Hi, I'm Sarah and I'm a 22 year old student in Scotland. I have had problems since I was about 13, when I became Anorexic. When I turned 18 it was like someone in me flicked a switch and I became a binge eater. I won't mention any numbers, because I know that is not allowed but in order to make you understand how much I was eating, I literally tripled my weight in 6 months and ended up with an obese BMI. During that year I also started self harming quite badly and ended up being admitted to hospital twice. That was my "Gap Year" - while everyone else was off travelling the world I was doing a tour of all the hospitals in Scotland.
I then went to university to study Biochemistry and crawled through that degree. While at uni I became Bulimic and currently Bulimia has completely taken over my life. I spend most days just eating and purging. I am supposed to be doing an MSc in Genomics but I had to take time out, because food isn't allowed in biology labs, and my brain didn't seem to be able to cope with that fact. In recent months, as the Bulimia has gotten worse I have found myself self-harming again, and I guess that is why I have joined here.
But I will try not to moan too much! I enjoy drawing, art in general and I play the oboe. I used to play in professional orchestras but when my life fell apart I found I couldn't concentrate and I kept missing my entries and got kicked out.
I live alone, and I guess I would just like to have some people to talk to about things that I find to shameful to tell people I know in the "real world".
And now I have written an essay about my life I will stop typing, before your internet connection times out!
Hi Sarah welcome to RYL! I'm glad you found this place.
I hope you get all the support you need and deserve.
My PM box is always open so please do not hesitate to
get in touch.
Take care
Louise x
“Never lose faith in yourself,
and never lose hope;
remember, even when this world throws its worst and then turns its back,
there is still always hope.”
Hi Sarah!
I'm also 22 and my 'problems' began when I was 13 too. I don't have any experience with ED but I do have an understanding of addiction.
I'm also glad you found this site, it has helped me alot over the years :)
I'm on here every now and then, i'd say a couple of times a week ish so if you wanna PM please do.
Hi Sarah, I'm new and from Scotland too. I understand your concern in wanting to be able to have an outlet to talk, somewhere not in the real world. I myself am here for the same reason. Sometimes if I can virtually speak over it, it helps to verbally admit there's a problem.
I don't have experiences with an E.D. myself, but I understand addiction and the resultant mess you find youself in. I am more than happy to talk things over with you, should you wish. Or maybe even a little word about your art - It's good to be into something like that, because it gives you something to hang on to.
Stay strong, and take care of yourself. I really hope you find this site helpful.
"i made a machine that will turn bad feelings into kittens. i am not sure how i will feed them all." - a softer world
Thank you so much for all your replies. I was a bit worried about posting, but you have all be so welcoming.
Sparkyc09 and apix, I tend to view the Bulimia more as an additction than an eating disorder at the moment. I am less concerned about my weight/ shape than the fact it has just completely taken over my life to the point that it is all I feel I live for, if that makes sense. My therapist just doesn't seem to understand that. I mean I know it isn't physically addictive, but when I try to stop doing it, even for a day, the anxiety, emptiness and fear is just overwhelming. So it was amazing to find people who understood that.
Thank you again - I had been feeling pretty isolated recently and all your offers of PM/ support mean so much. :D. You are all awesome!
