Reviews Requested- Contains upsetting material - Tonight

[missundastood74]

Tonight.

Tonight she wants to slit her wrists
hold the blood to god's lips and say taste this.
Tonight she could swear even

the man in the moon is a rapist
and stars are nothing but scars
bullet wounds from humanities drive
by firing at the face of the sky.

Tonight crying would be too easy
it would please her too much
and no she doesn’t want you to touch her
cause your hands are clean and
she’s filthy.

Guilty with the blood of something beautiful
all over her. She’s been weak and leaking
so much poison in all the rivers around her
the fish are dying.

And the trees are vying for some light
but she’s the eternal night.
Writing rhymes about wind chimes
and world peace while even in her sleep.
She’s fighting wars
that grind the enamel off her teeth
and she wakes with her jaw clenched
and her body bent
thinking how many dishes
she’d broken this week.

In an attempt to not break herself
by taking brutal belt to her hide
cause it's hard to wanna survive
when she knows if Gandhi were alive
... he'd shoot her.


All the great therapists of this world
might say maybe her anger is good
maybe her rage is her emerging
from the cage of everything
she’s been so she tries to be zen
singing mantras of om mani padme hum.

But god fears her too much to hear her
and her heart beats another kid in the candy
store and his mother calls the cops
and every time the clock tics
she starts talking more ****.


Her voice sounding the crucifixion
of everything holy and just when
she thinks she can stop it,
the raging of voices resurrects inside her.
Last night she stole pennies
from a wishing well to buy
rope to lynch the last inch
of hope from her soul.

[Louise]

I really like it, it is well written.
Thank you for sharing it with us.

[k-kasowski]

well written

[Dreaming.]

I like some of the pictures you've created here, and particularly the last paragraph. Constructive criticism? Maybe use more punctuation. I know that you've separated the poem over lines, but punctuation may help it flow or read better.

[missundastood74]

Thank you for your thoughts and comments. I appreciate it.

[lonely_hope]

Wow... this was really good *hugs* As others have said, very well written :)

[missundastood74]

Hope this pic shows up (fingers crossed)

crud nope I gyess it didn't oh well.

[Dreaming.]

imgur.com is good for photo hosting, if that's any help?