I'm having alot of trouble sleeping. when I do sleep, its only for a couple hours at a time. im tired all the time. when I do sleep, I have nightmares.
I've gone back to where I dont really want anyone touching me...especially in a loving way. this is hard for Kelly. I startle at noises. It feels like PTSD but I thought that was long over.
PTSD was my biggest battle...not sure if I can do it again...and why should I have too???
I go through phases where touches to my neck a d thighs if unexpected startle me and set off dissociation, which is hard if one of the kids creep up on me and grab my legs for example. It's getting easier to ward off an attack, staying calm and in reality helps.
Sometimes we all need time out from physical touches, just not in the mood, too hot for cuddles etc, the less pressure on you the quicker this will turn around. Love you x
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
I can totally sympathise with your sleeping probs I haven't slept more than a total of 3 hours a night since my accident over 3 years ago thanks to the joys of PTSD. I received EMDR which did help at first but my head kind of evolved things so it's no longer effective. I still struggle to travel in a car with anything coming from the left wether it's a slip road, turn off or roundabout often giving me flashbacks.
It is very frustrating and my psychologist says you can never fully shake something like PTSD but that it can be controlled so hat you can live a normal'ish life. I really struggle with it at times and it an be hard trying to explain to your partner why your waking up screaming or upset.
My psychologist suggested following a clean bed routine but I found this ment I often slept even less as I often rely on 'dozing'. I found a few things which have helped a little which might be worth a try:
Try listening to audio books or read but audiobooks are good for listening to in the dark if your partner is trying to sleep, it's also nice for me to have something recognisable to help pull me out of a nightmare
I find playing piano helps, maybe playing a instrument might help but again I'm fortunate I have an electric piano so I an put headphones in
Try doing exercise not long before bed, sometimes if I can tire myself out I have a better chance of getting some rest
Those a few anyway, if you want to talk feel free to message me or something :) stay strong I know it's hard and the lack of sleep seems to make everything twice as hard
*sits with*
i hear you.
hope you feel better soon.
thinknig of you.
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
so...I've been manic for days..sleeping comes hard and only 2-3 hours in a 24 hour period just keeps repeating itself.
Kelly and Noa have gone to dinner. I know they needed some mother-daughter time. Makes me really miss Keith. He isnt coming for christmas this year. I will see him for a few minutes next month or october when he comes for me to sign for his driving permit.
I'm sad and would like some decent sleep. I came close to burning earlier today...yes, I still tend to want to revert back to what I know will relieve pain for me..but I didnt.
Kaleb is gone next door for the long Labor day weekend. I already miss him. The weather is rough..tornado watch until 10pm.
I dont know what I need or am asking for...nothing special, I suppose.
After I slept, I felt much better but I'm experiencing the depression that follows mania....I will just ride it out. Kelly is being amazingly supportive and so is my Mom.
hard to explain...but Kelly's best friend's ex said something to me after I pointed out to her that when she and 2 sons stayed with us for 2 weeks that I had to change the young one's diaper every morning because she would let that baby walk around until the diaper was sagging to his knees because it was so full. when I would ask her for a diaper, she never offered to change him, only gave me a diaper. she never fed these children. Kelly and I had to because she wouldnt.
Kelly's bf became involved with her and took in ALL 4 of her children(otherwise they would have been homeless, that's why Kelly and I couldnt make her leave because we worry for the kids)..gave them everything they needed or wanted. they have since had a nasty break-up.
We know Kelly's friend is being honest with us...there is proof....and things got weird between the ex. messages were sent back and forth. and thats when I told her how Kelly and I had to take care of her boys while she was here because all she did was stay on her cell texting all day and night..ridiculous.
reason for being homicidal: she said to me "Where is YOUR son, Rachel, sure as hell ain't with you".
I have since deleted her from my fb. but I am LOSING MY MIND with anger and hurt. I can't hurt her even though I want to...so I'm terrified I'm going to hurt myself...burning sounds about right...but with Keith coming so soon, I have to refrain.
I want to break this bitch but I'm afraid if I tried, I wouldn't stop until I killed her...that's just me being honest.
Feeling suicidal also because of it...insomnia has been horrible...and my state of mind is at best, scary.
You should have said "at least I knew what was best for my child, not just keep them around becasue it's too much effort to do something that might actually be good for them" stupid bitchface!!!! Grrrr
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
I spoke to my Mom about it and she said the same thing and also said.."Rachel, you know he was well taken of when he was with you, so don't forget that".
This stupid ****face bitch won't get out of my head. I'm having that same horrid nightmare where Keith is still 5 years old and I'm walking towards his coffin and all I can see is his little arm wearing a blue suit.
I've started taking seroquel for voices but have to be careful because it can cause blood sugar levels to rise. I think that may be what happened the other night but my blood pressure is running ridiculously high and I REALLY don't want to have to start another med for that. seroquel causes most people to raid the kitchen...including me, makes me extremely hungry but I don't grind my teeth, at least. It also is a strong sedative but when not able to sleep, it's miserable.
I know I'm stressed because Keith will be here in a few weeks..I know I always get really nervous. Plus, we won't be spending much time together..I'm hoping to at least go to lunch or dinner with him to have a bit more time. I think I'm especially nervous this time around because I know once he gets his driving permit, he will be driving!! Both Leanne and Robert are excellent drivers. Robert is who taught me to drive. But knowing that Keith is finally going to be driving scares the **** outta me, especially being so far away. I know all parents go through this, the distance seems to make it much harder.
I spoke with him the other day and it touched my heart. He and some friends of his were headed to a b-day party, and I did the regular questions about no drinking, no drugs, etc....and he talked to me about his grades...he's making A's and B's and is taking honors Chemistry this year. Also..my sister had just spoken to him and she told me not to get my feelings hurt if he didn't say "love you" back to me since he was with friends. But he did :)
I don't know if I've told you this but it's pretty funny. My sister has been trying to get pregnant for 2 years with no success (not the funny part). She was talking to Keith and said "maybe your Mom could carry a baby for me and Eric". Keith said "Becca, she's a lesbian...She and Kelly can't impregnate each other" My sister said it was so funny because now he is starting to be able to joke about it. I thought it was great. He can joke all the time as long as he's feeling better about it :)
I reckon that's all I have to say for now besides this bitch needs to leave my mind and I don't know how to get her to...I can envision myself really hurting her. It doesn't seem that important probably, but it is to me.
