Yer his dad does most of everything I just feel like a spare wheel but when I'm with him without my partner I just can't cope and get really depressed and cry the whole time. Lucas is 1 on Monday. I don't really have many friends so don't see people that much
maybe if his dad does most of the stuff you just havent had the chance to develop the confidence with the baby? When i first had Oliver, i just used to hand him to my partner when he started crying because i was so hormonal anyway his crying just made me want to kill him or myself.
do the three of you go on days out? i think its important to do 'normal people' stuff. We take the baby to the pubs in town and stuff like that, and he loves just looking at people.
i dont have a lot of friends either, but i started going to baby groups.. even though i was totally bricking it the first few times.. and theyve really helped.
it kind of sounds like youve still got some post natal depressiony stuff. have you spoken to anyone about it?
We do go for meals with Lucas quiet a lot and do normal stuff. I have mentioned it to my therapist but I don't see her for another 2 weeks it's just getting to the point where I feel so stressed when I'm with him I can't cope, it's hard to explain like I'm not going to hurt him and I'm not going to hurt myself I just feel like I am going to explode. But then this sounds horrible and makes me a terrible person but if he was doing something that he could hurt himself with like touching a radiator I find it hard to get the motivation to stop him I'd rather be lazy and just stay sat on the sofa! I'm just a horrible person
If i start feeling stressed with Oliver i chuck him in the pram and just go walking.. he loves looking at stuff outside and it calms him right down rather than being in the house with a stir crazy baby.
Have you spoken to your other half or your parents about how you feel? it seems like it might be a good idea, and then you can all work together to help you?
Polly, have you tried going to parent and toddler groups or anything? There's some lovely groups around and I got a lot of my support from them.
I found it near impossible to stay inside with Ethan, the trick is to get out as much as possible! When I felt like I couldn't cope or was about to explode I'd shove him in his pushchair and get out the flat ASAP! We'd just end up going for a walk into town and having a coffee in cafe nero a lot of the time, the change or scenery really helps you to just breath.
Polly most mums feel like you are at some point or other, its really normal, but you need to get out of the flat with him and meet other mums.... we weren't made to raise children alone!
Thanks I'm just do bad at making friends I'm not good at continuing conversations so they just die out. I've started going to a young mums group for under 25s and I go to a special invite only toddler group with Homestart but I don't talk to any of the other mums there because there are about 10 volunteers to like 5 families so I just talk to the volunteers and I find it really stressful because the volunteers prefer the older children and just ignore Lucas so I just have to follow him around with him crawling about so I couldn't talk to any mums anyways. The people with older children let the volunteers look after there kids while they relax but I just end up standing for 2 hours then I have to go to work and stand for another 4 hours so I haven't been for 2 weeks because I find it so boring and stressful Lucas loves it though.
You might like a group i used to go to in wallington (i know its a bit of a trek!) but its called tgi thursdays.... and basically the mums (and the odd nana) go into the lounge and the kids (and babies) are played with and looked after in the hall.... they do organised stuff, like have people coming in to do talks or they'll talk about weaning or have a pampering session... they do loads of different things but its very chilled out and you just shove the kids in the hall and go grab a tea and lounge on the sofas for an hour and a half... I can give you the details if you pm me. It's a real life saver and its not a massive group (i think up to 20 mums) and they're so friendly, they make a real effort to get to know you. I really couldnt recommend it enough... Plus i have some good friends and my lovely sister who go there too
It's so strange I spent most of the day like normal but concerntrating on how to make Lucas' day special to him but having no real feelings then I have first proper hug with him in months where he is not trying to escape from me just before he went to bed and I've had a massive surge of love, like I didn't want to put him to bed, I wish he would sleep in our bed but he can only sleep in our cot! It's such an intense feeling and it's really really scary if something happened to him I don't think I would cope. I never want to let him go I want to hug him like that for the rest of my life! It's such an intense feeling that its scary I can't deal with intense emotions I spend my entire life trying to avoid emotion so to feel something intense is uncomfortable and not a very nice experience, I know it's a nice emotion but its filled with the fact that I can be hurt so easily if I love someone that much! He could grow up to hate me or he could die and I'm terrified! How do people deal with that type of love?
I think they just do their best to protect their kids and to give them the tools to make it when they have to go into the world without them.
I dont know. I try not to think about it. The other day i started thinking about the fact that Oliver might get picked on at school or something, or that people might make him cry, and it made me cry.
Polly, i live in South East London, if you ever feel like you need to get out or whatever, feel free to give me a shout and i can come meet you for a coffee.
Jasmine is so huge now! Good luck with tomorrow, hopefully everyone will come to their senses and stop screwing you around so much :(
I hope everything starts to pick up soon, sounds like its kind of a rough time all round!
Sunshine its great that you are feeling that connection at least, im not convinced mothers ever do anything other than their best to deal with that, i haven't even had my baby yet and im already SO stressed about SIDS, my poor husband is some kind of angel to be dealing with me lol
Nothing too exciting going on with us, going to work and feeling very picked on, not improved by people at work asking why it seems like X is picking on me (so not just me being hormonal - is actually happening), baby is doing well, hubby can feel kicks etc. We found out we're having a lil boy but my anxiety is getting stupid, i can't stop stressing over every little thing.
We just moved house and any repeated bending over is setting off sharp pains in my stomach which is slowing down unpacking, plus still getting morning sickness (at 24 weeks tomorrow!) and never got that burst of energy i was promised, overall am looking forwards to getting this kid out! Did get some cool pics from the u/s tho, n need to have another at 30 weeks to see if my placenta has moved away from my cervix enough to have a natural birth, or if im gonna need to have a c-section (another huge stress point for me right now)
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