ok..i have been a "christian" my whole life.. (baptist if anybody wants to know)...anyways...i'm so confused right now! i don't know what i believe..i don't know if i even believe there is a god! but i feel like if the god that i've prayed to my whole life is there..he just doesn't care about me anymore because i have genuinely gotten on my knees and begged for forgiveness for everything and i still feel nothing...absolutely nothing
i've gotten to the point where i don't even feel guilty anymore...i don't have any desire to stop...and i've been looking at other beliefs...most recently satanism. (i know..it kinda scares me too...but in a way theistic satanism makes sense to me)
does anybody have any advice? or has anybody gone through this other than me? how did you get back to god? or does he just not care about some ppl?
Im going through the same as you...Well, I do still feel guilt to a certain degree and i havent been looking at satanism...But apart from that, im experiencing the same stuff ....
You shouldn't try and make yourself be a Christian for your family. It's something you must do for yourself.
Personally I've gone through incredibly long periods of time with absolutely no emotion about any of it whatsoever... it was hard not to lose faith, and at some points i did... but I trust what God has told me in his word, that he will never leave me nor forsake me. And my faith is the only place where I've ever seen truth, in its pure unbiased form. So that's really important to me...
so anyways, emotions are fleeting and often influenced by hormones, so they can't always be trusted.
God is so big, no matter how much we learn, or get into it, we will never be satisfied... In a way that comforts me, because if God was simple enough for me to fully understand everything about, why would I worship him?
I do not mean this as an insult, but I do not understand the appeal of satanism... Satan's only purpose is to kill and destroy the children of God, and he doesn't even care if he is recognized for it...
On a personal note, i'm ecstatic! One of my really close guy friends who I know "likes" me wrote a poem for me! It's really sweet... :)
Ye, but my problem is not believing in God, its how can I know that christianity is the right way to God? And dont tell me "the bible", because what about the torah, the quran and so on, how can I know the bible is the right one?How can you know the bible is Gods word? Its impossible to find an answer kinda... i guess its just a feeling, but why cant i get that feeling? Im tired of feeling like theres something wrong with me. And I dont get how people can be so ecstatic about God when they're in meetings, and talking about how becoming a christian changed their life. I mean, nice for them, but I dont feel anything of what they're talking about.
And about the poem, thats so cute^^,
Last edited by Ghostface : 22-02-2008 at 03:20 PM.
Reason: spelling mistake
well..i'm not a satanist...i've just been wondering about it...just wondering if maybe i had things backwards...like god is the bad guy and satan is the good guy...when i wrote the last post i was really angry and confused...i know i don't really believe that but i'm just so confused right now i'm searching for something to believe in...i just don't know what to turn to because god isn't there for me (or at least it feels that way and i don't know why? )
and i'm happy for you about the poem...that's so sweet!! :)
As for concrete proof, I don't know about a lot of it...
I know that the chances of Jesus fulfilling all of the old testament prophecies that he did was like 1 in 10 Trillion...
I recommend Josh McDowell's book "More than a Carpenter" One of the chapters is called Liar, Lunatic, or Lord. He says that either Jesus was lying [he knew he wasn't the son of god, but he said he was] or he was a lunatic [he really wasn't the son of god, but he thought he was] or, he was the Lord. I've read it a few years ago when I was going through some doubts, and I found it to be incredibly helpful...
dazedandconfused- I once had it explained to me that when our relationship with christ is good, it's like two hands, palm to palm. when it's not good, it's like one of the hands is turned the other way. It's not God who has turned away though, it's us. Most of the time we don't even realize we're turning away... It could be something as simple as pride that we're not aware of, or something like a sin we aren't ready to give up...
So God is there for you, even if you can't feel it.
Have you ever heard the Barlow Girl song "Never Alone"? part of the lyrics say "We can not seperate, 'cause you're part of me. and though i haven't seen you, are you still there? I've cried out with no reply, and I can't feel you by my side, but I'll hold tight to what I know. You're here,and I'm never alone."
When God allows us to suffer, sometimes we figure out the lesson quickly, but in some cases we might never know this side of Heaven... But everything is a part of His plan. He never promised us that bad things wouldn't happen, but that he'd hold us through it all.
Hey everybody. I'm a Catholic, and this thread really caught my eye. I want a born and raised Catholic, but had never felt anything for my faith. At a younf age, maybe 8 or 9, I became a closet Athiest, though I continued learning about all different religions. About a year ago, someone walked into my life. His name was Brian, and I didn't know it then but he would be the reason I found God. I was so inspired by the purity and quiteness of his faith, which was so unlike my now ex-boyfriend's, who was always arguing my athieism with me. I saw how much his lord meant to him, and I remember telling him that I was athiest and him not caring or judging me for it. I also remember a conversation on the beach one day, on who or what God was, and him saying that God is like a spirit that is within everyone, not so much a physical being. To this day, it is how I manage to understand the Holy Trinity. But he brought me to God, and it has become a big part of who I am. It has made me stronger and more loving. I could not thank Brian more for lighting that candle for me, and in such a dark time.
Every day of our lives, want to find you there, want to hold on tight. <3
Those who like, find excuses. Those who love, find a way.
~
Live up to your own potential instead of imitating someone elses.
As for concrete proof, I don't know about a lot of it...
I know that the chances of Jesus fulfilling all of the old testament prophecies that he did was like 1 in 10 Trillion...
I recommend Josh McDowell's book "More than a Carpenter" One of the chapters is called Liar, Lunatic, or Lord. He says that either Jesus was lying [he knew he wasn't the son of god, but he said he was] or he was a lunatic [he really wasn't the son of god, but he thought he was] or, he was the Lord. I've read it a few years ago when I was going through some doubts, and I found it to be incredibly helpful...
dazedandconfused- I once had it explained to me that when our relationship with christ is good, it's like two hands, palm to palm. when it's not good, it's like one of the hands is turned the other way. It's not God who has turned away though, it's us. Most of the time we don't even realize we're turning away... It could be something as simple as pride that we're not aware of, or something like a sin we aren't ready to give up...
So God is there for you, even if you can't feel it.
Have you ever heard the Barlow Girl song "Never Alone"? part of the lyrics say "We can not seperate, 'cause you're part of me. and though i haven't seen you, are you still there? I've cried out with no reply, and I can't feel you by my side, but I'll hold tight to what I know. You're here,and I'm never alone."
When God allows us to suffer, sometimes we figure out the lesson quickly, but in some cases we might never know this side of Heaven... But everything is a part of His plan. He never promised us that bad things wouldn't happen, but that he'd hold us through it all.
Satanism isn't the religion of worshipping Satan. There is an offshoot of "satanism" called Luciferianism, that is the worship of the Christian adversary. But Satanism is best defined as the opposition to traditional theology, or organized atheism and objectivism, if you're talking about LaVeyan Satanism. One definition being "small religious group that is unrelated to any other faith, and whose members feel free to satisfy their urges responsibly, exhibit kindness to their friends, and attack their enemies".
Theistic Satanism is a grouping of pagan worshippers, mainly those worship the god Pan, from whom we get our stereotyped horned and pitchforked devil, through the perversions of the Middle Ages Catholic church, when they were trying to demonize Roman and Greek gods. They believe that Satan is another name for "Pan", that Satan is one of many gods, that the Christian god does exist, but that Satan is a good force, and blessed humanity with the gift of knowledge and that through this gave balance of good and evil to the universe. "Devil worshippers" or Luciferians are adverse to this and believe themselves to be the enemies of good and wish for human destruction.
There are other branches of Satanism and many of the teachings are broad and open to interpretation.
Sorry, I just read the post by Salanna, and I'm a bit of a theological nerd. I've had a couple of friends who are Satanists, all LaVeyan, and I enjoy learning about other religions, because I believe the only way to argue my perspective is to fully understand another person's.
I do not want to know myself. I do not want to be myself. I know better, so I will strive to be better.
On another note (I've had too many run-ins with Satan to really believe him to be good, so I don't agree with him), but dazedandconfused, your post reminded me of a good book. I'm a literature geek too.
This is a very famous book, so you may have heard of it.
But there once was a man by the name of John Milton. John Milton was a writer, and an exquisite poet. He was going through many theological doubts, mainly about his devotion to God because he had recently lost his eyesight.
He forced his daughters (by locking them in the house with him) to help him dictate a poem that is the body of the book "Paradise Lost". In the beginning of the book he writes a prayer poem to God, asking Him to help the subject matter stay completely truthful, so whether the account is accurate or not is open to interpretation.
But the poem is an account of Satan's feelings and perspective on what happened after the fall. It's been suggested that the personality of Satan was modelled after Shakespeare's Machiavellian villain, Iago, from Othello.
Anyways, the book starts from the battle and ends after the exile of Adam and Eve. Even if Satan is the greatest liar ever, the parallels between his thought and human doubt is astounding. Although, that's if you are assuming God did help Milton write the book from Satan's perspective, and the voice and narrative wasn't entirely from Milton's imaginative.
There is a sequel, also by Milton, called Paradise Regained, which I haven't had the time to read yet.
I do not want to know myself. I do not want to be myself. I know better, so I will strive to be better.
haven't been on this board for a while....
but does anyone else get EXTRA guilty after cutting on a sunday!?
or is it just me?
I guess it shows the power of religion....
As a little kid you believed in fairytales,
that fantasy of what your life would be: white dress; prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill.
You closed your eyes and had complete and utter faith.
Eventually you grow up. One day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears.
But the thing is, it's hard to let go of that fairytale entirely because almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith,
that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.
I've never felt particularly guilty about cutting on Sunday...
But if I come into church, any time, and something reminds me of my cuts like kneeling and feeling them under the fabric of my jeans, it almost makes me breakdown.
I do not want to know myself. I do not want to be myself. I know better, so I will strive to be better.
thank you guys so much for all your feedback... i just got back from a girls weekend with my church and im really starting to realize some stuff...i wasn't this miserable until i turned my back on God...(yes i did just say that..instead of him turning his back on me)
Shakespearsstrumpet...you sound like me! i'm a bit of a theological nerd too...i've read several books about demons and such...the book you mentioned sounds interesting and actualy i started thinkign about the books that i'veread and its just made me realize that i have been completely falling for satans lies. and its gotten me into a TON of trouble (as you've probably figured out...lol)
Salanna...thank you for your post...what you said actually had an impact on me and yeah i've heard that song...i actually have it but i haven't listened to it for about 2 years. but i listened to it again and it reminded me of what i really believe...i actually think that God is really chasing me down right now...he won't leave me alone..i can feel him for the first time in a long time..but not in a good way...i know he want's me to come back to him i guess but i'm just not sure i'm willing to give up everything..i'm not ready to give up my sin like you said...i actually have that josh mcdowell book..i never read it but i have it somewhere..maybe i should read it
this post sounds dramatically different from my other ones doesn't it? i feel like a lot has changed for me in just a matter of days...but thanks guys
haven't been on this board for a while....
but does anyone else get EXTRA guilty after cutting on a sunday!?
or is it just me?
I guess it shows the power of religion....
No, not really. I feel bad if I cut on a christian holiday more than I normally would though.
Everything is starting to return to as "normal" as it's gonna get around here I guess. The empty space in my heart is still there, it might always be... But yea, When I find myself thinking about my mother being dead, I'm having a bit of a hard time putting it into a religious prespective. I just feel like I'm being overly self centered. Well, school starts again tommorow. Time to slap on that stupid fake smile for all those people. Guess I just find it hard to be true to my feelings at school, I mean I'm there to learn, not to mope...
I noticed you're in Norway, and I have absolutely no idea how that will accept shipping... If it's a lot, i would recommend just googling it...
Sorry if that wasn't much help...
Quote:
Originally Posted by dazedandconfused
thank you guys so much for all your feedback... i just got back from a girls weekend with my church and im really starting to realize some stuff...i wasn't this miserable until i turned my back on God...(yes i did just say that..instead of him turning his back on me)
Shakespearsstrumpet...you sound like me! i'm a bit of a theological nerd too...i've read several books about demons and such...the book you mentioned sounds interesting and actualy i started thinkign about the books that i'veread and its just made me realize that i have been completely falling for satans lies. and its gotten me into a TON of trouble (as you've probably figured out...lol)
Salanna...thank you for your post...what you said actually had an impact on me and yeah i've heard that song...i actually have it but i haven't listened to it for about 2 years. but i listened to it again and it reminded me of what i really believe...i actually think that God is really chasing me down right now...he won't leave me alone..i can feel him for the first time in a long time..but not in a good way...i know he want's me to come back to him i guess but i'm just not sure i'm willing to give up everything..i'm not ready to give up my sin like you said...i actually have that josh mcdowell book..i never read it but i have it somewhere..maybe i should read it
this post sounds dramatically different from my other ones doesn't it? i feel like a lot has changed for me in just a matter of days...but thanks guys
Alleluia, I'm so happy for you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSuffererComplex
No, not really. I feel bad if I cut on a christian holiday more than I normally would though.
Everything is starting to return to as "normal" as it's gonna get around here I guess. The empty space in my heart is still there, it might always be... But yea, When I find myself thinking about my mother being dead, I'm having a bit of a hard time putting it into a religious prespective. I just feel like I'm being overly self centered. Well, school starts again tommorow. Time to slap on that stupid fake smile for all those people. Guess I just find it hard to be true to my feelings at school, I mean I'm there to learn, not to mope...
It's your choice whether or not to "slap on a fake smile". I know for me it's easier than expressing emotions, but it's not good to bottle them like that. Too many bottled emotions can quickly lead to cutting.
haven't been on this board for a while....
but does anyone else get EXTRA guilty after cutting on a sunday!?
or is it just me?
I guess it shows the power of religion....
Yes. I only cut on a Sunday a couple of times, and I always felt incredibly horrible... Probably one of the worst things i've ever felt..... It was especially bad one Sunday when I cut in the bathroom stall at church... It was probably at least a year ago, but it still upsets me to think about it...
I saw this thread once..a while ago
It caught my eye tonight and I'm actually reallye excited this thread exists
Raised Christian
Or Greek Orthodox/Christian?
I don't know i call myself christian i got to a christian school
I feel as if this past year I've been pulled away from God
but he always pulls me back
He wants me but sometimes i just forget especially when I cut
And i have no idea where to look for things about suicide in the Bible
Its a sin its horrible?
Is there a Bible passage that says these things?
I have never found a passage that directly says suicide is bad.
But I can list two people in the Bible that were people of God and wanted to commit suicide.
Job (he's my favorite).
And Elijah.
I'm weird in the way that even if I do one day manage never to cut again (hopefully) I will always consider myself a cutter. It's a part of me. I'll always fight the urges, and in a way, I don't really want the urges to go away. Not completely. I need them to remember where I've been, what I've done, what God has pulled me back from, and who I need to help. It's not who I am, but it is part of me.
I do not want to know myself. I do not want to be myself. I know better, so I will strive to be better.
I'm weird in the way that even if I do one day manage never to cut again (hopefully) I will always consider myself a cutter. It's a part of me. I'll always fight the urges, and in a way, I don't really want the urges to go away. Not completely. I need them to remember where I've been, what I've done, what God has pulled me back from, and who I need to help. It's not who I am, but it is part of me.
+1
On a completely different note. I'm thinking of telling some of my Christian family about SI and SIAD (being as though it is the day before.) and I was wondering if any of you guys had told your Christian family? How did they take it? What shall I expect?
My family,principle,counsellor,teacher,former vice principal
All Christian know about my self injury
My families first reaction was being ashamed and then my sister well she was extremely angry..
My mother was shocked.. didnt beleive it for a year pushed it away
this year she is my number one supporter and has never failed to help me through things when i tell her. Principle and teacher are supportive and understanding despite their concern and shock
I'm sure your family will support you through this and its a great thing for you to tell them it might take time to sink in they might even take it well right away and just be filled with concern
If you think your ready i think it would be great if you told them
pm me anytime
-stef
)
