Lately I've been struggling between what to do. I know I should deal with the monsters from my past, but it's hard when everyone looks at me and sees me being successful (even though I worked so hard for it) and sees my smile (because I'm not going to be sad around them) and they want me labeled as "fine." I'm strong right now because I've had to be my whole life. Just once I'd like for it to be ok that I'm not ok. But it's not. And finding someone that can help me doesn't seem to be working. So I can either go back to pretending and make everyone's life easier or I can stay here and hope somebody notices soon. They won't. I should just go back to my plastic smiles...
"So take heart, His love leads us through the night." <3
Its tough sometimes when it seems like you have to hold the rest of the world on your shoulders. But know that you aren't alone- theres always support for you here- and that includes me! :)
Stay strong. xx
"If only you could see me yesterday- who I used to be before the change: You'd see a broken heart. You'd see the battle scars. Funny how words can't explain how good it finally feels to break the chains. I'm not what I have done- I'm what I've overcome. I make mistakes and I might fall, but I won't break. I've got someone saving me." ♥
I could relate so much to your post. Wearing a mask is so tiring and exhausting, and frustrating too. For me as well, I don't know how to take the mask off either. It's like people say to me "Be yourself" or "Don't be fake smiling" but I'm not sure how to stop that anymore. I don't know if that is something you would find hard to do?
Please don't go back to wearing plastic smiles but also please reach out for help. People don't always notice when we are struggling, especially if the mask is still there to some extent. So please, reach out and tell somebody you need the support. I find writing helpful when I can't use words.
have you sought any support from professionals? hopefully they would be educated enough to know that fine-on-the-outside isn't the same as fine-on-the-inside...
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Thank you guys. I just feel like I don't have the right to say what I want to say. People keep telling me I should just get over it, but I don't think it works that way. I started seeing someone, but he spends the whole time nervous and not knowing what to say and staring at the clock. And all we talk about is journaling and whether or not I've cut, and if I haven't then that seems to be good enough. I know there's much more, and he would too if he asked. Idk, maybe should just stop trying. It obviously isn't working, even with a professional.
"So take heart, His love leads us through the night." <3
hmmm... it sounds like he isn't the best fit for you... maybe it would help to focus things if you set some goals to work towards.
"just getting over" something is rarely how it works in reality. people say that when they don't know what to say (i think thats why they say it anyways...)
don't stop trying. that is the surest way to feel worse than you do now, and feel it for a longer time.
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Maybe you're right, maybe he's not the right fit. It took so much to finally see anyone though and Idk if I want to go through that again. I just keep thinking things were so much better when I was pretending that everything was OK, but then I always come spiraling down to this. Just seems like it wasn't meant for me. Pretending was so much easier.
"So take heart, His love leads us through the night." <3
hey, i didn't realize you'd updated this... sorry i didn't notice for such a while.
how are you doing? try your best not to skip school. i know its tempting, but it makes it even more difficult to go back when you're behind on work. it can easily spiral into very rarely making it to school
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Hey, thank you for responding. I went almost 2 weeks and then gave in the night before last. My counselor is not helpful and I'm not sure what else to do.
"So take heart, His love leads us through the night." <3
