Adult - Feeling completely ignored by everyone in my life.

HazardxToxMyselfx3 · 20-11-2009, 11:23 PM

So lately, it feels like every person in my life is ignoring me. The major source of this feeling of rejection is my boyfriend. We have been together almost 11 months. In July, we found out I'm pregnant. It was not planned, although we talked about having kids and decided to wait a while. I am now 25 weeks pregnant. Since about...September, I have felt completely abandoned by him. It feels like he would rather be with his friends playing the goddamn xbox than spend time with me. There is ONE day a week when I have him to myself, and even on that day, he usually asks his friends to come over.
The usual ritual is this: Monday, Mike comes over, usually in the early afternoon. They sit and play the friggin xbox ALL DAY. Mike doesn't work Mondays or Tuesdays, so he spends the night Monday and Tuesdays. So, I am stuck dealing with him and my boyfriend yelling for at least 48 hours straight.
Then, Friday nights he asks Bernie to sleep over, and he usually stays THE WHOLE WEEKEND, which brings us back to Monday, and it starts all over. I have told him many times how I feel, and he says he's sorry, kisses me, and that's it. He does nothing to change his behavior. I have talked to him, texted it to him, I even wrote him a 2 page letter listing every little thing that his actions do to me.
It's not that I don't like his friends, I really do. The part that pisses me off to no end is the fact that he ignores me when they're over. The only time he will talk to me is to show me something stupid on whatever game they're playing or to ask me to get him something.
I tend to avoid conflict, but with my hormones raging, I find us fighting every couple days. I'm always the one who ends up apologizing. I shouldn't have to apologize for anything.
Today's complaint is that we had time alone in his house, and I was dropping hints that I wanted to fool around all day. I'd send him a flirty text, and he would say "lol" or "I'm sure you do". Wouldn't you know that one of his friends is over right now. I brought up the fact that I feel like I'm not attractive to him anymore, and he said that's not true. He didn't say what is true, so I'm stuck here getting mixed signals from him.
He promised me about a month and a half ago that at least 2 days a week would be just us. Hasn't hapened yet.

I guess I could just use some advice, and I probably want to hear that I have valid reasons for the way I feel.
xoNicole

PS: Something else that really sent me over the edge was a few weeks ago, when his dad brought up how he has completely blown off college. His exact words were "I need to have fun now, because come March (when the baby is due) I won't be able to have any fun." I'm sorry, who's the one carrying YOUR child for nine months? Who's the one who has to go through hours of labor and delivery? Who's the one with the whacked out hormones, who cries at the smallest thing?
Sorry, I'm done now.
Thanks for reading.

chickenpie · 20-11-2009, 11:32 PM

Hey,

Sorry I have no advice as I don't know what to say. But I think your bf is being an arse and needs to face up to the fact he is about to become a father. But I guess you know that...

I don't want to tell you what to do/not to do, but I wanted to say I have read this, and am thinking of you.

Gemx x

GlitterandSparkles. · 20-11-2009, 11:41 PM

You need to sit him down and tell him face to face in a mature, non-blaming conversation. Tell him exactly how you're feeling and remind him that, you didn't get yourself pregnant! He had a part in this too, and this is his responsibility just as much as it is yours. You and the baby should come before his need to have fun.

HazardxToxMyselfx3 · 20-11-2009, 11:56 PM

Thanks for the replies. I completely agree with sitting down and talking, but whenever I've tried to initiate a mature conversation in the past, he gets mad, calls him self a f*** up, in which I'm stuck feeling guilty for making him feel that way, because he's not. I'm in love with him for a reason, I'm having his child for a reason. I am honestly so lost as to what to do. Thanks so much for caring :)

21-11-2009, 04:12 AM

god I hate video games! LOL anyway I agree, talk to him. if he starts blaming himself, let him blame himself. he might be manipulating you by making you feel sorry for him so he doesn't face it. I've had a guy do that to me, and what I had to do was say, "No, you're not a **** up. BUT you still aren't right here for x reason and we have to deal with it." Stick to your ground, don't let him make you feel sorry for him. Don't let him leave until he makes a compromise. Then when he's on the xbox, tell him "hey, i thought you said we were going out today. can you get done in x amount of time?" Set limits, you should be his first priority.

HazardxToxMyselfx3 · 21-11-2009, 07:44 PM

Well, last night we got into a small fight. I was writing in my journal because I thought it would make me feel better, but I just got more mad. So, he was on the xbox for maybe an hour and asked me to lay down with him. I'm not sure what led up to it, but we turned away from each other, and I started crying. He put his arm around me, said "I love you" and I said I love you back, and at that point he could tell I was crying. I told him what was wrong, and he sighed and said "here we go again." So I got up, went to the door, and I probably would've made it out but I put the wrong shoe on the wrong foot (lol). So we laid back down, and we cuddled and talked, and today he promised it would be just me and him. We'll see how that works out.
xoNicole

Almost Gold · 21-11-2009, 08:00 PM

I want to know why he needs to have his friends spend the night several nights per week? Is he a little boy? As far as I'm aware, normal people don't really have friends spend the night all the time like that. Has he always been this way with video games and having his friends over all the time, or has it increased since you found out you were pregnant? If it's increased, it might be due to this feeling that he won't ever be able to have fun once the baby is born. He doesn't seem very mature at all. He should also be putting more effort into college because he's going to have a family to support soon. You really need to sit him down and have a talk with him. Don't let him make you feel bad about anything. Plan out what you want to discuss and don't let anything stop you from saying it. You don't have to berate him, just let him know how you feel and tell him that some changes need to be made. It's so convenient that he gets to have all this "fun" now, but your life if already being affected by the baby. He doesn't seem to think it should/will affect his life until the baby is born. He has to understand that it isn't all about him now. I don't know how much the two of you talked last night, but if he goes back on his word, you really have a lot of talking to do.

I can sort of empathize with you. Earlier this year I also found out I was pregnant (unexpectedly). I gave birth in October. The whole issue with the baby's father (who was sort of my boyfriend at the time...our relationship was very strained, so I don't even know what we were by then) was very messy and he was really terrible for a while. He somehow made me feel bad every time I wanted to have a serious conversation with him.