I feel really down today, like the mist crawling in and I cant see a way out of it. Motivation to do anything is low after yesterday's experience after not taking my meds, my own fault of course, I thought that I wanted to try out what it was like without them. it didnt work, just made me worse. Colours too bright, walls shaking. I dont want to have to take meds for the rest of my life, I dont want to be dependant on them :(
I'm seeing my grandma this weekend so I need to be on top form, but I dont think that is going to happen, they already think I am strange anyways, but that makes me sad.
I wont be going to uni now because of the illness, may go and live in this theraputic community that is set up. I was supposed to go and visit it but then I got too ill to go and be sensible, so it's made for next thursday, am scared about that. Feel like I have failed because I'm not able to go back to uni, cant do anything right :( It was my goal to go back and now I can't.
I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so low at the moment. The thing with medication is that you shouldn't really come off it until a professional tells you that you can. Even if you were ready to come off of it they may have wanted to lower the dose first and ease you off of it. I can understand it must be difficult though to feel that medication is controlling you or that you might be on it for the rest of your life. Have you tried talking to the person who prescribed it? They might be able to reassure you or at the least give you a realistic answer to what' going on in the medical side of things.
Could you postpone seeing your grandma if you don't feel up to it? If you could rearrange it and say something come up I'm sure she'd understand. You're not strange even if they think you are. There are so many people in this world and every single individual is different and they all have different problems, opinions, lifestyles so I don't even think there is such a thing as normal.
If you can't face uni right now it doesn't make you a failure sweetheart, it just means that you're not in the right place in your life. When you feel a bit happier and more in control you can go back to uni and prove yourself wrong. You're strong and can get through anything.
Emma :)
It’s not always that easy to distinguish the good guys from the bad guys,
Sinners can surprise you and the same is true for saints.
Why do we try to define people with simply good or simply evil?
Because no one wants to admit that compassion and cruelty can live side by side in one heart and that anyone is capable of anything.
oh hammy...
there can still be time for uni once you get stabilized. i know the therapeutic living sounds scary but at least youre going to give it a visit. that says alot on your part sweetie. youre very brave hammy.
i love you so much!!!!
xx
Location: Denial Tent, Virtual Psych Ward Campsite, MA, USA
I am currently:
you havent failed at all
taking care of yourself is THE most important thing and that is where your time is best spent
hang in there and be strong
you CAN get through this
uni isnt going anywhere, it will still be there when you are ready - right now you need to be selfish and do what is right for you
be safe and take care
xxxooo
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
Uni isnt everything hun.
You can be happy without uni.
I the end, does i matter if you become dependant on meds? Because there are always methods of comming off them, but you have to make sure that you are safe first!! Get your self settled before stopping them. Then speak to someone about it. Dont do it alone, ask for help!!!
As for the community, its worth a shot. You can feel looked after and meet tons of new people.
*hugs*
Never close the door on oppertunities till you have tried them first!!!
Good luck on Thursday hun.
you're not a failure. you need to take it one step at a time.
about your meds... just because you can't seem to do without them now, doesn't mean you can't come off them safely in the future. you just need to get yourself better first.
and stuff all the satelite people around you. concentrate on you and how you feel.
university will come in its own good time. in the mean time i wish you all the best. take care x
Any event, once it has occurred, can be made to appear inevitable by a competent historian.
Hey hammy hun tex me.. Hugs sorry I havent been all together there in the last few months. im sill thinking of you and wishing u well im here for u xxx
