questions re counselling

[Raven]

this is going to sound bizarre but is there any more to counselling than just talking it through?

i have a court case coming up in the very near future, regarding my daughter and contact with her father. after 6 years with her dad things ended quite abruptly in a very horrible, violent way. i shut down emotionally and i have remained quite void in that area since. however now with the case drawing closer, and with things like legal fees being lumped onto the already thousands of pounds worth of debt my ex left me in, i am beginning to feel a little bit wobbly and tearful.

i dont know what to do with it. i really need to be strong right now, for my daughter and for court. but i have stood strong and battled on for 15 months - i dont like to talk to my friends or family really about how i feel. thinking this may be a way forward.

but im not sure its going to be constructive if im just sitting there sharing relationship stories?

[effervescence]

I think it really depends on the counsellor. Some are happy to just let you talk, others will get you to talk then ask you questions to challenge the way you are currently thinking about things, and find solutions and make plans to help you get through. I suggest you try it, and if you feel it's not right for you, try someone else before you give up. And try to be open to what they suggest even if you feel it won't help you straight away.

Sounds like a really tough situation for you, I really hope you can manage to sort it out.

[Mandimoo]

You can claim court fees back because of your financial situation and you should be able to get the solicitor to represent you using legal aid, I can't comment on the counselling because i've never had any x

[Raven]

Effervescence, thank you. i think thats my concern..i tried to get help before and when i got there the woman was like sooooo, what you want to do? she literally offered me no guidance and i really needed it.

Mand i do get legal aid, but they have deemed me liable for contributions towards the case

[fishfinger]

hi Raven,
i found counselling the best thing i ever ever did for myself.
i did try 3 before i found the one for me.
there are lots of different theory approaches, but what i discovered was the best person was one i felt strong enough in who they were that i could literally tell them anything (and i told her everything) without her breaking or freaking out on me.
the other thing was her trust in me. whatever i did or said i felt it was the right thing for me at the time, even self harm, it was a coping mechanism and so i clearly needed to cope with something.
she didnt give advice or guidance, she gave me space to breath, she held me (not literally) as i figured out what i needed.
it was patience, care, kindness and love.
it was challenging, it took courage beyond belief some days, but i kept on keeping on, everyday just breathing.
even on the very hardest of days, i just breathed.

the important thing is finding the person you fit with, who gives you what you need.
i hope that makes sense.

Good luck with the court case.

how are your and Freyja celebrating her fourth birthday in 3 wks 5 days?

Fishfinger

[Raven]

hi :)

thanks for responding :) thats fab that you found someone you connected with like that! i have engaged in various types of therapy since i was a teenager and i have never found someone im truly comfortable with. i would like to find them though!

we are doing ok thank you. i am a bit wobbly with all this stuff going on, but on the whole im doing fine. yes its freyjas birthday on 3rd may...can not believe she is going to be 4 years old! but then when i saw her singing into a toy mic and strutting her stuff earlier its clear to anyone that there isnt an ounce of baby left in her lol! xx

[Mandimoo]

Ok remember to try to reclaim court fees I downloaded a form from the website let me have a look for you

[Mandimoo]

http://hmctscourtfinder.justice.gov....eaflets_id=172 there go have a nose. Is there anyway your ex would be liable to pay some or these costs like you could claim them back from him in court?

[Raven]

i could try, but hes not in paid employment, hes in college. he doesnt pay a penny for his kid so i would be amazed if he paid any of my court fees tbh.

[effervescence]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raven

i have engaged in various types of therapy since i was a teenager and i have never found someone im truly comfortable with.

I think that's the key, there are lots of different ways a counsellor might try to engage with you but if you don't click with them, it's not going to work. But I really think it's worth giving it a go, and during the first couple of sessions maybe try to make a plan with them and negotiate whether you want them to just let you talk, or you want them to challenge you and make plans and strategies with you.

[Mandimoo]

I mean have the court order him to pay them since its essentially his fault you are going to court, the losing party is usually ordered to pay costs... get your solicitor to look into it, might as well get your moneys worth!

[Raven]

effervescence i think you are right. so i suppose i better think about where to go from here now lol, i guess my gp again.

mand, i highly doubt he will lose. hes on the birth certificate, so hes got parental rights and responsibilities. i will look into it anyway, but i dont think its gonna work out that way.

[Mandimoo]

Those responsibilities include paying maintenance and if there are safety concerns - not just whether he'd harm freyja but whether he'd be unsafe around her (like getting drunk etc) then there's a good chance he won't get proper access.