Thank you all, you are so kind and I appreciate it.
Got a letter through with an appointment to see my psychiatrist next month so I'm glad of that. I just hope I can explain things in a way that he can understand my distress and everything that is going on. I have some things written down.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I think the other world is leaking into this world what with the things that are happening outside. I'm not going anywhere unless I really have to because being outside is distressing. Little things trigger me like a single rain drop or clothes someone is wearing and I don't know why. I hope the other world doesn't take over completely. Maybe I am the one who has to stop it, but how? I hate all this responsibility. I wish the men would be more clear so I could get on with things. I'll need to check every single thing for messages like clocks ticking, music, tv, step patterns, the clouds. I feel too much. All of this is too much. I can't wait to see my psychiatrist although I don't know what if anything he can do to help. Every day is such a struggle, there is no peace ever.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
No, things with the men and the other world have been going on since my birth. Some people say it fits in with EUPD but it's not transient stress related paranoia so it obviously doesn't fit. People just say it's not real but don't say what it is except someone said it's psychosis just not within a psychotic disorder but they're all trying to make excuses for something they don't understand. I think my current psychiatrist thinks I don't 100% believe in the men and the other world but I do. I couldn't be imagining all this. It distresses me so I wouldn't make it up in my imagination. I'm going to ask my psychiatrist again what he thinks it is. I just want a bit of peace.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I know you wouldn't intentionally make up such distressing things in your imagination, but brains can be nasty little things and make up stuff without our consent! At one end of the scale there's nightmares, all the way through to psychosis - a whole host of unwanted things that brains can create off their own back!
It doesn't really make sense to me, sorry. I'm just struggling so much and don't know how much longer I can take this. Every day there is something to deal with.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Tonight i feel like fiction. Me, my whole life, the other world. I am a thought in someones head. I should never have let go of that truth. I’m becoming further away. I can’t fight anything. My brain does not feel good right now. I feel confused and like i’m going to cry. I need to be saved.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I don't know. It's probably just a phrase I use when I need help. Was probably dissociating a bit yesterday. It's just hard to get out of bad places on my own.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I actually seriously want to die tonight (not going to by my own hand). There is too much in life to deal with. I even get anxious because of small things outside like one raindrop touching me or the clothes someone is wearing. My days often start off bad because I get out of bed later than I want to because I'm so tired. It's hard to deal with schedule changes. It's just seriously hard in general. I could fill a whole page with the things that are difficult to cope with. I worry about things far in advance too. I can't seem to get a break. I don't know what will help. I'm putting everything on my appointment with my psychiatrist next week but I don't know if I can express everything out loud or on paper and I don't know what he could do, if anything, to help. Sorry, I don't know what I need from this post but welcome replies.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I don't think my psych knows. So much has gotten worse since I last saw him. I'm really hoping I can communicate in a way that he hears it all and he addresses it all and hopefully has ideas about what might help.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I just want things to settle down a bit. I know what options there might be but I don't know what my psychiatrist would suggest. I really need to express myself properly for him to see I really need something helpful. We're in the middle of some med changes and he'll also want to talk about why I couldn't do psychotherapy so I need to make sure I have time to explain what I've been going through. I don't know if it's because of the Risperidone decrease because things getting harder correlates with that but it was only decreased by 1mg and I need to keep reducing it because of my high prolactin levels. I don't know if he'd put me on a different antipsychotic. Maybe he could increase my Escitalopram. But I don't know if these things would help, I'm not the expert. I'd like some good news saying I'm allowed a CPN and they will be a good one once it's sorted. I feel like nothing will get better.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
I appreciate that the psychiatrist is the one with a medical degree but you're the expert of you and you're entitled to have an opinion about what might help rather than being a passive recipient of his expertise!
I imagine you have a list of things to raise - can you prioritise it so that you at least get the most important things out if you do end up rushed?
