Contains sexual abuse - Scared of what's going to happen

[siobhan-15]

I recently opened up about the sexual and physical abuse I'dbeen suffering from the end of 2010 to the beginning of 2013.

I keep on seeing his face. Their faces. I don’t knowwhat I’m going to do if I have to go to court. I’m seen as a vulnerablewitness, so if the case did go to court I could give evidence through a TV linkor there could be a screen around the witness block so I don’t have to see the defendants.The police are still gathering evidence at the moment and it’s going to take agood while because there’s so many people involved. The police need to gather enoughevidence so that the CPS decide to take the case to court, thenthey’ll prepare the cases for court and present the case. Itcould take ages for the police to send a file to the CrownProsecution Service and then what if they don’t want to prosecute?

They destroyed me. I won’t ever be able to forget what theydid. People say ‘it will get easier’ but I don’t think it will. I’m trying to staypositive but it is so difficult. They treated me like a piece of meat and I’mmeant to forget? I had a heart-to-heart with my mum the other day. She told methat she keeps a diary, told me something that I didn’t know and sheshowed me some of her diary accounts from the past couple of years. Friday4th February 2011 - ’S came home in the early hours of the morning. Itried to speak to her but she didn’t listen. She looked dirty, dishevelled andI could see the burn marks and scratches on her shoulder. I didn’t want her togo out and even tried phoning the police to see if they could stop her. She’sfilled with aggression. If we try to question her about anything she’lljust walk away. She didn’t cry. I was desperate for her to start crying, tellme and hold on. But she couldn’t cry. There is no emotion left in herwhatsoever.’

She said that she feels like she’s let me down and Ijust wanted to hold her and tell her no. She didn’t let me down. She tried herbest to help. She got in touch with social services and the police so manytimes during those years but when they spoke to me I denied it, so they couldn’ttake it further. The police have been investigating the case for a while nowwith other victims and I feel so horrible knowing that there are other peopleout there who had to endure what I went through.

I don’t know what’s going to happen and I don’t know how tofeel anymore.

[high.hopes]

I don't have any advise right now but I think you're incredibly brave and should be proud of what you have achieved already. Do try and stay positive, the memories get more distant and you become stronger and stronger each day even if you don't realise at first. I wish you lots of luck with everything that happens from here, stay strong. <3

[DestinyInPain]

*mega hugs*
You were very brave to reveal what happened to you.
I won't lie, it will be difficult to forget and some days will be worse than others.
But the key is to accept the fact it happened to you and to remember that it wasn't your fault. :)

[beautiful_seclusion]

You sound very strong. I've never gone through anything like you describe, but I can say about bad experiences, it does get better. It can take years, but over time, memories start to fade and the intense feelings associated with them occur less and less. Eventually you still remember the bad things, but you've worked through all the emotion and so it's not nearly as painful. So keep being strong, you sound like you are really doing your best in awful circumstances. Have you been given any counseling? That can really help you process what happened better so you get on with your life so these horrible people can no longer affect you.