Trying To Be Okay...Please Read...Possibly Triggering, I'm Not Sure

[demiinspires]

Hi! I'm demiinspires and I really want to stop SH. I really want to come out and accept professional help, but I'm not quite sure if I should do it yet. And I would apreciate it if any of you could answer some of my questions...:

1. One of my parents has something where stress is very bad for it. I want to tell both my parents that I would like to get professional help for my SH. They don't know that I SH. Do you have any suggestions on how to break the news to that parent?

2. When I tell my parents I would like help for my SH, how do you suggest trying to make things as easy as possible when I tell them?

3. (Preferably someone who is a Christian please answer this) There is a complicated situation that I'm in right now if I decide to tell my parents about my SH now. We are in a bad financial situation right now and can't afford for a therapist or psychologist of any kind. Due to a past issue between me and someone else, one of my parents suggest that I maybe go see a therapist (bearing in mind, nobody except some people on websites such as this know that I SH) but we cant actually afford to see somone who has a main title of therapist. So that parent suggested that I go see a pastor at out church (we are Christians) or a member of the chuch that is a therapist. Only problem is, I don't feel comfortable going to someone who is a member of our church. I don't know why but it would be very uncomfortable to me. I knwo it sounds strange but I would rather talk to someone that I don't even know than someone who I might pass by in the hallways of our church. My mother made a point (and I do agree with it kinda) that it might be better to talk to a Christian person. And sure, it might be nice but I just really don't want to see one who goes to our church. So MY QUESTION IS: We don't have enough money to see any titled ''therapist'' or ''psychologist'' or whatever. I'm afraid if I come out about my SH, they'll force me to go to someone in the church. How should I handle the situation with that in mind?

4. If I go to a councellor, say for example: the one at my school, and tell them about my SH, are they obligated to tell my parents?


Thank you very much for your time! It means a lot to me. Please try to answer these questions as best as you can if you can answer them. Thank you!

[silent_scars11]

I'm glad you feel that you would like to work on stopping SH, that's a really big step in the right direction. Good for you!

Anyway, I'll do my best with the questions:

1) Do you feel more comfortable talking with your other parent? If so, it would probably be easier to discuss the SH with that other parent first, then he/she can help you with discussing SH with the parent who experiences the bad stress. Or you could go to your counselor at school first, and then the counselor could have your parents come in for a small group session and help explain it to them. That's more like what I did, except my therapist wasn't through my school - I was already seeing someone for depression and anxiety before I started SI'ing.

2) I still recommend the counselor way here. A counselor can explain it to your parents in a way that would be far less likely to make them freak out about it. Also, I don't know what your parents are like, but they're much less likely to get angry with you if a counselor can explain it to them, because remember: SH is not your fault - it's not a crime, but a coping mechanism even if it's not the healthiest one. And I think most counselors would really be able to help make the conversation easier than it would be with just you and your parents. (At least this is what happened from my own experience.)

3) The school counselor is most likely free. I too am Christian and I understand you not wanting to talk to a pastor or someone from Church about this. It's definitely easier to talk about SH to someone you don't know and you won't have to worry about judging you later. Plus, if you're close with any of those people from the Church, you might also fear hurting them or hurting your parents who know them. But that's the great thing about a counselor - they won't judge you and they won't be hurt by you. They'll only try to help you.

4) If you're not a legal adult (18 in the U.S.), I think they might be obligated to tell your parents, but I'm not really sure as I didn't start SH'ing until I was already an adult. But like I said above, a counselor at school might be the best way to tell your parents!

Best of luck with everything. You're very strong to be trying to stop and to want to ask for help. I am so proud of you for doing this. Please let me know if there's any other way I can help. (I'm on here whenever college isn't devouring my life, haha.)

*Hugs* <3

[one lie at a time]

The above post is has some really great advice in it that I agree with. I don't have much to add but I want to tell you that I care and hope you're able to see someone, and I want to clarify that yes, in the US, the school counselor would be legally obligated to tell your parents. But maybe that's not such a bad thing. The counselor would know how to talk to them about it. You could ask your counselor to help you tell your parents, even. Good luck and take care. xx