I need help.

[SoldisNancy97]

I need help, really bad. I'm going to end up committing suicide. I can't do this anymore. I want the pain to stop. 3 Years ago i was raped and abused by the same man. I was only 12. I get nightmares about this every night and i wake up screaming or crying. I feel like I'm being stabbed in my stomach and throat, this hurts. I cut everyday. On the outside I may smile all the time and laugh, but it's all fake. I'm dead inside. I'm loosing my mind. I need help. Please. Anyone? What do I do?

[abstract449]

Have you ever gotten some help with this? That must have been such a hard thing to go through, I'm so sorry for that. I think it's super brave of you to post this though. It's hard to reveal your inner pain and tell people that you're really not fine, but once you do you can get help. Talk to any adult that you can trust. Your parents, your teacher, maybe even your friends parents. I can't guarantee that it'll be easy, but it will be worth it.

I'm no where near an expert, but one thing that helped me get past a similar experience was to gradually ease myself into the thought of it. An article online taught me how to do this (I'll try to find it again for you too!) Memories get changed and distorted every time you think about them, and if you take advantage of this enough you can essentially change your memories. Whenever you're relaxed and feel super safe, just "lightly" think about a memory that brings you pain. Even if it's for a split second. Try to stay calm and keep your mood up. If you keep easing yourself into that thought once in awhile then it'll start to get diluted by the association of being calm. If it's too difficult of you start to feel unsafe do not do this. Just stay safe, okay (: this is just a little suggestion.

If you're having an acutely hard time, I would recommend some distractions. RYL has a bunch of ideas and resources to help you do this. Or you could just rant to your hearts desire. Personally I think that's a great method lol.

Also http://rainn.org/ has some great resources as well, along with a 24 hour online chat with trained volunteers who will help you in anyway.

Stay safe! Feel free to PM me (:

[silent_scars11]

I'm so sorry to hear that you're hurting in this way, and I'm sorry to hear about what you had to experience. I think it's very understandable for you to be feeling so badly given what happened. Kudos to you for being so brave and open by posting on here, as the first step to healing is to seek the support of others.

I'm thankful that I do not have any personal experience in this area, but that means that I do not really know what to suggest, aside from seeking a professional therapist/counselor to help you work through this. I really don't know the first thing about how to begin healing from such a traumatic event, all I know is that you shouldn't have to deal with it alone. I also know, from the stories of others on here, that healing is possible and that you can feel better. Please don't end your life, because you deserve to feel better - something that can only happen if you're alive.

I'm sorry that I cannot be of more help, but please know that I'm sending along my virtual hugs <3 <3 <3

[PassedExpectations]

mostly this is just an echo of what has already been said, but i think it would be good to talk to an adult in real life about this. you don't deserve to continue going through this alone, and there is only so much that we can say/do over the computer. you've been very brave already... i'll bet that you can muster the courage to talk to a parent, counselor, or someone like that.

[Enchanted1]

Hello,

I unfortunatly have been a victum of this myself, and I have survived. For years I went through the same type of emotions that you are going through now, just without the cutting. I can tell you the pain, the nightmares, the feelings, although they never fully go away, they do get dull with time.

We survive everyday because we did not do this, we did not ask for this, it is not OUR fault. Our abusers would like us to think we brought this on ourselves, that somehow, something we did, or something we were, caused them to violate us. But it was something they did and what they are. Their treatment and threats were violence that they committed upon us, things that sicken us and manipulate our emotions years later. No matter what they said or did, we will survive because we know it is not our fault. It doesn't matter what the feelings were, we didn't cause this.

We Use The Emotional Pain To Make Us Stronger. Our abusers may have thought they broke us, beat us, dominated and manipulated us, but they strengthened us. They may have thought they took advantage of our weakness but the weakness is theirs. Their twisted behavior has left us with deep emotional pain but that pain makes us strong. It strengthens and reinforces our resolve to recapture every part of life they tied to steal. Every time their abuse comes to mind, we force it out with happy, pure, thoughts, until our minds are overflowing with joy. Every time we sense an emptiness, we fill it with useful, meaningful activity. Those times when this is too difficult, we ask God for help, and His love strengthens us.

These are just a few points I wanted to higlight from the website that I found and will share here with you.

Your life is precious, and no matter what struggles you are going through you are loved. Please remember that you are not alone, and our lives, the lives of your friends and family will never be the same if you choose to end your life. Coming from someone who has lost a family member and a boyfriend to suicide I can tell you that is not the way to go. Reach out to parents, friends, teachers, counselors whomever you need to talk to in order to get help.

Please visit the website below
http://www.way2hope.org/family-artic...ot_victims.htm

Feel free to send me a message, I am always willing to lend an ear