What is your story

Shellybelly · 18-08-2009, 12:10 AM

i'm not going to say mine right now because it'll be long and i want to here from all of you
i don't care how long it is i will take the time to read each and everyone of them.
But i really want to know what is your Story
everyone has one
what caused you to the point you're at now
how were you able to overcome
and hey maybe the words you put on here can help/inspire someone you never know
and hey even help you getting your story out there

PS. i will put my story later but right now i just want to hear from you

PassedExpectations · 18-08-2009, 12:46 AM

umm... i don't want to be really long here, so its kinda bullets, sorry, they also aren't exactly in chronological order... but you'll get the idea
parents fighting constantly for as long as I can remember
dad demands perfection from me since I was about 5 and is very angry and abusive when I'm not
taken care of my brothers for years
Started hitting myself and biting my lips till they bled when I was 7 at school
Older female cousin molested/raped(?) me
started cutting when I was 11ish
have bad OCD and generalized anxiety... hid it since I was 9 or 10 until this summer (I'm 16 now)
found RYL
parents found out about everything
was in inpatient for a short while
was in partial hospitalization for a long while
am in outpatient now....
but maybe have to go back because they are starting to think that I may be schizophrenic as well, which makes no sense to me... I'm not, Definately Not!

Shellybelly · 18-08-2009, 02:14 AM

well mine
i feel like i had a pretty good childhood, i had never been through any type of abuse as a child and my parents are still married so i never had to go through the pains of divorce. as i got older i seemed to get sadder. when i was in middle school like 7th grade i was called ugly by a boy in front of a bunch of people and my friends and that's when my life started to go down hill. the next year before i went to high school the same thing happened but i was walking home by my self and three guys walked by and one said uhhhh sooo ugly and they laughed and walked aways so i started to believe it maybe i am ugly so i went through half of high school thinking it. i met my first boyfriend 9th grade we were long distance but he were there for me when he could be. i started to cut just last year i can't even remember what it was about all i remember is that i was mad and upset and i wanted the pain to go away. i remember i cut the worst when my mom basically told me i was tearing my family apart . she and my dad had been fighting alot and still do alot now and so apparently every thing is my fault. sometimes i just wish they would get a divorce bcuz i it already feels like they have one when they'll go days without talking. and i have to say that was the lowest point of my life so far i wanted to die and i didn't care. i was so depressed. i went through most of my sophmore year so unhappy with a low self esteem and cutting. i lost so many friends people i'd had known since elementary school acting like they didn't know me and i felt alone and scared and i was like if no body cares why should i. i felt guilty for cutting i felt like and still feel like my reasons for doing it are so wrong (not that there's a good reason to do it)like i've never had any thing like abuse and rape happened to me but i just don't know what to do anymore and i hate my self i just want to die sometimes and well that's it now so for

i'm secret bout my cutting no one knows about it and i want it that way i don't want people treating me like i'm glass and that they can't talk to me

bingie · 18-08-2009, 03:44 AM

I had a normal upbringing - Parents are ok I guess. Mum is stubborne and says the worst thing at the worst time. Dad is looking for a more successful version of himself. Forced me to take classes at school I didnt want to. Nothing was good enough for him and I was always told " i had great potential but...." - In the end i stopped trying for people. Made the expectations lower.
I would get so frustrated but could not release my anger so turned it in on myself. Resorted to the s/h as a focus.No body tried to help me and I didnt turn to anyone for help.
I was bullied through secondary school and became quite rebellious,silly things i laugh about now - smoking in school,swearing at teachers etc...Skipping school because I felt like it.Said i had nothing else to lose if I was caught.
Eventually met jon(husband now) - I was looking for someone to love me.Even if they couldnt help me.Just someone who cared. Luckily I found him.
The s/h still carries on though and I hide it from him so as not to worry him. He has his own problems and I can work this out myself. We've been together 7 years.
My parents have recently got divorced and I found out the other week that my dad tried to kill himself a week before my wedding. My sisters have turned their backs on my dad and are trying to move on without him but I still wish I was daddys little girl. My mum is blaming everyone for him leaving but can not see her own faults.
And I'm living in another country away from them because at an impulse i decided i wanted to start again in a fresh place. Instead I have ran away.

Sorry it was a tad long but its the beginning, middle and where I am now....Probably not as much of a reason to be miserable compared to other people....

Shellybelly · 18-08-2009, 04:50 AM

hey all
i also don't want you to feel that your stories are too long
this is to help and to get i'll stories out there that could possibly help others
so make it as long as it needs to be
i've the two above mine so far and they've broken my heart that this could happen to a person

purplepenguin65 · 18-08-2009, 07:15 AM

well i mean i guess my childhood was ok. all i rember was playing in my room by myself and being the only kid whose parents didnt show up for the field trip. and through my life my grades had to be perfect. and ill admit i failed miserably....for a period i guess you could sya i had somewhat abusive parents their normal "spankings" turned into very rough beatings and thats what hurt me the most. after they stopped "spanking" me they started yelling.all the time for every little thing. nothing i did was ever good enough. nothing i did was perfect. butmy brother could do no wrong :/ . i guess my cutting started in 8th grade. after i was walking down the street and was taken by some dude into his house and raped. it lasted forever. i whent for a walk at 9 he didnt let me go til 12.

i couldnt deal with family stress and then the new terrible secret i had to keep. i started a new school my freashman year. it didnt go well...untill i met chelsea. my best friend. the only problem was we were both depressed people feeding off each other. one day she said i cant do it anymore iam going to kill myself. i did everything i could to stop her. finally i promised her my life. i promised if she left ill leave to and it worked both ways. i never once regretted my promise. one day guidence found out we had a "suicide pact" as they called it they called our parents. she got banned from everything including me. and i got put in the wonderful mental hospital. so i get out and iam so excited to see my best freind annd to hug her and have a great rest of the school year...but she cant talk to me..(she still does of course least for about a week) her dad finds out she was still my friend he did somthing to her bit what ever he did she never talked to me again.....so there i was alone again completly afriad of life scared to get close to anyone again. scared i would fail 9th grade scared i would flunk my EOCs so much stress and pain and i couldnt do it. so i took 22 tylenol. but my friend(not my oh-so caring family. all they did was tell me to lay down and rest.but theyll call everyone they know when my brother eats a little hand sanitizer..) called poison control and they got me help and back up to mental hospital i go.... after i was released iam doing ok still suicidal and still need help... but iam ok. my family pretty much ignores me so yea...

sorry so long :/ reallly sorry :/ :/ :/

http://www.smileycentral.com/sig.jsp...p=ZRxdm429YYUS

loveishere · 18-08-2009, 08:05 AM

Heh, well this is the short version:
My mom suffered from depression when I was little. She was sad and angry a lot. My Dad worked a lot. much of my moms anger was directed at me. I tried so hard to be good and to please her but somehow I was always wrong, I always messed up. She yelled a lot, hit me sometimes. I grew up feeling like There was something wrong with me, like I was a bad person.
When I was 10 my parents started having problems in their marriage. I heard them fight. I thought at the time that it didn't bother me much, it did, I just didn't think about it. My mom became angrier now both me and my dad were targets.
A lot happened when I was 11. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was being bullied at school, I tried to run away and was caught and severely punished, I was molested by an older friend, My best friend attempted suicide, My parents divorced, I began cutting myself. I continued that for a few months then stopped.
When I was nearly 13 I started trying to control my weight. I hated my body and thought I needed to be skinnier. I was obsessed, I went through cycles of eating very little, then bingeing, sometimes purging, keeping track of what I ate, having weird exercise rituals. That lasted probably 6 months, Eventually I decided it wasn't worth it and just stopped and went back to normal eating habits. Shortly after, I picked up cutting again.
This boy I knew from church had taken an interest in me when I was 13. He began harassing me. He abused me sexually on multiple occasions.
When I was 14 my dad discovered that I had been cutting myself. he told my mom. I hated them for ruining everything. I had actually decided to quit before he found out, but then the stress of their reactions led me to pick it up again. They checked my body regularly for new cuts. It was so degrading I hated it. I just learned to hide it better.
Since my parents had divorced when I was 11, they had shared custody, I spent half my time with mom and half with dad. When I was with my dad I was usually left alone. he worked a lot and went out in evenings. I felt more depressed when I was with my dad. I decided that I wanted to spend all my time with my mom. my dad agreed to give it a try. I saw him once in the next few months and that was because I chose to go to his house. I discovered that he had thrown away all of my possessions that I had left there. I began to hate him. a couple months later he began wanting me to come back and live with him. I didn't want to. he became scary. he threatened to call the police on my mom, to come physically make me come with him. I stopped calling him dad. A lot of my ill feelings toward him I now realize came from my mom, who told me all the details of the divorce complete with how he cheated on her, what an ass he was etc etc. One day my mom got served papers saying he was sueing her for keeping me away from him and breaking custody agreements. I felt like ****. It was all my fault. my mom agreed and told me so. I thought my mom was going to go to jail and I'd have to live with him. I would have sooner lived on the streets than with him so that is what I prepared to do. I was so scared that any day my mom would be taken away. I kept a backpack with me at all times packed for an emergency runaway. I was very depressed. My dad started to take my sanity into question and had me psychiatrically evaluated. they did all sorts of tests and concluded that I was very emotionally unstable and immature, mostly due to not having been taken care of or treated properly as a child. They said I would benefit from therapeutic boarding school, and that if I didn't get help now, I would develop all sorts of personality disorders in a few years. my parents agreed to send me away to boarding school. I didn't want to go.
a short while later I decided to stop cutting. It was hard but I did it with only a couple slip ups.
My parents got an academic advisor to go over options for boarding school. he reccomended that I first go to a wilderness program.
some months later I went to said wilderness program. I lived in the woods for 2 months with assorted other troubled kids. We learned survival, emotional, life and social skills and had group and individual therapy. while sleeping under trees, cooking over fires and scratching bug bites.
I went straight from wilderness to boarding school where I lived for about 19 months. It was very strict. We had at least one therapy group every day. had lots of therapy, family therapy, individual therapy, more therapy. It was intense but It helped immensely.
I am now very very pleased with my life, I love myself greatly, I get along well with my mom and dad, I feel good about my life and excited for my future. I haven't harmed myself in 2.5 years and going strong. I still get urges and still feel sad sometimes but I know how to manage, and for the most part I am very happy.

xxanniekayxx · 18-08-2009, 08:45 AM

Ummm Okay.

I had a regular childhood. I was a bit of an introvert, but I had a normal amount of friends and did normal stuff. Then in Fith grade was tough. I didn't have any friends in my class and I was labeled weird. My grades went down, and I didn't like the idea of going to the middle school for 6th grade. I was accepted to a private middle school for 6-8th grade, and the summer between 5th and 6th grade, I started cutting.

I went to the private middle school and made lots of friends. I never felt alone, but in the back of my mind I knew it was going to end eventually. I had made a promise to a friend that we'd be in highschool together, and I am a person of my word. I was increasingly depressed throughout middle school, and continued cutting for almost 4 years.

In 8th grade, I got to know a boy called Fyvie (though his first name was Andrew), who although we'd been friends, we didn't really get close until then. He asked me out and I accepted. He learned of my cutting and wanted me to stop, but I couldn't. He was my first love, and he made me feel like everything was going to be okay when I was with him.

We dated for almost 5 months, and the day before our 5 month mark, on March 28th,2008 at 6:46 pm, he decided it was better for both of us if we weren't together. I was completely heartbroken. He was my reason. And after we'd broken up, I felt like I had no reason to go on. A few weeks after, and having to see him everyday (As if it wasn't painful enough, the school was so small there was only 1 eighth grade class so we had to deal with eachother day after day) I began to realize that he was ultimately what I lost, and that I didn't want to lose everything. His breaking up with me was a turning point. It really made me realize that I did have alot to lose.

It took me until May 8th, 2008, when I cut myself and my mom found out, and I landed in the hospital. I convinced the staff that I wasn't suicidal, mostly for my mother's benefit, and was discharged and told to get a therapist. Since then, I havn't cut.

I stopped going to see my therapist after 9th grade though I was diagnosed with AdHd. I am now going to be a junior in highschool (11th grade, 12th year), and I still deal with depression and often have to fight off urges.

The "Happy Ending" of my little story so far, is that my first love, Fyvie, and I are still very close. Best friends, in fact. We talk every week, and he's always there for me. Although I now have a new boyfriend, I'll probably always love Fyvie. He saved my life, and I could never begin to repay him. But I'm glad he's still a huge part of my life, and I hope he will always be.

StillBroken · 18-08-2009, 12:10 PM

I'll do this short version, bulletpoint

Family at dads side hateing my mom.
They found out that the best way of hurting her was by being mean to me.
Buying presents to other all the nieces and nephews but me.
I am starting to get lower slef-esteem
Parenst split up and I have to move, 7 years old
Being bullied at new school
My mom telling everything I say or to, to the entire family
Starts cutting, 13 years old, I think
Stopping to say when things are wrong at home out of fear that everyone will know
Go to middle school
Gets bullied there too, tries to diet, but fails everytime
Cusins at dads side of the family, suceeding at everything, straight A's, being some of the best in the country at their sports
Everyone expecting the same from me
I get bad grades and suck at sports
Go to high school, suffering from social fobia etc
Being the black sheep of the family, I get rude comments everytime I try to do something they are good at.
Started dieting again.
Are now underweigth, according to my BMI

Gentlementalmen · 18-08-2009, 03:35 PM

well... here goes.

i was homeschooled as a child til the age of 11, essentially crippling my social skills. being homeschooled, i was shielded from the outside world to the extent that i knew nothing of the society i was growing up in. my father has asperger's syndrome (and to this day refuses to accept treatment), so made living in my family a living hell. Eventually his demands on my mother (homeschooling 5 children, cleaning, cooking, and raising 9 children) led to her almost having a nervous breakdown. Finally we were sent to school. Being socially crippled and completely oblivious of the outside world, i was immediately an outcast in all the different schools i was sent to.

At the age of 13 i was sent to the local high school for a year. It was here that i made my first real friends and started to discover the world for myself. Unfortunately, it was also when i discovered the fantastic (or so i thought) remedy for the stress i was put under at home - cutting. Little did i know that this would take over my life for the next 5 years. When my parents discovered my cuts they just made me hide it. I was an embarrassment to them as well as an additional stress.

Fast forward 2 years. I was at a private catholic girls school, still cutting, severely depressed, and hopelessly in love with a girl in my class. Being raised a catholic by very severe parents, i felt disgusting. I didnt know what was wrong with me, perhaps god was punishing me for cutting myself, or maybe it was a test of faith. Knowing little other than religion and self harm, i turned to these both to attempt to 'fix' myself. God turned his back on me and i was in the depths of despair, with nowhere now to turn to besides self harm. My infatuation with Sophie lasted for years, and as the years dragged on my SI got worse.

Eventually, 2 years later, i was at a point where i feared the next time i would be alone. Self harm had me completely in his choke hold, and i was helpless. Stitches and the A&E became familiar as occasionally my sister would find out and take me to get patched up. I was cutting a few times a day, and hated myself for being too weak to kill myself.

I was put into an acute adolescent ward for 2 months in april 2008. I'd just been dumped by a boy who i'd trusted and loved. He was my attempted distraction from Sophie, and i was his distraction from another girl he couldnt have. I didnt care that he settled for me, i was just amazed that someone actually cared about me. That all changed when he left me for her. That night i was going to kill myself, i was adamant this time. That day they took me away to the psych ward where i couldnt do anything.

I met a boy in there who gave me the strength to fight my demon of self harm, while i gave him one reason to live.

17 months later, and we are still together. We have both recovered and healed, with the help and support of each other. I havent self harmed since last november. I'm now good friends with sophie, and have come to terms with my sexuality. I left the church as i dont need people to condemn me for the way i was born. My mother is finally standing up for herself, and separated from my controlling and emotionally abusive father two weeks ago.

Life is finally looking up for me.

Shellybelly · 19-08-2009, 03:03 AM

hey you guys
this have been an amazing thing going on
i hope this has helped some of you who have never had the chance to tell your story

but to those of you who were raped, abused in any way, neglected, drepressed, misunderstood, or just let down by the people who told you that they loved you

I AM SO SORRY
no one deserves that and i'm sorry that happened to you

if any of you want to talk you can PM me
or if you really need a quick response email me at shsgurl92@bellsouth.net
i check that like 5 times a day

5thmovement · 19-08-2009, 05:00 AM

I posted mine before but its my goal this year to tell my story to as many people as I can handle so its really long. So far I havent been able to tell anyone IRL. Weird thing is I wouldnt change my life for a better one. Anyway *copy&paste*

The following content has been hidden - Reason : Long and triggery?

Since I can remember my mother has been physically and verbally/emotionally abusive and a bit neglative. Its not really her fault I was her first and I was a pain. I actually think the abuse started after my brother was born when I was 6. Her and my dad always fight but when the baby came they didnt want to fight infront of him so my mom found a new way to get her anger out. Me. She would call me stupid, ugly, fat, freak, all kinds of stuff. To this day she carries on about how I "tortured" my brother when he was born, when all I ever did was try to paly with him. She would always tell me not to touch him and wouldnt let me near him. When he was 3 he got really sick and had to go to the hospital. He was there for like a month and came close to dying so they have always treated him special which I dont blame but it does get old. After he got sick was when I first got suicidal. At the nice age of 9. I didnt now about suicide cause I was very very sheltered as a child but I knew I wanted to die and there was one thing adults always said killed you. Cigarettes. So I started smoking sometimes like a pack a day (my parents are such chain smokers they never noticed the missing cigs).

Even though me and my moms relationship was **** I always had my dad. I was SUCH a daddys little girl. Everythime they would fight I would beg my dad to take me where ever he went. Everytime I was too slow at picking up my room and my mom would come in and hit me my dad would come right behind her and help me pick up faster. He was my savior and I believed he was gonna take me away someday and we would be happy. Around this time things get really foggy for me. To be honest I only remember what age I was when I started smoking is cause I remember being in 4th grade and my mom finding a lit cig that I tried to hide and her grounding me. (She thought I was just burning it cause I was a huge pyro was I was little.. . shes an idiot like that) Now remember this is fuzzy for me so I'm wingging the ages and stuff, but when I was in about 5th my dad started sexually abusing me. It all started when for whatever reason I wanted to be woken up when my dad woke up. (Around 5am) Now I dont actually remember what happened first but I was up one day and my dad was on the computer in the living room looking at porn. He called me over to sit next to him and started showing me all this stuff saying stuff like "Those girls look like they're your age" and such. Then one morning he came into wake me up and started lifting up my shirt (I used to wear only a shirt and panties to bed) and when I resisted he told me to trust him and relax. So I did. God I hate myself for relaxing but I did. Anyway I dont think I need to elaberate on THAT. I have no idea how long that went on for. I seriously remember hardly anything from that time but I do remember it was nearly every morning.

When I went to 6th grade I got sent to the thug kids school for not doing my homework. When I came back they wanted to send be back to the bad school so my mom took me out of the system and I began home school. Fun. I was in home school for 2 years and during that time I got extreamly depressed. There where days where I didnt move unless it was to go to the bathroom or to move from me bed to the couch. I was trapped in my head. But no one noticed. My moms new thing was family outings. Such as the movies or out to eat. Only I wasnt allowed to be part of the family. They left me home. She always made it a point to make me feel not part of the family. I didnt mind it so much casue I was so far into my head I hadnt noticed. Another one of her new things was to ground me to my room for weeks for everything I did wrong. Which is why I am a book nerd cause during that time books became my best friends. It was somewhere in this time I decided to end it all and down a bottle of pills. Only it wasnt enough to kill me, only make me really sick and f*ck up my insides a bit. No one ever knew.

Then we moved. I got back into the system and started 8th grade in a new school where I met who I thought was my best friend Sabrina. 8th was a GREAT year. Got my first boyfriend. Had my group of friends who I did everything with. Also found a religion that felt like home. Wicca. (The Bible was one of the books I read while stuck in my room. Not for me) Life was sweeeet. Only probem I ever had was hiding my bruises. Then High School happened. Sabrina moved with her foster parents. We called eachother for awhile but then her mother got sick. Her family is really uptight christians so who do they blame. Me. I'm wiccan soo I must have put a spell on her. Turns out my friendship with Sabrina is what caused them to move. All because I'm Wiccan. 9th is also when I discovered the not so wonderful world of cutting. Its ALSO the year I decided to fight back my mom when she came at me with a belt. She would always hit my arms and legs and once my neck. So I kicked her. And it STOPPED her. Suddenly I now had the power to stop my mom! Got grounded for the rest of 9th but hey I had power and it was great. Thankfully my mom isnt that bad and she let me go out with my 4th boyfriend (first to her knowlegde) I think she was just happy to know I was normal. (HA)

10th came and went. Cutting was a permanent part of my life at this point. Other than that 10th was a great year. I had many friends. Then summer hit. Summer is never a good time for me cause I'm home more. But this would be known as the summer I F*CKED up. Majorly. I cut DEEP. I didnt even mean to! I should have realized my anger made me stronger when I ripped open a razor for its blade with my bare hands when normally I need like a took. But I didnt. I remeber cutting and not being able to see cause of my tears but I thought that it was only a scratch cause it didnt hurt at all and going down for another try and cutting and then I saw that I had sliced open my arm. Naturally I panicked. It was like 11pm at this point so my dad and brother were sleeping. But my mom was up. When she saw what I did she freaked and started to hit me screaming about how I was so stupid. My dad woke up and took me to the bathroom and put a wet wash cloth on my arm and went and talked to my mom. He came back and told me my mom was taking me to the hospital. I BEGGED him to take me. SHE was why I had cut in the first place and she already attacked me after finding out. But he wouldnt take me. It was after this when I realized he was never going to save me (I was still a daddys girl after everything he did to me). I realized that he only helped me when it was 'safe' for him to. He never stopped my mom he was only there after she left. So my mom took me to get stiches, degrading me the whole time, saying that I was crazy and that they were going to take me away. Some lady came and talked to me and I convienced her I wasnt suicidal (lie) so she gave me a choice. Therapy or ward. I picked therapy. Went for 6 months. Oct. of that year marked what was suppose to be my last cut. That lasted two years.

But during that two years I once again tried to kill myself. This time with sleeping pills. It was the next summer. The one between 11th and 12th. This time I came pretty damn close. Only I'm an idiot and tried to set my note on my desk and ended up passing out. My dad heard and found me and took me to the hospital. I woke to them pumping my stomache. Not nice. Had a 72 hour lock down watch thing and was dubbed safe and came home. Went onto 12th. Graduated. And then I began to cut again. It was in Oct. after me and my mom fought and she kicked me out of the house for awhile. That was whatever cause I'm used to it from her. But when I came home me and my dad had fought and he said that I should pack back up and get out. Part of me is still daddys little girl so that killed me. Hurt me so bad that I had to hurt someother way. Next time I cut it was after me and my dad said something about abuse. And he turned to me and said. "You know I know I hurt you but I never abused you. I was doing you a favor." Wow. Thanks Dad. See I think the only reason I ever forgave him for what he did was cause he was so hurt by what he did. My dad is super sensitive and I know hes genuinely sorry for what he did. The only problem is he brings it up ALL the time. Always going on about how he f*ucked me up and stuff. I just want to forget but I cant cause he is always saying sorry. AND the way he touches me sometimes feel really sexual. He'll touch my thighs and such. I dunno he just does alot of things that I think are sexual. I dunno what to do with him cause he's a good guy.

And I'm pretty sure my mom knows what he did to me. Like 95% sure. We were talking one time about rape and she said something about how girls who get raped at a young either usually become really sexual when they are older or that dont like being touched. And then she reached toward me and I naturally pulled away (cause I really dont like being touched) and as she reasched over she so goes "Like you".WTF? Later when I was in my room I was thinking about it and it clicked that she might have been hinting that she knows. Cause when I was young I wrote a letter to myself and I said that my dad scares me and when she found it she asked me if Daddy was doing something to me but I told her no. But I really think she knows.

Anyway last March I decided to go find out whats wrong with me and I got diagnosed with BPD with a dash of schizophrenia. Too bad my mom doesnt believe nor care to actually find out what BPD is.

Oh and the occasional night terror

Left. · 19-08-2009, 07:03 PM

I' apologise for the length :(

From my early childhood, my dad treated me like a slave - he would whistle at me to do things and referred to me as 'child'. He was very intimidating but i got used to it.

In Primary 6 at school (around 10 years old), my friend killed himself. I never really recovered from it.

When i was 12, he came home from his job on the oil rigs after not seeing us for 3 months. The next morning he walked out on my mum and us and moved to China. We found out at my Grandpa's funeral that he had a new girlfriend through a picture on his phone.

At 14, i started seeing a guy. I was at his house watching Pirates of the Caribbean and he forced himself on top of me and wouldn't let go...

The following content has been hidden - Reason : ED trig

Began to get the ED under control until I went out with my first sort-of serious boyfriend at 16. I gave my life up for him. My friends, my dancing, school work, family...all for him, i was head-over-heels in love with him.As time went on, he started playing mind-games, would tell me countlessly that i was useless, people only felt sorry for me, no one else would ever love me. He told me that i was fat and would remind me how skinny his ex was. This made me go back to old habits

The following content has been hidden - Reason : ED trig?

By this point, i was harming more often and to a greater extent.

Just before i turned 18, my harming was out of control. i found out that another guy i was going out with slept with someone else. My dad phoned me on holiday to tell me he was engaged - we didn't even know he had another girlfriend! (a different one to he years previous) I had attempted suicide twice and had landed myself in hospital. My weight was low and i was struggling to function each day.

I am now seeing lawyers in regards to my dad not paying maintenance. I am just over 2 months free from harming with the help of an old teacher and counsellor. However, i still struggle daily and my ed still remains to be a particularly large issue and takes over a huge part of my life.

20-08-2009, 12:17 AM

Good idea for a thread

I'm sorry, I cant say mine. It triggers me too much, and I dont want to think about it, its not something i can do

Shellybelly · 20-08-2009, 03:01 AM

hey
i came up with this thread because well i recently went to church camp and had an amazing experience with god and wanted to do soo much you know
but i felt because i had all these scars and the fact they're self inflicted why would god want to use me what the purpose
i then spoke to some one who use to SI
and she said that god can use me for what ever he wants and
that god was using her to speak to people who might be going through what she once went through not just the SI but the depression suicidal thoughts and so on
Also at the camp and at my church we've been talking about stories and how every ones got one
our stories long or short can change a persons life
can show a person who in distress
see that is where i was and this is where i am now
and hey even if your still struggling with SI and other things don't worry about it because i am too
and i believe that god can do anything and bring you through it and even if you don't believe in god i'll still be praying for you
like i said PM me if you need to