The following content has been hidden - Reason : triggering
I used to be free.
But now I'm not.
Today I hurt myself after being free after 2 years. I couldn't take it anymore. I just wanted, no I NEEDED it so bad. I needed to take the pain away. All of this optimistic stuff I have been trying to push on myself just wasn't working anymore. :'(
My mother got angry at me, saying my childhood wasn't bad at all. She doesn't know, she wasn't me...
Parents divorced when I was 8; mom was abusive and dad is a drunk. I have two brothers, who are physically and mentally handicapped (can't walk, talk, or feed themselves). Kids made fun of me in school for: my brothers, being poor, being ugly, having buck teeth. I had no friends to go to. I had no family to go to. When I got up the nerve to tell my mom I felt depressed, she ignored it.
I'm so lost. No one cares about what I went through. Its like my life isn't worth it to anyone. My feelings aren't valid. I'm just wrong. Always wrong.
I feel so guilty for giving in to what I needed, but then again I feel so satisfied.
I know,
We're all souls just Trying to connect with ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~someone
First off, WELL DONE FOR THE 2 YEARS! thats a very long time to go without sh, so you should be proud of that hunni. I know its really hard but try not to beat yourself up about the slip up as everyone who is trying to recover will go through it, just think of how far you have come and you have only had one slip up.
Also slip ups are part of recovery but it shows that you can do this and you are going to beat this. Try not to let one slip up ruin the hard work you have put in to beat sh as you can do it , i know you can.
I'm just wondering is there any other way that has worked for you in the past other then SH to release tension and emotions maybe writing it down, talking to a friend etc?
I am sorry about your childhood, it musthave being very tough for you, is there anyone you can talk to about this? How it might have affected you, or the feelings you have about your childhood?
One last thing, your feelings Are valid, it would be completly understandable that you would feel like this, your not wrong hun.
can you try and educate your mom about how it does feel to be you?
two years without self harm is great
dont see this as you are no longer free from harm. it was a slip up and thats ok. you can move on and be stronger for it
im sorry your childhood was not the greatest,,,but what doesnt kill us, only makes us stronger(: so therefore you are a very,very strong person who has a LOT to offer the world(: everyone has slip ups so dont feel bad, 2 years is amazing and dont forget that! ever! if youve made it that far once you can do it again(; just believe. if you need anyone to talk to im here!! PM, email, texting, facebook, anything i swear ill listen(: going to someone really helps deal with all your emotions and get through urges and what not. plus its just a grand idea in the first place! (:
First of all well done on making it through two years that is an amazing effort. Yes you've slipped up but you can either decide to stay down or to dust yourself off and pick yourself up. You can beat this. Everyone experiences slip ups during recovery, it is the choices we make afterwards that matter the most. I'm sorry you had a hard childhood also please don't ever let someone make you feel that what you went through isn't valid. Take care
Kat xxx
"Recovery is something that you have to work
on every single day and it's
something that doesn't
get a day off."
aww hun it's ok, the fact that you made it 2 years is amazing. Kudos for that. Just because you slipped up doesn't mean you failed, you are recovering. Just keep fighting, you can beat this.
your feelings are always valid, never think otherwise. I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that <3
We care what you went through, sweetie. We're always here for you. You can always PM me. I'm sorry to hear you had a slip up. It's okay, it'll happen. Try not to beat yourself up about it though. x
oh hun im sorry to hear you seem to of had such a bad time :( *massive uber hugs*
Well done for 2 years though that is amazing :D you can reach that again, its only been one slip up everyone has them :) believe. People do care about you and what you have been through and everyone on here is here to help :) i dont really have much advise but im here if you ever wanna talk just pm me :) hope you are okay soon, take care and be safe xxx
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said "I just don't care"?
