Contains sexual abuse - First break up.

Lindsey · 07-09-2015, 07:19 PM

The background you need is that I was raped ten years ago and hadn't been with anyone until a few months ago. It's something I never ever thought I would be ready for but with fairly intensive counselling, I got together with a friend.

We have known each other maybe 4 years although don't see each other that regularly. He always indicated that he liked me. After feeling a bit more ready for something, we went on a date. We didn't have sex on the first night

The following content has been hidden - Reason : TMI

We don't live near each other so we were planning a second date and ended up deciding to go on holiday instead. We flew to another country and spent a week at the beach in the sun. It was perfect, completely romantic and sex wise everything went to plan. I had a freak out before we went and said i didnt want to go. He knows nothing about what happened to me so doesn't really know where that came from. I said it was health related and he went really weird on me and ignored me for a couple of weeks and said he couldn't handle that.

He wanted us to keep seeing each other once we got back and I agreed but then he stopped replying to texts. I was asking about seeing each other again and tonight he sent me a message saying he's really busy and he's started seeing someone. He said she has some health problems so he's really focussed on being there for her and can't really speak to me just now.

I said its funny because he was so rubbish with me when I wasn't well (which ok, i wasnt physically unwell but easier than explaining what had happened to me) and he sent back "goodbye". He's blocked me from all forms of social media which REALLY hurts. I apologised and he told me I am poison and he doesn't want me in his life.

I appreciate that this doesn't make him a fantastic person but it hurts SO badly. He's the only person I've ever been able to be physically intimate with and now he hates me.

iron.maiden · 07-09-2015, 08:57 PM

Sending hugs. You will feel better in time. And you will meet people who you establish intimacy with. And I don't necessarily mean physical. In my eyes, you should be able to trust your significant other with your story. But I know nothing helps the pain of a break up, just time.

In terms of deleting you from social media, it's a good thing in the long run. Facebook stalking and torturing yourself are far too easy when you have the option.

If you can, see how well you have done and how far you came. You have proved you can feel comfortable with a man. You've done it once, you can do it again in the future, if you choose to.

Snow White. · 08-09-2015, 12:39 PM

You are not the poison here. I know break ups are very difficult but honestly you do deserve so much better. It doesn't necessarily help to hear that right now but it's worth keeping in your mind. For the mean time please try and be gentle with yourself and let yourself heal. You can find someone worthy of your love again, and yes it does hurt now, let yourself feel sad but also try to comfort yourself through this xx

Lindsey · 08-09-2015, 07:37 PM

Friends don't know the circumstances (that he's the only guy I've been with) so are a bit dismissive and saying I'm better off without.

He is considerably older than me so the whole blocking on social media is infuriating as I expected a bit more maturity.

I'm just so hurt. I've just been crying non stop. I know it'll take time but it's just really hard right now.

mikey · 08-09-2015, 08:12 PM

I know it's really hard when you split up with somebody but it DOES get easier. Give it time and try to distract yourself.

xx

mikey · 08-09-2015, 09:42 PM

Just wanted to add, the fact that you have had an intimate relationship and it was okay is great and should give you confidence for the future; you won't be worried about that side of things so much anymore as you know that you can do!
Don't give up hope. I truly believe there is somebody out there for everybody and sometimes it takes trying things out, making mistakes and break ups to get us to the right person. But don't lose heart. Give yourself some time to move on as break-ups are hard, but it does get easier with time.

Take care.

OverEmotional · 10-09-2015, 02:24 AM

Sorry hun, thats really rough! :( Unfortunately thats like a lot of men (generalizing I know). Your the best thing in his world when ye are together but as soon as ye split "your poison"
Dont take his comments to heart. If he only knew what you had suffered he wouldnt be so nasty! Keep your head up, you've done nothing wrong and in fact, have been taking all the right steps! :)