Triggering (SI) - I feel like a fake if i don't cut deep enough
I feel like I can't even do that right. It makes me feel worse if i'm honest. But when I cut lightly, I feel as though people will look at me, and judge that i'm doing it for attention. I don't know what to do.
Happiness is a form of courage
~ Holbrook Jackson
''Although the scars of yesterday remain, you can go on living as much as your heart believes. You can't be born again, although you can change.''
Unfortunately many people judge self-harmers by the extent of their self-injury, but those who self-harm know that the damage does not equate to the amount of suffering you are in. You are in pain, and you are not a fake. If anyone resorts to self-harm, their problems and behavior are valid.
i can totally relate to you.
i havent cut for a few months, but when i did i never did it 'that deep', i cut alot, sometimes they were deeper than others, but never as deep as ones i have seen on other people/ on the net.
and i always felt afterwards that i was a bit of a fake.
but i have got to the point that i realise that it doesnt matter how deep or how many times or how often you do it etc. if you find it as a release then thats all that kinda matters. and in a way your better for not cutting too deep, if that makes any sence at all???
basically what im trying to say is your not a fake, and there are a lot of peopel in your situation....me for one.
PM me if you ever want to talk.
Em x
I can relate to feeling like that, as I bet a lot of people can, but its not right. As already said, you cut for a reason and that is important, it shouldnt be devalued because of the extent of the injury.
i used to cut a lot but never that deep, even now when i do it doesn't leave a scar - i only have one or two - someitmes i wish had more - which is plain stupid really.
I would agree that it's good you don't cut that deep...you have a lower risk for infection, scarring, bleeding too much, etc... But you are still doing harm to yourself. You are still hurting. It's how we cope. And there is no one out there to say "well, it doesn't count unless you cut deep." That's BS.
It's like when I think about cutting - I don't want to cut so that I bleed to death, but I wouldn't mind having to get a few stitches. Does that make me worse than anybody else who cuts? Nope.
Even a shallow cut lets us see the red...and I think that red is soothing to us. But you're not a fake. You're here...talking to us...which means you need help. And we're all here to help you.
Mental illness is no different than any other disease. Just as the diabetic did not ask for diabetes, or the leukemic did not ask for cancer; we did not ask for this disease. But we must fight it just as we would fight any other medical diagnosis and accept that it is not our fault that we fell ill. We, too, can survive.
Hey, it's not about HOW you do it it's about the fact that you use self harm as a way to express your feelings. Think if you got an answer wrong on a test, it doesn't matter how BADLY you got the answer wrong it's still wrong right? Same kinda thing, not that I'm saying self harm is wrong just that if you do it, you do it there's no inbetween and no "better" kind of self harm in the same sense that theres no way to do worse than a wrong answer in a test.
"this is the room where you don't have to be brave"
Hun, I can relate as well.
But you're not a fake at all, self-harm is self-harm - no matter how bad. It still needs the same understanding and care from people. *hugs*
I'm here if you want to talk. <33
Hey, it's not about HOW you do it it's about the fact that you use self harm as a way to express your feelings. Think if you got an answer wrong on a test, it doesn't matter how BADLY you got the answer wrong it's still wrong right? Same kinda thing, not that I'm saying self harm is wrong just that if you do it, you do it there's no inbetween and no "better" kind of self harm in the same sense that theres no way to do worse than a wrong answer in a test.
I absolutely agree...but at the same time, I struggle with it. I think "oh, doing XXX isn't nearly as bad as doing XXX, so then it's ok." But that's just a way for me to rationalize it in my head. Does anyone else do that? Think to themselves, "oh, this isn't that bad. It doesn't 'count'."
Mental illness is no different than any other disease. Just as the diabetic did not ask for diabetes, or the leukemic did not ask for cancer; we did not ask for this disease. But we must fight it just as we would fight any other medical diagnosis and accept that it is not our fault that we fell ill. We, too, can survive.
More then anything, i regret cuting to deep.
My whole body is patterend with bold thick impresions of my past.
Even if one day i didn't need to self-harm, you cant erase it.
I think as you can see from everyone who has replied that you are not alone.
I am the same as you, because i dont cut deep and i feel fake, i feel like its not bad enough to get help with, that its almost laughable because its not deep enough, and that its not big deal cause its not deep.
But the truth is, you cut, it doesnt matter how deep it is, you still cut and its still self harm and something you use to cope with how much you hurt inside.
So maybe we dont need medical help with our cuts, but we need help with what is making us resort to SH, that is the only difference. Now i just need to convince myself that what i am saying is true...
Hope you feel better and less alone xxx
♥ .I'm going to fall like I don't need saving. ♥
...My smile's just the armour I built when I was alone...
There was some part of me that hurt so badly, that I wouldn't ever be able to forget it.
It faded but the memories could bring it back any second, keeping me in the moment.
It would never fully heal. I could never really be free. I could never really be fixed. Now I just have to work out how to live whilst being broken.
I feel like I'm dying.
I feel like I can't even do that right. It makes me feel worse if i'm honest. But when I cut lightly, I feel as though people will look at me, and judge that i'm doing it for attention. I don't know what to do.
Hi. I feel for you.
The truth is there is no "contest"
You are not "doing it for attention" and people who think you are, are wrong. Don't add their views to your "self talk".
Obviously, the less you cut the better. Honestly, you are cutting because you can't address the root cause of your problems. Perhaps these problems are very complex. You don't have a clue where to begin. There is a reason you are cutting.
What to do? Find somebody to talk to who will listen. Find somebody with training that teaches them how to listen.
You are sad for a reason. It might be a genuinely difficult situation or it can be chemical.
In my case, I lost my job and don;t know how to find a new one. If it wasn;t for the girl I love i could be you. she is far away but she exists and her smile exists. that smile keeps me going.
I can totally relate to what you are saying. I often feel like a "Fake" as if I cant even do this properly.
I hope you never succeed at "properly" and you are not fake. I cut "poorly" myself before and have imnagined somebody finding me as being one reason for not doing something stupid. Another reason is while i'm depressed, I don;t really want to die.
Your problems are real. The question is how do you "step outside the box" and find more constructive ways to deal with it. Who could you talk to that is trained to listen.
I agree with everybody here, the depth of the injury does not indicate the suffering inside.
Right now you think it's a bad thing, but years down the line you can look back and think 'I'm so glad I never took it so far'.
You need to talk to somebody, get your feelings out, make them real.
~Beauty without intellence, is a materpiece painted on a napkin.~
Everyone perceives their own self harm to be less severe than it actually is. Another thing to keep in mind is that emotional hurt isn't quantitative. The severity of a wound does not mean you're feeling worse, take none self harming depressed individuals for example, they may feel incredibly bad; and may even commit suicide without self harm.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, everyone is different. Don't be so hard on yourself.
On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
