Something that really helped me was to write a letter to my bullies. You don't have to give it to them, but it's good to get everything out in the open that you could never say before...
So here's mine, I'll post it here... if you do one, feel free to post it here if you want to
To all the people who thought they had the right to hate me. To tear me down, to try and destroy me.
Man, you’re really good at that, aren’t you?!
You sure know how to make a person feel so worthless and confused. You are terribly good at making a person feel scared and helpless. You’re certainly a dab hand at making people hate themselves. Wow. You guys really have it down to a “T”, don’t you!
First of all, I would like to congratulate you on how successful you all are. You managed to bully me relentlessly every day without anyone noticing. Takes some skill that does!
And congratulations on how you managed to turn so many people against me. You know, not many groups of 12 girls can say that they got most of a person’s year group on their side.
You all seemed so happy seeing me slowly but painfully change from the confident person I was to a person with low self esteem. I can see why, it made you guys look and feel so much better about yourselves, didn’t it?
But did it really? Can you honestly tell me that ripping me apart everyday made you feel good about yourselves? Can you honestly tell me that making me feel like s*** every single day makes you feel like a good person?
But all you could do is laugh about it. Figures. Did you really not once stop to think what damage you were doing?
Did you not consider the fact that you were dealing with someone’s mind, their emotions, their feelings?
Did the thought ever occur to you that what you said and did to me stuck with me, and is still with me today, and it probably is going to stay with me for the rest of my life?
Did you ever consider how the things you did would effect me later on?
You see, you all went home from school and thought nothing of it. You weren’t there to see how your actions effected me. You weren’t there when I stared hard at myself in the bathroom mirror, everything you said and did playing back in my head like a broken video tape. You weren’t there those nights I cried myself to sleep, wishing I was someone else. You never saw inside my head. You were never there when….. You know, there’s so much more to say here but I think you get the picture.
I have a few more questions for you guys. Why did you feel that you had the right to treat me as you did? What made you think it was ever ok to spit on me and destroy my stuff, what made you think it was ever ok to chase me with lighters? What made you think it was ok to make me feel so scared and ashamed that I spent all of my breaks and lunchtimes hidden in a toilet cubicle? Surely then you realised that something was wrong, so why didn’t you stop?
You could have just ignored me! You didn’t have to apologise, hang out with me, or like me. I didn’t expect that at all. But you saw what you were doing, you saw how it was effecting me. So why did you let it go on? YOU KNEW IT WAS GOING TO FAR!!!!!
I tried to pretend that what you said to me didn’t bother me. But it did. That day I took off school to go and get my allergy tests done at the hospital… yeah, I still remember that day clearly. When I came back the next day you said that you had hoped I had died of an allergy attack. How disappointed you were when I turned up alive that day.
That just says it all though, doesn’t it?
And I think you know as well as I do that if I wanted I could put so much more in this letter. But I’m not going to. Use your imagination. You think to yourself all the things you have done and think of how that effected me. Think of who I was then and who I am now. (…) Well, did you do that? Well congratulations, it was all down to you!
I know all of what I have said so far has been negative. But I also have to thank you. I want to thank you for teaching me that there is only a handful of people in your life that you can actually trust, and although I learned that the hard way, I know that now.
I would also like to thank you for making me a stronger person. What you did to me has given me a tough skin, so something has to be pretty bad to hurt me now.
Finally, I want to thank you for doing what you did in general. You made me realise that I can help others with the same experiences as myself, and you gave me the determination to see something get done about it. With out your cruel words and actions, my site would never have been created.
Now I have more or less said most of what I wanted to say. I guess some things just can’t be said. But I think you get the picture anyway. Now I hope to let you go, and get on with my life with out you in it. I don’t need you! I’m strong enough to realise that now. I don’t care what you think of me anymore.
So goodbye, have a nice life, whatever, just never, ever think you have the right to tear me or anyone else down in that way again.
Last edited by Chaos. : 14-09-2009 at 05:32 PM.
Reason: changing the word this to my :)
Hey you probs wont read this but at least it gets everything out what i want to say to you.
Why was is you got great pleasure out of making my life hell?
Why the hell did you make me want to start cutting/killing myself?
You threw tables and chairs into me. You kicked me legs. You laughed at me. All the stuff you did has really built up inside of me.
The time you tried to smash my windows in. What was the point in that? I knew it was you right from beginning.
You know what you and your petty mates have made me scared stiff to go out. I hate it now. Takes me 30 mins just to get the motivation.
What was the point in all the **** you gave me? pushing tables into my back. Taking stuff. You know what I;m now scared college will be the same bloody thing. That is how you've made me become.
Your one of the main people I tried to end my life because. You know why I was sick of living for all i would get is comment after comment.
I'm not accepting appologies as i will NEVER forgive an I'll NEVER forget.
In primary school I was such a bubbly kid. I loved being in school. Never faked being ILL i loved that place.
Woodlands was hell because of you and a few people. You said i got special treatment. ERR Why you think i got that for? I was scared to go school. I was cutting quite a considderable amount. I hated everything about me.
Guess what Ben You haven't won. I'm still here my heart is still beating. I'm still living. Need help but hey least you have not ****ed my education up. I'm now going to get a brilliant job with the people i love most.
I'm now rebuilding my life my new start Starting from September. You know what I'll be a damn sight better off than you will EVER BE. You might have wanted to **** your own education up. Making people want to kill themselves. But i'm the winner. I will be strong.
Good luck with just being a lay about
Good luck when you land yourself in a police cell.
You know what i'm so glad i've written this letter. Call it my goodbye present.
sorry about the red on there
This is what I wrote last year
Wow, that is such a agood letter too *hugs*
Sorry you had to go through all that.
Well done on being so strong! You are so much stronger, kinder, more sucessfull and more of an admiration than they ever will be, and don't you forget that girl!
To all the people who have belittled me, broken me and brought me down,
I know you probably won’t ever read this, but I’m writing it anyway.
Firstly, WELL DONE for ensuring so many others hated me almost as much as you did. Most of the year group, as well as random people from other years and even schools. Very artfully done.
You didn’t even KNOW me. You had no idea of my goals, my dreams, my aspirations, my hopes, my fears, my LIFE. Instead you decided to target me because I was different to your idea of an acceptable person. I don’t know why you saw “vulnerable” stamped across my (what you would later take the piss out of me for) forehead, especially as I was trying hard to be as breezy as I could, but hell you really went for me didn’t you? I didn’t stand out to start off with. I was just...average. Not intelligent, not completely thick. Not stunningly beautiful, not a beast. ****ed up but not overly so, masking problems with a cheery painted smile. I was just trying to get on with my life when you entered it and tore my world apart.
Was it funny calling me ugly when you knew my self-esteem was at rock bottom?
Was it funny calling me fat when you knew I was battling what was soon to be a full blown eating disorder?
Was it funny pushing me into the wall when I was weak from lack of food?
Was it funny waiting for me after lessons so you could throw me around the corridor?
Was it funny sticking gum in my hair?
Was it funny throwing half masticated food at me on the bus?
Was it funny calling me a “dirty emo” because you discovered cuts on my arms?
Was it funny sending me death threats through social networking sites?
Because when you were laughing, it took all my strength not to physically beat you shitless and stoop down to your level. But would it really be wise to take on a whole gang of people, most bigger than me, including boys – no, almost grown men? Sure, I fought back sometimes. I came back with cutting insults, glares like daggers. But they didn’t touch you, did they?
I’d come home and take my frustration out on my mother, sometimes even physically. I’d break her heart on a daily basis because I just did not know how else to cope. And every day I feel nauseous at the fact that I hurt her so much. Yes, we are all responsible for our own actions so it may not be your fault, but you sure did contribute didn’t you? So thank you for helping to screw up my relationship with the person who loved me the most. I’m still rebuilding it today.
And lastly, a sincere expression of gratitude. THANK YOU for making me a stronger person. Thank you for teaching me that life isn’t all rainbows and sparkles and butterflies and wonderful, lovely people. At times you may have ****ed with my mind and body beyond belief but now I’m getting on with my life, regardless of how difficult it is, and I AM going to make something of myself. You just watch me.
Personally, while I see the value in writing such a letter, I would never give such a letter to someone who hurt me. I wouldn't want to give them that satisfaction, y'know?
I did one, which I read out in therapy. My therapist made me read it twice, the second time putting feeling into it! It really helped. I'd have to go hunt for it though because I did it a while back and it's in one of my multitude of notebooks! It did have a lot of swearing in it, which I'd need to edit for posting, as I really let rip!
I can’t address this letter directly to you, but only to the children you were. I, strangely, believe you may have changed. I don’t want to hate anyone. I don’t and never have wanted to hurt people, but you did and I’m sorry for that.
I was four years old when you decided to hurt me, to make me learn to hurt and hate myself. I was so young to have this pushed on me.
You didn’t see me crying in my safe-place at school, rocking myself until I couldn’t hear your words, feel your fists.
You never had to be there to see me talking to people who didn’t exist because I couldn’t trust reality to be safe for me.
You didn’t watch me turn to self-injury as a way to hurt myself when you were gone, it was all I ever knew.
You never had to hear the words ‘ugly’ ‘useless’ ‘dirty’ repeat in my head, you never watched me fight a mirror as I began to starve myself for you.
You have no idea how much those things hurt me.
It was every day of my life. It was fear. A constant fear. For you it was a game.
I wish you could know what you were doing to me.
So I need to tell you,
You stole ten years of my life from me, you stole my trust in human kind, you took the light from my eyes, you took my confidence, you took my smile and you goddamn nearly took my life.
I don’t want or need to take anything from you. I’ll just fight to regain the things you stole. Those ten years will, regrettably, always be yours.
Eventually, when I am the person I should have been able to be I will forgive you and I will forget you. If I can live, love and be better I don’t need any kind of revenge.
Sophie Wainwright-Dunn
System A
Sophie Mandi Max Gwen Mercy Erin AVA Tracey Bridget My Isaac
Personally, while I see the value in writing such a letter, I would never give such a letter to someone who hurt me. I wouldn't want to give them that satisfaction, y'know?
I hope it has helped =]
xxx
Yeah, I get what you mean. I wouldn't show mine either, for the same reasons as you stated. I guess it was just an outlet for all the stuff I could never tell them?
*Hugs to all of you*
Well done to all of you for writing it down. I might do this one day too, if I can...
It's emotional reading this, I can relate to so much you guys write. I am sorry for all you who had to go through this. But again well done for writing itt down.
My RYL family: PaperClip is my big sis
"Greatness inspires envy, envy engenders spite, spite spawns lies. You must know this, Dumbledore."
- The Dark Lord
everyones letter are so powerful and have made me cry, hugs to everyone.
here is my attempt.
firstly to the ones in primary school, at the time I didnt know what those words meant, but i do now, how does the way someone dress or act make you think they are that, what you said confused me then and i am still confused to this day about who I really am.
to those in year 6 I thought you were my friends, but why did you seem to think you could call me names just becasue i listen to classical music and not the music that you all listened to.
i was terrified about starting secondary school and you made it even worse and you means about 75% of the school, I could here what you said as I walked pass "is that really a girl, no it must be a boy" and I could see you laughing at me, everyday i wuld get he/she, it, or the question are you a boy or a girl in my face and it was hell.
to the 4 of you in year 9 who made DT classes hell, you would corner me and taunt me, then threaten me with the saws etc we used, you would get me in a headlock and laugh at me and taunt me more.
i thought it would get easier once i stopped DT, but all the stuff about me being a boy/girl was still going on and then it got much worse. you are the main people who have f**ked my life up, everyday you would shout abuse at me, gang up on me, you made death threats and this went on for two years. i cant even begin to list the things you did to me, becasue there are just too many and so are so hurtful to put down, but what you did caused me to lose friends, they didnt want to know a depressed freak, you made me feel empty, alone, worthlessand there are things which i do and feel which i wont say because you dont have the right to know, but what i will say is you got what you wanted you have screwed my life up really well, there are so many things which i now cant do becasue of you and i will never forgive you, and unfortunatly i will never beable to forget you, but you will have probably moved on and forgotten me long ago.
and lastly to all those people in public who laugh at me and stare at me, or when in public toilets or changing rooms you look at me either confused, or you laugh and i know you are all thinking the same thing, because when someone says something like you are in the wrong toilets, or you do know this is the womens, you all suddenly look up and really want to know what i will say, well know i am terrified of using oublic toilets or changing rooms and am terrified of meeting new people because they will just think i am male, so thanks to all of you for screwing me up as well, you probably didnt even realise what you were doing, but u have done a load of damage.
i have nothing to say to you all, no come back, because you see i can't be horrible to anyone, even you, because i know what its like.
sorry its so long guys, but its good to let it all out and tell some people, because have only ever told little bits of it and not all of it.
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
Wow, french horn, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Please, remember that you are beautifull, and that you shine brighter than any of the bullies.
Wow, french horn, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Please, remember that you are beautifull, and that you shine brighter than any of the bullies.
*hugs*
thanks.
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
