Almost two years ago I was told by my therapist that if I continued on the road I was on my EDNOS would develop into a full Anorexia diagnosis within a year. It scared me so much I got help and gradually returned to eating "like a normal person". Now that I've moved out of my parents and have no one to watch me, I find myself binging/comfort eating and have gained a rather large amount of weight for my body type. Everyone is encouraging me to get back to a healthy weight, but I find myself hiding behind "I'm scared I'll take it too far" even though I have an amazing support system. Most of it is a huge excuse to keep binging, but also part of me is scared that I'll forever yo-yo between anorexic tendencies and COE tendencies. I'm not sure what I'm getting at, I guess I just needed to vent a bit and maybe feel a little less crazy.
Are you seeing a therapist or anything? It might help if you deal with the reasons why you're binging. Have you noticed any triggers? You could maybe try to cut down the binges gradually. I find that not buying binge foods, not eating in the kitchen and planning my meals for the week before I go shopping so that I can make a list and only buy what's on the list all help me not to binge.
xox
What do you think you get out of binging? Why do you think you may want to continue it?
I know how you feel, because when I began recovering from binging I too was really worried about falling into restriction - I still am, and I do still have to monitor it as I go on. But I think your cautious of it is a good thing because it means you're aware - and, you don't want to get there which is good - so you can work on eating properly = no binging & no restricting.
Easier said than done, right?
Maybe some meal plans would help you, if you don't skip them, to make sure you're getting enough but not too much. I wonder if a dietician could arrange one for you? If your support system is good then maybe it's worth talking to them about some strategies.
Also, as for the binges, maybe it's worth having a look here (Complusive Over Eating / Binge Eating ) at point for for some strategies about trying to stop binges. For me, to help avoid both stopping binges and stopping restriction, I found it really helpful to write down the reasons WHY I didn't want to do either. Restriction ruined my life and uni and friendships etc, and binging ruined my self confidence and skin and social life - and I recognised that all these things were more important than the "high" I got from binging.
Also I made a list similar to this one: How does binging make you feel?, but expanded on my own private one quite a lot, to try and really figure out why I was binging the way I was, and the substitute something else to try and have the same effect.
But certainly, do speak with your support team because they could monitor you too and make sure you don't restrict also? Remember also that restriction breeds binges.
I have a similar story and I won't go into it now but I can relate a lot. And I don't know if I'm the best person to answer because thinking about it now I find it hard, if I'm honest, to imagine reaching a nice weight and not feeling that pull again to go lower and lower.
I'm not sure of your exact history but I think, for me, I have to keep in mind how utterly horrible most of that life/existence was. All the things I missed out on. All the horrible health side effects, but most of all, I was miserable and obsessed.
Like said, you may have to moniter it. I think that's a good word. Just keep a check on it, and if you don't have professional help it would be such a good idea to try and get some. If you do, use it and talk as much as you can. Especially explore the reasons behind you bingeing. You might discover it's nothing/little about food but a sign of something else.
It's about finding a good balance and being happy.
Take care and keep posting, if you like. :)
xx
The Mole was bewitched, entranced, fascinated. By the side of the river he trotted as one trots, when very small, by the side of a man who holds one spell-bound by exciting stories; and when tired at last, he sat on the bank, while the river still chattered on to him, a babbling procession of the best stories in the world, sent from the heart of the earth to be told at last to the insatiable sea.
Wind in the Willows.
I'm not currently seeing a therapist, though I am considering talking to the staff at my college to set up appointments since the T I used to see I can't afford anymore.
The biggest trigger seems to be when I'm alone or feeling really stressed. Focusing on food takes my mind off things and passes the time until I can find something else to do. I never really hung out with friends before, and it's even harder now because we're all balancing college/uni, work, etc. When I start feeling lost or frustrated or lonely, it kinda helps to sit down and make a batch of dessert which isn't wholly bad until I sit down and eat half of what I bake.
It is possible that my college could connect me to a dietitian, but I won't know until I can get in to see their mental health team. I'll definitely look into it though.
*cuddles* i've got no advice unfortunately, but am here if you need me <3 maybe tell dan you're considering it and have him keep you accountable? i dunno, ignore me if you dont think it'd help lol
loveyou
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
yay at not being able to be ignored i think haha,
and hmm... maybe tell him that while you appreciate his concern [and know its hard not to] about telling you no [worded weird BUT] could he try and do so atm, because it would be beneficial?
i dunno... i cant think atm haha
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
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