Reviews Requested- Contains upsetting material - The secrets of a bulimic

[Buttons.]

To be a bulimic you have to appreciate need, crave sensation, feeling, extremes… Then, when you finally meet your desires face to face you raise a red knuckled, vomit drenched fist and smash the mirror, because gazing into reality…into truth, is just too much. Everything you see, hear, sense, think, the very essence of you, of the world, is turned up to an intensity that simultaneously hurts and thrills.

It is only when you are alone on your knees in the bathroom, after the high of experience and control has passed, your hands and face vomit strewn, stray pieces of food spattered like so much rubbish, wiping away the strands of saliva that wind around your fingers as though spiders webs, silvery in the moonlight, slowly seducing a fly into a deathly web.

You wash carefully, compulsively, praying that the soap will scent your hands strongly enough to hide the sickly smell, leaving you only with secretive, perfumed shame. If alone, you rest your head a second against the cool face of the mirror, because for a moment, just a moment, the weakness is allowed to show; the limbs shake, the heart beats a mile a minute, lips burning bright, the fingers aching with effort, knuckle bright and bleeding where incisor meets skin, mouth sour with the secret you keep wrapped up in food wrappers.

Presentable once more you smile, checking your teeth as you do so, plump and perfect your hair, check your hands for shaking, swill water round and round your mouth, ridding it of the taste of guilt and disgust which lingers on the tongue long after the act. You leave the bathroom. ‘Oh, hi how are you doing? Bloody awful weather isn’t it?’ And no one need ever know. Because after all, you learnt secrecy kneeling at the toilet bowl.

[NoWarButTheClassWar]

This is really powerful. I've never suffered from bulimia myself (I'm a cutter, myself), but your description has helped me gain something of an idea of, I dunno, I guess I'd call it "a moment in the life of a bulimic". Well done :)

[[Purple_Rain]]

This is so painfully true, and so very well written. I hope you're ok <3