So frustrated- Triggering

[jonilee73]

I have not been this close in ages to just losing control. I am sitting here so pissed off and I just- I don't even know. My boyfriend and I love each other but the thing is, he doesn't take me seriously. He thinks instead of wanting to cut I should just get high with him and things will be better but the thing is, I despise drugs and I refuse to do them. Lowering myself to that would make me want to cut more not less.
My ex, my daughters dad paid my cell phone bill and his without me knowing. I didn't want him paying my bill and then he turns around and tells me that I owe him 75 for both phones. I got paid 340 today and I after paying 50 towards rent to my boyfriend, giving 20 to my bf's little brother for his bday, 40 on stuff from Rite Aid, 15 for dinner tonight and 40 at Giant EagleI had about 190. And then her dad was like, I need all of my money. So I tried to get him to allow me to give him just my cell phone bill which was just 35. But no. He insisted on the full amount. And seeing as he has my daughter more than me and basically he calls the shots for when I see her I have to keep him happy. So I gave him 70. Now I have 90 left and after buying condoms and stuff for my period I will have like 40 left to buy clothes for myself. Which means I will basically get nothing.

The things that angers me more than anything is that my boyfriend is basically mocking me for being angry right now. He doesn't get it. For him its get high and be happy and he doesnt see why its not like that for me. For me its cut and be relaxed. And he just doesn't get it. And its frustrating. And it hurts.

[marilynnrose]

i dont post much because i have a hard time reaching out but this time i can't help but hear you. i'm sorry, god you must be just exhausted, problems with money is bad enough, but throw in a separation, a child, an inconsiderate bf and an addiction and you've got a hell of a hard time. I can almost feel you through this thread and i just want to know that of course theres not much i can say to make you feel better but all the same i'm thinking of you and sending good thoughts. think of next week, next month etc. something will change, something will improve.

[PassedExpectations]

that all sounds really difficult.....

small ways to save money might be doing stuff for people on birthdays that isn't just giving money. you could go over and help with a chore, or make something yourself. how would you feel about shopping at a discount store for basic stuff? or a wholesale store, where you could get extras of stuff cheap and then not need to buy it for a while?

i think youre DEFINATELY right to stay away from drugs. it won't help you, and it will probably make it harder for you to see your daughter. i wouldn't lend your bf money for them either if he asks.