5 months

Breeze · 20-10-2009, 11:00 AM

I haven't SI'd on my arms for 5 months. I have had a few times of SIing on my thighs which have been so minor I've not really counted it.
But today I broke my 5 months and I cut on my arm.
It is gonna mean I'll have to wear my jumper for duties so the cuts can't be seen.
I'm rather mad at myself.
I have not been SIing on arms becasue of wearing uniform and it has been a huge help to use that for a reason to fight the urge.
But today I gave in.

I feel rubbish for failing.
I have steri striped them and put a dressing on so it is OK. but in my head I'm not good.

I don't know what to do.
I have no support worker as she left and I not been alocated anyone else and not sure if I will be.
The drop in where I go is all going bad as staff are being rather 'controlling' over the whole place (long story, many people affected not just me) and the member of staff I used to talk to hasn't been there for weeks.

I guess I'll have to just accept I did it and have to go it alone with the feelings.

in another life · 20-10-2009, 12:04 PM

*comforting hug*
First off you should be congratulated for not SH for 5 months! As for today - try not to be too hard on yourself, slip ups happen!
You don't have to go it alone with your feelings either - is there other support you can seek out of someone you can talk to that u feel comfortable? And of course there's always the support offered here!
Stay safe and all the best!

tamobhuuta · 20-10-2009, 06:59 PM

5 months is amazing. but that probably doesn't help much when you've cut. you haven't failed - either you can count it as a slip~up or you say 'ok, we'll start again from here'. neither of those means you've failed. as for going it alone, well there's us, and do you have a duty worker or out-of-hours team you can talk to? it's best to talk if the alternative is bottling things up and feeling bad about it.

Breeze · 20-10-2009, 07:29 PM

There is a duty worker during office hours but no out of hours help here.
I went to the Drop in Centre, couldn't talk to the staff there as it wasn't the 'right' staff.
As for duty worker there is that not knowing who is on duty and it could be a bloke which is hard fo rme to talk to.

I'll be OK. Am better than I was earlier. Have a crackign headache though. :(

Thank you both for your reply. Means a lot :)

88shelz · 21-10-2009, 06:07 AM

dont put yourself down over it.

flawedinsomniac · 21-10-2009, 08:12 AM

I'm sorry to hear that you gave in -- I know that feeling. It's a rough one, but don't be so angry with yourself. What's done is done, so don't dwell on it. This doesn't mean you're a bad person or that you're weak or anything. Be proud of yourself for going five months. That's an achievement in itself. :)

Take care. <3

Breeze · 21-10-2009, 09:53 AM

Your ight. 5 months is great.
I just hope I can wear my jumper when in uniform as my shirt is short sleaves.
It is that bit that hits hardest as I just got OK with wearing short sleaves and not worrying about what others feel or think.

fake-promises · 21-10-2009, 12:32 PM

Congratz on not SH in 5 months, that is a long time and shows that deep down you have a lot of strength :)
My thought and wishes will be with you and i hope everything turns out the best for you, you deserve it :)