are wanting to be there for her, which I'm sure she will appreciate :)

[Steel Maiden]

Thanks for the advice, that is really helpful.