I'm on the fence about posting this, but I think I need to. Mods please feel free to remove
SI is wrong, it isn't logical, its dangerous, its unhealthy in so many ways....
I thought I understood and believe this....but sometimes, a lot of times, when I'm triggered I find myself thinking
'it isn't wrong to feel pain, it isn't wrong to cope. I'm not hurting anyone else. A scar is like a tattoo, its a personal choice' and things along those lines.
I'm not saying SI is 'okay'....I'm looking...I think I'm looking for reasons why it is wrong. More 'proof' I need to stop
You will find that having is not so pleasing a thing as wanting. It is not logical, but is often true-Spock
I'd rather have a goddam horse. A horse is at least human, for God's sake. ~J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye
IMHO its neither wrong nor right. Its just a very dangerous maligned coping mechanism.
Then wear the gold hat, if that will move her;
If you can bounce high, bounce for her too,
Till she cry "Lover, gold-hatted, high-bouncing lover,
I must have you!"
Thomas Parke D’Invilliers
Personally... I don't think I see it as 'wrong' necessarily.. for myself, taking out my frustrations, I think: would it really be better for me to take this out on another living creature, or do it to myself? I think taking it out on someone else would be 'wrong', but I don't know about doing it to myself..
(disclaimer: I'm not encouraging anyone to self harm, definitely not, nor am I saying that it's a good thing because I definitely don't think that, just stating how I view it for myself)
I find myself asking the same thing. I mean its my body right? But then i ask myself would i listen to this same argument from someone i love? Like my nephews or niece... if they were to SI and they came to me with the same arguments i give about it being okay would i buy it? I would tell them its wrong. I guess that helps me in a way, to think of it like that.
“You have a choice.
Live or die.
Every breath is a choice.
Every minute is a choice.
To be or not to be."
I agree with Freedom Fighter. It's a coping mechanism, not intrinsically good or bad. In fact, it seems to me that if you think of it as being a bad thing, you may end up making yourself feel guiltier as you struggle with it (if you see what I'm saying). There are other equally bad coping mechanisms out there: for example, drinking, smoking, other drugs, even (in some cases) sexual promiscuity. In fact, I'd argue that almost all of those are worse than SI, if for no other reason than that they're all potentially dangerous to other people, as well.
That being said, SI is definitely not something to embrace over the long term. You may not be exposing other people to secondhand smoke or driving around drunk, but you are putting yourself at terrible risk for infections, serious injuries, and permanent physical damage, not to mention the emotional toll. While not directly physically damaging to the people close to you, it does cause friction, heartache, fear, anger...etc. And, not to be morbid or sensationalist, there's always a possibility of going "too far."
Proving to yourself that you have to stop is something that only you can do, unfortunately. But if you need reasons, I encourage you to look inward. Think of your goals and relationships. Remember all the lonely moments spent freaking out because you did more damage than you realized, or made a mess it wasn't easy to just clean up or cover up. Remember all the things it has cost you. You can never have that time or any of those things back now. Past regret makes an excellent motivator for future prevention.
I think SI is a maladjusted coping technique, but in many, many situations you find yourself wondering what would be a 'normal' coping mechinism for what people have been through. Logical has its place but so many things in life aren't logical, and so your reaction to them is a normal reaction to abnormal circumstances.
I think the very basic truth about SI is that, yes, it is dangerous no matter how careful you are.
Yes, it goes against healthy psychology because human nature is to avoid pain. BUT, you aren't actually inflicting new pain in most cases you are expressing 'old' pain. And the truth about that is, others will always feel more comfortable knowing your are in emotional pain than seeing you are in physical pain.
The long-term goal in a 'level' person would be to express that old pain in a way that didn't cause harm to self or others, of course that's very tricky to do because many people fear that expressing it to others could lead to damaging them, too. So the more 'selfless' route is to express it via SI.
It takes a long time to realize who it is safe to tell, when, and that in set circumstances it is safe for both you and that person to talk openly about things and find other ways of coping.
Sorry that's my two cents worth, I hope I haven't said anything unhelpful.
"I know that every good and excellent thing in the world stands moment by moment on the razor-edge of danger and must be fought for."
-Thornton Wilder
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause its banged up a little."
Mum to Caleb: Has autism and epilepsy. Makes me laugh every single day!
Mum to Natty: Cheeky little punkhead-ASD but it doesn't slow her down!
Slave to Pippin the dog.
It may not be inherently wrong, especially in comparison to other things, but it is most definitely not right. It is not healthy. It's wrong to rely on something like self-harm as a basic coping mechanism, and the sooner a person finds a healthier one the better for them and their mental health.
Maybe not wrong so much, but it just doesn't solve anything.
I mean, it depends on why you do it, but generally, it doesn't change anything. You won't feel any less hurt about the issues that trouble you, be that school, or relationships, or anything really. There's a problem, so you hurt yourself, and the problem is still there. That's what helps me not to do it mostly. It's scary to tackle the problems, but they won't go away if I SI.
I think the longer we do it, the more "normal" and acceptable it seems. But if there was an animal, or a person we cared about that was self harming we would want them to stop. And to me that shows that we know it isn't a healthy way to cope.
I believe there are aspects to SH that make them wrong. I think the biggest thing that makes it wrong would be the fact that you are hurting youself, just to hurt yourself. The things that I believe I use to try and make it justifiable are that it's my body, i'm coping and it makes me feel better. But there are other ways of coping and making yourself feel better that dont involve causing unnessisary pain to yourself. I hope this helped a little. *hugs* Good luck in your journey to freedom. Take care.
"Wish that I could cry,
Fall apon my knees,
Find a way to lie,
About the home I'll never see"
Superman by Five For Fighting
"always do what makes you happy." i get told that occasionally by well meaning people. it's up to you in the end however to judge the price of self-harming against a temporary relief.
