My boyfriend is gay.

[SheHasHope]

So...my boyfriend of over one year broke up with because he's gay. And it was completely out of the blue. I'm not against gay people at all, but it's just...I don't know how I'm supposed to react or feel and I can't stop crying because I'm so shocked and depressed.

The worst part is he said he knew he was 100% gay four months into the relationship. That's eight months that he knew, and in those eight months we went to prom, the Renaissance Festival, a Paramore Concert, multiple dinners, parties, movies, etc, etc, etc. And I had no idea.

I'm also getting strong urges to self injure, but it's like...I'm too shocked right now to do anything but put myself on auto pilot.

Help me understand this. :/

[Aimless]

Wow, this must really come as a huge shock. I'm sorry it happened this way :(

I don't think you're "supposed" to feel anything. You're allowed to feel whatever you are feeling, don't forget that. There is no right or wrong. I'd be pretty shocked in your situation, too, especially since you didn't see it coming!

I don't really know what to advise apart from, try and treat yourself gently, and don't feel obligated to talk to him about it right now. You're allowed space, too.

It's important to remember that this is not your fault. He can't help being gay just like you can't help wanting your relationship back, but it's not a reflection on you.

It's tough that he kept this from you for so long, but I'm guessing it wasn't easy for him either. Maybe he wanted to make it work, maybe he didn't want to hurt you... I mean, this can be a difficult thing to admit to anyone, so maybe he didn't have the courage at first.

It sounds cliched, but it DOES get better in time. Surround yourself with things you like right now, have friends over for a good ole' bitchfest, treat yourself to relaxing days. Maybe in time you and him can rebuild a friendship, but let it be on your terms.

[Opus.]

Aimless said everything I was going to, really. But I still wanted to reply and tell you that I hope you're okay.

- Tre x

[nowhereman]

I hope you're ok too. This must be a big shock for you. I hope you'll treat yourself kindly, time is a healer. Stay safe. I'm sure he wouldn't want you to self harm over this.