i know this is a little different...BUT...

[dysphoria]

Ok im not sure if this is the right place to put this, as it may seem trivial, but to me its not at all...it's ripped my heart out.


Im grieving over the loss of my dog. I know it may not seem much compared to people losing their best ((human)) friend or anything...but my dog WAS my best friend.

He got sick last year and instead of hanging onto him, and selfishly keeping him alive...i decided ((as i prepared myself for this day for years)) to have him put down whilst he wasn't in REALLY SEVERE pain. He was a VERY stoic dog...he would never show pain....like if he had a broken bone, all he would do is hold his leg up. Not even make a sound or complain at all. He was a very large "red"/brown-coloured Dobermann. So on this day i had the vet come over to our house...as he had been sick all day, and was barely able to move. The vet came, and put him down ((using i think a very strong solution of pentobarbital...or "green dream")).

Now my dog was my best friend. I always walked him, and cos he had special needs when it came to eating, i would feed him small meals 2-3 times a day. I would walk him often, mostly at night when it was cool or cold, cos then we were less likely to encounter stangers or strange dogs. My dog never took kindly to strangers or strange dogs. He would never hesitate to put himself infront of me when there was "danger" ahead ((like strange people or dogs)).

And he was extremely loyal. Something i value A LOT. He was always loyal, and whilst he was loving and kind to our family, he was a formidable and brave guard dog. I never used to worry when he got into "skirmishes" or little fights with other dogs, cos he could handle himself ((the exception would be if he met a pit-bull or a fighting breed))...but still he would be brave and never back down.

My uncle...who is an a$$hole, and a bad man, once came into our back yard without anyone from the family. My dog came out of his kennel, grabbed him by the arm, and started to drag him backwards! I wasn't home at the time, but months later, my uncle showed me the scars. This was BEFORE we realised what a scum-bag my uncle is. But my dog knew.

He would be kind to my friends, once introduced, and was the sweetest dog to me. He slept in my room on a bed. I would go to OP-shops ((shops where they sell stuff really cheap)) and buy lots of bedding for him...like tons of blankets to cover his dog bed, to make it very comftorble for him. He loved this. I would pat him to sleep every night. Without fail. And when i heard a noise in the night i knew it was my dog moving around or something.

If i ever heard a suspicious noise outside, i would grab his harness, put it on my dog, grab a hunting knive, and slowly go out-side, ready to stab someone. And my dog would ALWAYS lead the way, he was great like that.

When i used to feed him he LOVED his food...as i gave him special food...i would buy mince meat ((the cheapest from the butcher...NOT ment for dogs though!)) and rice, and would mix up rice and mince meat with a spoon-ful of oil for his coat, and mix with hot water, making a warm meal. His behaviour was noticably different when on this diet instead of using dog meat in tins or the dry dog food....this diet really made a difference to him, he wouldn't be depressed or slower when on the mince meat and rice.

He was 13 years old when he was put down, and i had had him since i was approx. 12 years old. He grew up with me, as i grew up. He was always there for me, during the worst times i could always go back home and get a nice warm hug from my dog. He was very large for a dobermann ((significantly bigger than even the largest german shepards)) so he was great to hug.

He used to LOVE going up to rural areas. He'd chase rabbits, foxes, and kangaroo's. Of course he never actually caught these animals...he just loved the chase. He wasn't actually very aggressive agianst animals ((except other dogs, usually male ones, as he was a male dog))...he was more aggressive towards humans. And this suited me just fine. Cos when i would go out during the day, i knew i had a superb security guard asleep in my room....and God have mercy on anyone who decide's to break in!!!

But he was a family dog. He used to follow you around, and lean against you...sometimes heavily! He used to love being patted by two people...he would relish the attention, and have a very contented look on his face.

I miss him SO MUCH. I still wake up thinking he's asleep in my room. I still hear a noise in the night and think its my dog. Then i realise...he's gone, he's dead. This breaks my heart. I was so close to my dog....like i said, i would pat him to sleep every night. We got along very well....

i Think the only thing that can help me is getting another dog, a puppy for myself. But i can't do that at the current residence im living at. I need to move into a new place first. And im currently saving up for that. I would like to get a rottweiler...but cos they are so big they would cost more to feed, and vets bills would be higher. So i've decided to get an english bull terrier. I was going to get a pit-bull terrier, but they are too people-friendly. I want a dog that will have at least some protective instincts. Which is why i wanted a rottweiler. But if finances wern't the way they are, i would get a rottie, cos they would make a great guard dog. But a small english bull terrier should be alright. I mean, i really bond with my animals...so hopefully this will make the english bully more protective. Plus, they are like a big dog....stoic, tough, up for anything...yet they are small. So that's why im gonna get an english bull terrier.

I just CAN'T WAIT to get a new puppy...it will be a full time occupation trying to look after it....and then i think i will move on from my dogs death. I will NEVER forget him...luckily i bought a digital camera years ago and took a TON of pics of him, which i have printed out, saved on memory sticks, and saved on the computer! So there's no way im ever gonna lose the pics i have of him.

But i want to move on, i really do. Im happier now thanks to nicotine ((i take the transdermal patches; i don't smoke and never have; i use them to fight depression, and they work!!!)) but still paranoid and i still s-injure ((i self-injured the other week over an stupid argument))....and im planning ahead for the first time in my life...to move into a new place, get a dog and a small snake, and be much happier with my new dog!!! That's the plan, anyway!!!!

So...yeah....sorry if this post doesn't belong here, or sounds trivial....to me it isn't, i've been to tons of funerals including that of my 3 grandparents, and i've never felt the sense of loss like i have felt over my dogs death.....

Ok that's all.

[inkyspider]

Hey hun,
My reply is going to seem realy insignificant is response to your long post, so i'm sorry.
But i jsut wanted to say that i was thinking of making a thread like this and that it is not at all trivial. I know i'm getting upset at the idea of moving away from my cats, i'm sure i would be devastated if they died.
I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time, but as with any other form of grief the pain will slowly fade over time.
Take care,
Tabby x

i dont think this is trivial
pets play a huge and important role in our lives, and their loss is painful.

[dysphoria]

Thanks Inkyspider, it sucks you have to move away from your cats! i know when i've gone away, i always worry about my pets, as i know no one knows them like i do, or takes as much care as i do.

And thanks PropheticScar; thanks for validating that its not trivial....and your right, their loss is very painful indeed.

[Stellata]

Pets are part of the family.

I lost my cat to diabetes complications 4 years ago. My grief was immense. She was my only warmth, affection, physical closeness. She understood when I needed her. She was always there.

I found an online email pet bereavement support service very helpful.

Talking about any kind of loss helps, and here is the right place to do it.

[Paperdreams.]

This thread does belong here, and I don't think it's trivial at all. It sounds like you love your dog so much, and I can really understand how you feel. My cat died last year some point and it was horrible. As you said, I woke up in the night expecting her to be there and she never was.

I know it's so hard right now, but remember that things will get better. Your dog was obviously a massive part of your life, and losing something that special to you is always hard. Remember all the good times you had because nothing can ever take them away from you.

I hope you enjoy life with your new puppy. I love puppies; they're so cute! Don't forget to post pictures. :P

Take care. xo

[Persephone Hazard]

No, it's not trivial and it does belong here. Hell, you should have seen me when my cat died - I was distraught for months. I still do think of her. It can be just as painful as the loss of a human. Feel free to post here as much as you wish.

[broken_dreams]

No, its not trivial at all. And Im glad you shared your story with us. I know how hard it is to loose an animal, and to some people its just as hard as loosing a human. trust me. I remember the day that I found out that Juels died (my fav horse)... It was so hard to get through the day. Every class i had that day, I cried and cired and normally im good at hiding things... but not that. its very hard to loose an animal that you love. and Im sorry for your loss.

[pea soup]

im really sorry for your loss.
and i can relate to all you said about your dog.
i have a rottie and he is wonderful.
he knows when im upset and he is soooooooooooo protective.
half the time we forget to lock the doors because he always lets us know when someone is here.
but the sweetest thing about him is that he found a litter of kittens and dug out a circle in the ground and let them sleep there. he did his best to look after them, not once in a threatening way.
he is the best.
he came from a rescue shelter where he had been taken out of an abusive home. and i still cringe when he hears a loud noise and ducks his head.
and sometimes when i reach to pet him he ducks thinking im going to hit him.
i would love to find those people who hurt him.
anyhow...ive really gone on here.
point is...im terribly sorry for your loss and i hope that you find a bouncy little puppy to help you feel better.
much love.
xx