Hey everybody. I know no one really knows me here. I haven't posted in quite a while either. But I thought I'd come back and give a little update and tell a piece of my story.
I started therapy the beginning of September. I was in a really bad place and had just begun cutting myself. I felt so empty all the time. Either that or I felt a million emotions at once and couldn't handle it. The cutting started getting worse and so did my depression.
I finally decided in November to tell my therapist about the self harm, since it's part of the reason I even started therapy in the first place! A few weeks later I brought my family in to tell them what was going on. I expected the worst. It was the hardest thing I think I've ever done in my life. They of course were very upset and worried but didn't judge and were supportive.
Ever since the new year, I've been feeling a lot better. I think it was a few things coupled together; a break from school/work/friends, a new year, support, etc. The last time I cut myself was January 19th.
I feel like a switch went off in my mind. I was lucky enough to not have to be put on medication. I was determined to get back to my old self and be the person I know I'm meant to be. Changing my thinking was key in my recovery. Sure, I still have terrible days, and cutting crosses my mind often but I know I'm stronger than that. I'm so blessed and have been given an opportunity to start over and find who I really am. I'm still working on many things in my therapy sessions but I feel I've moved passed this one chapter in my life and made it out alive.
Sure, I have scars to show for it and still have to face the questions and judgement when other important people in my life find out about it, but I know I'm better than just that and the scars do not define me.
I know it doesn't happen this way for many people. Some people struggle with the addiction for years and years and the depression never goes away. I don't why it happened like this for me, but all I can be is thankful that I'm a stronger person for it now.
I just wanted to share my story and say thank you for having this website. It helped me many times when I was struggling and I'm sure will help me (and countless others) in the future.
I'm here if anyone needs to talk or anything. I've been thinking of getting a tattoo on my wrist (a small one) of an orange SH ribbon with the words "Stay Strong" next to it. Does anyone have any thoughts on that? I know that an orange ribbon is also for leukemia so I wouldn't want it to get confused :/
Thanks again for listening and for reading this whole thing. Stay strong everyone!
