how do you talk about it. what if i cry.

[day-dreamer]

I sent my counsellor an email saying i needed to come back to her and that i really needed to talk to her about something thats been playing on my mind for a long time, something that iv'e never told anyone.
But i struggled talking before it wasn't her fault she kept trying but i just couldn't get my words out i would start to panic.
She emailed me back saying she would ring me on Monday to arrange an appointment for next week.
I am now scared i wish i never emailed her. What do i say ' hello errmmmm i was sexually assaulted and raped over 2 years ago and now for some reason i'm messed up'.
I really hope i can keep my cool and not chicken out, what will happen if i cry or have a panic attack? what if i can't get my words out.
I don't think i can do this now. Jeeeeze this is really hard :/.

[BridgesAndBalloons]

I'm sorry you've been through that, you were brave to share that here, and to email your counsellor and make those steps towards telling her. I would be surprised if your counsellor had never had anyone cry or have a panic attack in front of her, crying and getting upset are very understandable reactions to talking about these sorts of things.

I think what helps me sometimes when I'm really struggling to talk is firstly telling the person that it's hard for me to talk about, and ask them to bear with me, sometimes when they know it's something that's hard to talk about they're more supportive and that can help. Then I take all the time I need to say something and not try to rush myself, also taking a few deep breaths and composing myself if I feel I'm getting upset can really help. I suppose if talking about it becomes very difficult you could write down what you have to say and give that to her.

I hope your appointment goes well next week.

[day-dreamer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Demons To Some

I'm sorry you've been through that, you were brave to share that here, and to email your counsellor and make those steps towards telling her. I would be surprised if your counsellor had never had anyone cry or have a panic attack in front of her, crying and getting upset are very understandable reactions to talking about these sorts of things.

I think what helps me sometimes when I'm really struggling to talk is firstly telling the person that it's hard for me to talk about, and ask them to bear with me, sometimes when they know it's something that's hard to talk about they're more supportive and that can help. Then I take all the time I need to say something and not try to rush myself, also taking a few deep breaths and composing myself if I feel I'm getting upset can really help. I suppose if talking about it becomes very difficult you could write down what you have to say and give that to her.


I hope your appointment goes well next week.

Thank you for your support and advice.

[skylarks123]

Talking to people face to face about your problems and secrets can be really tough. If you don't feel comfortable talking to her, you could write a letter and give it to her. If you can't even formulate a letter, you could just try printing off this page and giving it to her.

[day-dreamer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by skylarks123

Talking to people face to face about your problems and secrets can be really tough. If you don't feel comfortable talking to her, you could write a letter and give it to her. If you can't even formulate a letter, you could just try printing off this page and giving it to her.

thank you i will try that. Then all i will have to do is pluck up the courage to give it her.

[BridgesAndBalloons]

You could always post it to her if giving it to her would be too difficult, then you'd know she would have received it and read it without actually handing her anything personally.

[day-dreamer]

Thank you, i never thought of emailing it. I can do that. Thanks again

[Tessar]

Hi Day Dreamer. When I saw my Therapist & did CBT, I was never able to say much of what was going on in my mind so each week I used to pop notes through her letterbox the day before i saw her. Looking back i realise that if i'd not done that then the whole thing would have been pointless as she'd never have known how bad it was for me. so writing it in some form or other is a really good idea. it breaks the ice. i found that once i'd passed on my thoughts/feelings/fears etc, she could ask me questions. then i found it easier to open up
Years down the line now i'm seeing a counsellor (one of my abusers died & it triggered a whole load of stuff). this time round even tho it tooks several months, i have finally begun to open up in front of her. i'm still scared of crying, i find the whole thing very difficult indeed. i will add that what i went through feels nothing in comparison to you. that isnt to downgrade how i was treated becasue i know now that it was abuse & it has hurt me greatly. so when you find yourself back with your counsellor, think of your friends here who are holding your hand & helping you through a difficult task.
i can feel the intensity of your feelings & am so glad that you have been brave in contacting your counsellor & even mentioning there being more to it & the need to come back. even this step takes courage. i am thinking of you & right behind you on all of this. be brave my friend because it is going to help you get through. plus its also very brave of you to write about this on here too..... even writing here, amongst friends, takes alot of strength so i take my hat off to you.

[day-dreamer]

Thank you that means a lot, i just hope now that i have actually got the courage to go through with it on the day. thank you so much for your support

[pixiedust_11]

Hey, I agree with a lot of what has already been said that writing some of these things down can be extremely useful. I would also agree that stating you find it difficult to talk about is a good place to start, I did that once, and for some reason, stating it actually made it easier for me to get the words out, even though it was a particularly difficult topic for me.

Usually therapists are trained to ask the right kinds of questions that can trigger certain responses, so they can build a bigger picture of what is going on for you. Starting with a key piece of information is often the hardest but also the most significant place to start as it allows the therapist to then work with you around it.

I wish you the best of luck, and so many well dones for having the courage to email her for an appointment. I did the same once and it took me over a month to actually say what I needed to say, but I did it, and so can you :)

[day-dreamer]

Pixiedust 11, thank you for your support and advice and thank you all for your kind words, it really does mean a lot. x

[inunekorei]

I have to agree with everyone else on here already. I'm proud you took the first step and wrote to her and said you needed to talk. I know you will be brave enough when the time comes and I hope she can help you get through this. I'm always here for you if you need to talk. Much love.

[day-dreamer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by inunekorei

I have to agree with everyone else on here already. I'm proud you took the first step and wrote to her and said you needed to talk. I know you will be brave enough when the time comes and I hope she can help you get through this. I'm always here for you if you need to talk. Much love.

Thank you hun I will let you no how i get on it's supposed to be tomorrow. x x

[day-dreamer]

I failed. I walked in freaked out then walked back out :,( I'm so angry with my self x

[inunekorei]

I'm sorry to hear it didn't go well, but atleast you messaged her you needed to talk and made the effort to go! That's definently a start! Don't be angry, you will get there little by little, it takes time. You were so brave just doing that and I'm very proud of you. *big hugs*

[day-dreamer]

thank you for the support hunni, it really does mean a lot at the moment. I will try again after christmas, i dont think i can cope with going back any sooner, to put my self through that again it was embrassing :/ *big hugs back* x

[BridgesAndBalloons]

I'm sorry it didn't go well, it's still a huge accomplishment that you attempted it though and it's very brave of you to think about trying again :)

A lot of time things like these take a few tries to get through it, don't feel embarrassed, lots of people in those sorts of roles have understandably seen lots of upset reactions from people attempting to talk about, or deal, with very difficult issues.

Just because you didn't manage to get through it this time does not mean you've failed in any way.

[day-dreamer]

thank you and thank you for your support, i feel better when people tell me that they are used to that sort of behaviour because i don't know. She won't think that i'm messing her around will she or wasting her time? :/ x

[BridgesAndBalloons]

I shouldn't imagine she would think that you were messing her around or wasting her time. I think it's more commonly the case that it takes some time while you're in therapy to finally tell your therapist things. Simply because it takes a while to build up trust, to realise you're in a safe environment and feel more comfortable with disclosing that sort of information. Oftentimes that doesn't happen after a session or two, it takes a while to progress to the point where you're able to tell your therapist about abuse/rape/sexual assault etc.

A good therapist will understand that you have to go through that process to build up trust etc, they should be patient with you while you're working towards being able to talk about serious issues and life events.

[day-dreamer]

Thank you :)