I wish you didnt hate me & i wish i had the strength&courage to tell you the only way i think i can get better is if i leave.
Im scared of disapointing you even more though..
I spent so long being angry at you that I didn't allow myself to grieve and get over you. Now it hurts, and what you said earlier killed me. 'I had so much on my mind, selling the flat, moving back to my dads, breaking up with you...'. I honestly don't know what to think about this anymore. You caught me off guard, you caught me at a bad time. I nodded and agreed because of the list of other things you came out with but does this mean that you didn't want to? Does it mean that it upset you? Does it mean you regret it? What hurt me even more, is when you referred to her as your 'girlfriend'. 'I broke up with my girlfriend, I didn't have a choice.' So what was I, G? What was I?
Why can't people keep things to themselves anymore?
I feel sorry for you, but I'll refrain from throwing a big fat 'i told you so' in your face.
You, you're the only person I trust, despite my better judgement. I trust you because you have nothing to gain from lying to me, and nothing to lose either. The past is the past, it hurt... but I understand why you did it.
I still trust you implicitly.
So all the times I go out there and find my dog's cage jammed shut I know that it's because of you. You're the one that's been doing it. Mom lied for you, stupid bitch. But now she can't anymore. I know you have to be doing it on purpose. Now why are you? You're a bastard. I really hate you.
Another day - Another play - Mold the clay
Straighten it out -Make it lay - Breathe upon the living creature Lungs burn - Heart pumps - Fingers twitch - Becomes alive -
Val I miss you
I want you to come to IHOP with me
I miss your letters
I miss mail coming for me that's more than textbooks and bank statements
I miss the sound of your voice, your laugh, your gasp, even your crying
I miss the way you say my name
I miss being able to call you when I'm bored or lonely or sad or something big happens
Writing in that journal you sent me isn't the same
Even though I write "Dear Val" on the top, it's not really a letter to you
There's no envelopes or stickers or stamps or funny names to address it to
You won't read it, you can't read it
You're dead
Most days I'm able to ignore it, deal with it
It's still a gaping, raw hole inside me
God why did I leave my phone on silent
I'm so sorry I didn't answer, maybe you'd still be alive if I hadn't slept through it
Farewell the Ashtray Girl
July 12, 1987-April 30, 2010
I hope you are happy with just how much you have ruined my life. With just how much you have made me want to die. I hope you are happy.. i really fucking do!
I don't understand why loving me is so complicated! I don't understand why you don't want to be here for your daughter. Why did my babies have to die and why can't I talk to you?!
<3~Solo is my sissy~ <3
Don't look behind you, you aren't traveling that direction.