scared to open up

[HildaOgden]

i think it took a while but doc i saw said they'd send an appt through for 3 months time this time with correct doc.
just hope i don't get infection again

saw cpn today she's faxing gp to ask about what can be done about my back. she's worried the chronic pain is causing things to not be good
things not so good right now
mum away and cpn said i'm usually not so good when my main support is away (mum)
also few stressful things happened last week

[Pi.R^2]

I'm sorry to hear that, do you want to talk about any of the stressful things that happened?

[HildaOgden]

anxiety seems to be bad at the moment but have got through last weeks or so blip
one of the stresses I had was receiving a letter from the police saying
Notice to Prosecute
It said I had been speeding and gave me the time, date and location of where the speed camera had caught me, allegedly.

It turned out, after I'd panicked for 24 hours, they had made a mistake and someone had misread the registration number and put my reg down. I've emailed and spoken to the police informing them they've made a mistake which they have accepted and apologised for. But it was all very unsettling and worrying for a short while.

Mum is back from her holiday so that has helped settle me too.

The other stresses have mostly been sorted.
Just grappling with back pain but have been to chiropractor today and hopefully treatment from her will help. As long as I can afford to keep seeing her.

[Pi.R^2]

Oh gosh, that's really worrying about the notice to prosecute, I'm glad you got it sorted!

How has your weekend been?

[HildaOgden]

thanks

My weekend was ok thanks
On Sunday I went to London for the day with my Mum. We got the train (I live in NW England) to Euston. I nearly had a panic attack when we first got there because the train station was so busy. It was awful.
We went to the Monet exhibition at the national gallery. It was good
We went to the Millennium bridge and walked over that to the south bank which was nice
It was very warm and busy. I don't think I'd go to London in a hurry on a weekend when the weather is hot again. It was a bit much for me really.

[Pi.R^2]

Being out in the touristy bits in this weather would have been a bit much for me too and I used to live in the damn place! I'm glad that there were some positives to the trip though :)

How has this week/weekend been?

[HildaOgden]

I lived in London 20 years ago. Don't get down there often these days.

Things not so good. So tired and worn down. Can't keep on like this.

[Pi.R^2]

Oh no, I'm sorry that things are not so good, do you want to talk more about what's going on?

I hope you're managing to rest a lot and hopefully that will help with feeling tired and worn down.

[HildaOgden]

voices louder and more often and insistent
Command saying the threat has increased and surveillance has increased
the contamination is a danger

spent weekend at Mum's as things not good. I slept better there which helped things a bit but back home now
got to be ok. Mum away Weds to Sat and don't want her worrying about me
got to keep a lid on things

[Pi.R^2]

That sounds really stressful. What are your thoughts about the voices; are you able to rationalise that they are linked with your mental illness?

I'm glad you slept better at your mum's. Is there anything that you think could help you manage the time that your mum is away?

[HildaOgden]

i don't feel ill
i feel tired
got a few things planned for while Mum is away
sorry, can't think clearly

[Pi.R^2]

Nothing to be sorry for. Do you want to talk through your plans for when your mum is away?

[HildaOgden]

been quite panicky today but got through it
tomorrow (Fri) I am taking my dog to the vets which is stressing me out
and then am meeting friends tea time for a drink
Saturday I'm meeting friend for gym class in the morning and then in afternoon am going to see my niece and nephew
Mum's flight lands Saturday evening

Had risperidone increased a week ago so hopefully the increased dose should be kicking in now
but I think it's making me even more tired than usual

[Pi.R^2]

Wow, lots of plans there! How did it all go? I hope you're feeling a little better now your mum's back and that the increased dose is helping somewhat.