Uncontrollable Expressionless Crying

~Jo~ · 23-03-2011, 04:19 PM

Im in my final year at uni. The past couple of weeks in a row I've had episodes of expressionless and uncontrolable crying. The smallest things starts it off. Deadlines coming up but Im good at what Im doing, I have no real reason to feel too much pressure etc other than the pressure I put on myself.

I have a history of depression and have had counselling most of my life up until the past four years. The past few months I feel like im really struggling. Paranoid about friendships and when I try and discuss it with people I get answers that make me feel like my thoughts are irational and bizare.

I told my group of friends today that I felt quite isolated and not very included as they're always doing things together and not really inviting me. A very small part of me realises that this is normal because they are so close but the rest of my head seems to make a huge deal of this. They didnt see why I should be upset about it. I sat and cried expressionless for about an hour and they continued to have lunch and conversation, pretending I wasnt crying after having tried to convince me they were my friends.

Im now realy confused.

Stellata · 23-03-2011, 05:06 PM

Seems like there's a lot of deep sadness at the moment which is craving expression. That's ok, as disconcerting as it can be, I know.

Looking towards leaving uni can be very destabilising, and many people feel insecure at this time. And as you've a tendency to depression, this may emerge to the forefront as you approach the losses and the change.

How do you feel about getting counselling support again?

~Jo~ · 23-03-2011, 05:10 PM

Im strongly considering it, but Im worried that because they wont know my background that they'll think the feelings I'm having now are silly and just fob me off with some advice that isnt going to help me. Im also worried that if I start discussing some underlying issues again that it'll take me back a stage in my life where I don't want to be.

Stellata · 23-03-2011, 05:15 PM

Does your GP know your background? Maybe you could drop into your GP and ask him/her for a referral letter to uni counselling?

They will be interested in where you are now, and how you got here. Now isn't the past, but knowing threaded roots helps to understand. It's containing the broader picture, the whole map, without falling into the bog of part. Does that make sense?

~Jo~ · 23-03-2011, 05:22 PM

I don't really have a GP. I usually just take which ever Dr is available when I need one.

I guess I can only go and try it. Im scared to go back into uni now after leaving today. They just sat and ignored me as I cried and made a :/ face as I left. Im paranoid as to what they're thinking of me.