Triggering (SI) - Worried.

GlitterandSparkles. · 20-10-2009, 03:58 AM

*sorry this is long*
I'm having a problem.

I was with my boyfriend today, and we kind of got into an argument. Now, arguing has always been a big trigger for me, because it kind of just fuels my self-hatred and "I can't do anything right" mindset. I told him how I was feeling after we made up, and we ended up talking about my cutting.

I haven't cut in quite awhile, pretty much one slip up since I've been with him-5 months. I never told him about this slip up. I still have pretty bad urges.

Today he told me that he's really proud of me for not cutting, he doesn't want me to hurt myself, which I understand. Then he told me that if I start up again, then he feels like he'll have to tell my mom, because it's too dangerous and he doesn't want me to hurt myself and it's for my own good. He also implied that it was suicidal. He told me if it happens, we can talk about it before he goes and does anything, but still, I'm worried. It also makes me wonder if he'd tell my mom about my eating problem as well.

I'm really worried now, what if I slip up? I don't want him to tell my mom, I mean, I've been doing it since I was 13, I'm 18 now and I've managed to stop almost all by myself. But I can't hide it from him either, it's too hard, and he'd be more upset if I did that. I'm not worried because I think I can't control it, I'm worried because slip ups happen. What do I do?!

I.Heart.And · 20-10-2009, 08:30 AM

I think you are worrying more about slipping up because you have talked about it. 5 months is a fantastic achievement and I'm sure you can last another 5 months. Instead of 'slipping up' you should talk to your boyfriend instead who is obviously more than willing to support you.
Even if you don't feel like talking, before you give into the urge, remember the fact that he will tell your mum and I'm sure that will put you off.
As far as your eating is concerned, i think he would tell you if he was planning to tell your mum. It's something you should consider working on though, for your own benefit.
Try not to worry too much. I know it's easier said than done.

x

Louise · 20-10-2009, 12:59 PM

Yeah I agree with the above, 5months is an amazing achievement. you have so well and your boyfriend is right to be proud of you, your boyfriend cares about you.

Maybe you should ask him if that also means your eating disorder to.

Take care
Louise x

GlitterandSparkles. · 20-10-2009, 02:00 PM

Yeah, I'm just so nervous because I still get horrible urges to do it. I am trying to work on my eating, but honestly, I don't think I have an ED. But I'm not sure what he thinks about it. It's just..worrying. Thanks for the advice =]

afraidtogetbackup · 20-10-2009, 11:32 PM

what i think is that you should tell him how slip ups happen and that you are trying hard to over come the urges but this takes time to get over complete and it is not going to just disappear. Could you tell him that you don't want your mom to know because of what ever reason you don't want her to know? i think just being honest with him would be the best way to go but it is really what you are comfortable with. message me whenever okay?

flawedinsomniac · 21-10-2009, 08:19 AM

Firstly...5 months -- WOW! :)

Secondly, I agree with the above poster -- you should be honest with him and tell him exactly why you don't want your mom to know.

Don't stress yourself out too much right now, though. You're worrying about potential slip-ups when you should be proud of yourself.

Good luck and take care. <3