All around, I'm a happy person, and I never let the dark part of me show. When I'm upset, I keep it to myself so I don't burdon others. My question to everyone is; if I'm happy, then why should I quit cutting. I never take it too far, and sometimes it feels like it's the only thing holding me together. I know that something is seriously wrong with me for wanting to hurt myself, but I feel just fine otherwise. And I know I should stop too, but see no reason in it. So far, it hasn't harmed my health too much and I seriously doubt it will. Barely any of my friends know I cut, and the ones that do don't care--so I'm not hurting anyone. What's the reason of stopping if all I get is positive effects? Sorry if I sound like I'm whining, I just need some honest opinions here (: thanks for listening haha
I feel like it's a way of justifying things, along with the feeling that it's about survival if that makes sense.
I know if I didn't harm when I feel like I need to I'd be doing worse things really.
I think you are making excuses because you are scared of what would happen if you stopped. I'm like this, too. I'm always making excuses.
I was thinking like you, too. That I'm not hurting anyone and that I wont ever cut too deep. Until the day I didn't feel pain and I cut deeper than ever. Not too deep.. luckily. That day I decided that I can't go on like this forever.
I hope you don't have to go through this, because feeling no pain when all you want is to feel the pain sucks... a lot.
You survived the abuse.
You're gonna survive the recovery.
Thats what I thought in the beginning. I was 10 years old when I first started SI'ing, I'm nearly 25 now, and I'm really struggling, trying to stop. As much as you may think right now, "whats the harm?", believe me, one day you're probably going to regret it. Just like I have. SI can be addicting, I used to think I wasnt doing any harm, back then I never cut badly, no one knew, and it made me feel better. But now, I hate myself for letting it get this far. I'm covered in scars, and I have to live with what I have done to myself. And I can relate to what Laura said about the day you dont feel the pain, and you cut too deep. I've had too many of those days, and numerous trips to the hospital because I just couldnt stop, and I didnt feel a thing. I know that right now you probably dont think it can do much damage, but it can.
The worst thing about depression — the thing that makes people phobic about it — is that it’s a foretaste of death. It’s a trip to the country of nothingness. Reality loses its substance and becomes ghostly, transparent, unbelievable. This perception of what’s outside infects the perception of the self, which explains why depressed people feel they aren’t “there.” -Chase Twichell
Very true, I guess you guys are right. I really don't want to end up feeling extreme regret later o: I'm trying to stop, and lately I saw how insane the concept of hurting myself really is, on the account of my friend's negitive reaction to it ): so I'm really going to try to stop now. Thanks everyone (:
Ask yourself, would you still be happy if you quit SI?
If you started to have urges to deal with certain aspects, then it is very clearly a coping problem. And it means certain issues are yet to be dealt with. Which in the end, SI is really a distractor--it prevents you from dealing properly.
When i was SI i never used to see it as such a bad thing, but when i was trying to stop and looking back at when i didnt see it as a bad thing i can see i was a lot worse off emotionally then before, more anxious, more depressed, more isolated, more secretive. At the time i just didnt see it. Thinking rationally now, i see that its not a good thing, not a good way to cope and eventually despite it seeming good it actually causes more pain. It leaves you with scars you always have to see, marks you have to hide, it leaves you with regret and guilt and shame, you constantly have to lie to people. and if you loved yourself you would realise you dont deserve to be hurt by yourself.
I think although you say you are happy you are obviously hurting yourself for a reason, so you are not fine and maybe its difficult to admit that and easier to bottle away and deny and block out how you really feel but i dont think thats good in the long run. I think at some point you will realise that SI is a bad thing and regret it, its something you have to realise on your own though.
maybe make a list of how it helps but also why its negative and be completley honest with yourself.
♥ .I'm going to fall like I don't need saving. ♥
...My smile's just the armour I built when I was alone...
There was some part of me that hurt so badly, that I wouldn't ever be able to forget it.
It faded but the memories could bring it back any second, keeping me in the moment.
It would never fully heal. I could never really be free. I could never really be fixed. Now I just have to work out how to live whilst being broken.
I feel like I'm dying.
