So much has happened in the last few months I can't comprehend it all. I've missed so much school I wouldn't be surprised if I had to repeat my freshman year. I've learned that people get close and when they see that I'm different they back away. Some people leave you and some are ripped from your life. She was always there for me and talked when I needed it. Don't thnk she cares anymore and it's so hard without her. What is it with me scaring off people? I'm never going to be able to fnd someone who loves me? Do I have a chance for someone to come along or am I a hopeless case? Is it because I'm so depressed now. I always hid it, maybe I should again. My therapist doesn't know what she's talking about. She's no help. I need help so badly right now. I'm so close to the edge.
I would say you shouldn't hide your depression, you should instead work on recovering from it. There's no reason why you won't meet someone who will love you and be there for you - no reason for you to be a hopeless case, but you've got to be able to be happy with yourself too and maybe that's worth working on with someone, before you worry about others loving you.
If your therapist isn't helping you can you try and find another one? I know it isn't easy but it is worth it.
Also, are you confident you'll have to repeat? Can you talk to anyone at the school about it and how you might be able to catch up? If you're not, don't worry too much about it because it is much more important you put your health first and take the time you need to look after yourself. I did my final year over two years which allowed me to look after myself a bit better and it didn't effect my future at all, it made sure I was able to look after myself which is the most important for you.
I hear that you're feeling so helpless at the moment, please don't give up there is hope even though sometimes depression skews that view, please don't listen to it when it tells you there is no hope; there is always hope.
But if people find out something else is wrong my foster mom might not want me or I might not get to see my sister. I hate feeling so alone. I Dobt want another therapist I don't want one at all. I don't know if I'll have to repeat but they wanna talk about it with Claire.
repeating a grade isn't so bad. at the moment i'm repeating my junior year. its one of those things where you think everyone will notice, but most of them aren't paying that close attention.....
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Why do you think your Foster mum may not want you? Is it because of the possibility of repeating the year? Is it worth sitting down with her and explaining how you are feeling right now, and that you think this may be a possibility - and that if it is, it would give you the opportunity to put your all into it, in a way you have been less able to at the moment.
Is it worth discussing your fear of losing your Foster Mother with her, and with your counsellor?
You also mention Claire - is this your therapist/counsellor? Is this the same person you say was there for you, but no longer seems to be as much?
I can sense a lot of abandonment issues in your posts, and so am wondering who it is that you feel has stopped listening to you, and if there is a way you can sit down and discuss your insecurities, with your foster mum, or your therapist.
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
I've not left sweetheart. I just want you to tell me (and everyone else) the truth. You will still receive help and attention and love. Just tell the truth. *hugs gently*
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
