I just don't really know what to do anymore. I'm not in any kind of really abnormal situation, when I look at it objectively, but for some reason I can't really wrap my mind around it. I feel like I'm losing control of my life. Correction, I feel like I have no control over my life and what I do. I'm feeling extremely unmotivated for no particular reason, school has become even more of a chore than it has been in the past (which is hard to believe). I stay up until almost 7am every day, and might wake up at any time between 11am and 4pm. For some reason I'm always hungry, but never want to eat, which has resulted in me losing about 8lbs over the course of 3 weeks or so. None of this is really significant, so I won't go into detail over that, I just felt it was worth noting my current state of mind.
The primary issue here is that I can't regain control of my life. After graduating high school, I stayed at home to go to community college. Shortly after attending a few classes, I realized college was something that I simply didn't need. I intend to start my own business anyway, so a degree isn't an issue. Taking the classes is becoming a waste of money, and even more importantly, a massive waste of my time. As a full time student, I spend a large amount of time doing work for my classes, or otherwise going to classes. This makes it nearly impossible to do work for the business I am in the process of starting. On top of that, considering how absolutely and utterly useless I consider my classes and schoolwork, it takes a lot out of me to simply sit down and convince myself to do any of that work. In high school, I simply didn't do homework because I felt it was a massive waste of time. Same concept here, except that's all of your grade, so I have to make myself do it. And don't get me wrong, I understand the importance of education, it's simply the snail's pace of learning and meaningless repetition of menial tasks that I don't understand. Sitting in the classes makes me angry, doing the work makes me angry, thinking about the work makes me angry. "So why not drop out?" you might ask. Well, as a matter of fact, I would very much LIKE to drop out. I've actually discussed the matter with my parents multiple times. But they are paying for it, and they feel like dropping out now would make me somehow ungrateful and stupid. They are under the impression that if I don't get a degree, I'll be homeless by the time I'm 50. What they don't understand is that if I become homeless by attempting to start my business and failing, I'd be happier than if I had merely given up and gotten some desk job working for people that won't even look at me, much less respect me (no matter what degrees I may have). Anyway, my horrible attitude toward my classes makes it nearly impossible for me to get good grades. By some miracle I made the deans list last year, but this year, I'm already tempted to stop doing any and all assignments. I don't really know how to handle this situation. I know for a fact that college won't be necessary for my success. I know for a fact that I will be successful with the business I intend to start. What's happening now is delaying that success, and potentially giving it to someone who might want to start before I finish getting a fancy piece of paper that says I'm better than they are, even though they're the one with the successful business, and I'd be the one working for them.
To sum things up: College is a waste of time for me. I don't want to go. My parents will have absolutely none of that. They call me ungrateful and arrogant. They say that I don't understand the real world and need to wake up. They say that I should just buckle down and do it, even though I know for a fact that I'll be successful doing what I intend to do (which requires no degree). All they are doing is delaying that.
They won't listen, and I don't have the money to move out. This is largely a result of the fact that if I had a job, I would literally have NO time to work on my own business. My business won't bring in money until we get our first product finished, which would likely take 6-10months of full time work. I was intending to simply work on it while taking classes and such, but I'm finding that largely impossible. Going to school and doing the work simply saps all motivation out of me.
Let me not make this too long. There's more to this than just school, but that's one of the biggest parts. I feel horrible and unmotivated, and am becoming fairly angry at the whole scenario. Like I said, looking at it objectively, it seems fairly normal, and I shouldn't feel this way, but for some reason I just can't deal with it all. I've been thinking about this stuff for a while, but all that ends up coming to mind is anger over the entire situation, no solutions or anything. The stress of it all it getting to me, and I'm not 100% sure how to handle it at this point. Maybe I'm understating things a bit, but this doesn't seem too serious of a situation, I just can't handle it for some reason. If anyone has any advice, I'd be happy to listen. I can't come up with anything, and I can't talk to my parents (as I've tried that and failed multiple times now). Thanks for taking the time to read this, as I ended up typing more than originally intended. I'm not really sure if I got the message across, but thanks anyways, even if nobody responds.
edit--
I guess I should explain why I hate school so much. I learn things very quickly. I can't stand to sit around and do nothing. I want to do things that are productive. School is not productive. It teaches basic theoretical knowledge of things that are largely useless in the real world. It teaches almost no practical knowledge of any sort, and even the theoretical knowledge could easily be learned in a fraction of the time it takes college professors to teach it. I learned all of the course material for one class 4 days before the class began. This wasn't intentional, however it demonstrates that I'm simply not suited for the step by step, repetitive, mindless, and almost insulting class environment that I'm forced to "learn" in, if you can call it that. That's the basic idea. I could go more in depth, but like I said, I don't want this to be too long (as it is already). Just felt that needed some explaining.
Last edited by no_Brakes : 17-09-2013 at 08:49 AM.
Reason: Added some details
Is there any rush to start your own business? You may be learning things that are irrelevant at the moment but you're also picking up a number of skills such as social skills, learning how to work within a team, and a reasonable level of education in a number of areas of life - all of which are important if you are running a business (even if the link is subtle). Then you've got your whole life ahead! :)
The problem with getting a job would be that it's an indefinite replacement for college, and doesn't really serve as a solution. That simply means that I'll be spending my time working rather than going to class and doing homework. Given, I'll be getting paid for it, but then I'll get stuck in the cycle of doing simple work like that.
Well, there are multiple people involved in this business already. We're already in the process of developing our first product. It's not like I can just say "yeah, you know what, let's hold off a few years first." Like I said, if I could work full time in development, we could have this entire project done within 6-10 months, and we stand to make tens of thousands if not more out of the ordeal. It's not necessarily a matter of rushing, it's more a matter of practicality. The skills to work in a team are something I've been using since I started working with the people I currently work with. We've been doing miscellaneous projects for free for multiple years. Now that all of us have graduated high school, we want to spend all of our time working on a full time project. Finishing this project stands to make more than working a full time job for the same amount of time. Going to college stands to lose money and waste my time with things I could learn outside of college, or things I already know. As far as education in multiple subjects, most of that can be learned easily online, or is unnecessary. I've been going to college for 2 years now and see no need to continue. I've given it a shot, and have learned absolutely nothing from the ordeal other than the fact that it is an exorbitant waste of money and time.
Given that it was my idea in the first place to start this business, it would seem silly to simply put everything on hold so that I can continue wasting my time pleasing my parents. My business partners have no intention of waiting to start their business venture, and my non-participation would likely lead to a separation. While I'm confident I could make it without them, I know for a fact that I'd be more successful with them. I completely understand that I have my entire life ahead of me, but that's exactly why I'd like to start now. I don't see the purpose of waiting when I know I could be doing something right now. If my parents would only give me a chance to finish this one project, I would be able to earn enough money to move out and provide for myself until the next project is completed, at which point I could continue providing for myself indefinitely.
At the very least, even assuming college was somewhat beneficial, there's nothing that I will retain with my current mindset. I'm quite confident that if I received a degree right now, I would likely burn it or flush it down the toilet. I feel like that's the only way to prove how little it really matters to me. If my parents would be satisfied with an associates degree, I wouldn't have any problems, but wasting more time and money makes it worse. Not to mention the fact that I'm wasting my parents' money. I don't want them to pay for me. I understand they feel like it's a necessary thing to do, but they simply don't understand my feelings. They don't have the money for this, so how could I possibly do this without feeling guilty? They won't allow me to take student loans, and I'm too average to receive any big scholarships. This is the reason I went to community college in the first place, but if I continue, I'll be forced to go to a university. I really wouldn't be able to live with myself if I knew I was forcing my parents to pay tens of thousands for something I simply won't ever use. How could someone not feel guilt in that situation?
Anyways, I've stopped being able to think, as it's around 7am. I said more than I wanted to anyways. One of the biggest issues here is that my parents aren't wealthy, yet they pay for everything. I try to provide for myself where I can, doing odd jobs, paying for my own car, my own food, and everything else, but they want to pay for me to go to college because they think that's the only way I can be successful. They don't take my business plans seriously, and it's kind of insulting. They mean well, I understand that much, but I feel like they're getting in my way more than they are helping me. Explaining any of this to them only makes them angry.
Talking too much again. I've got a lot on my mind, and I can't help writing it all because I type too quickly. Typing really quickly has its advantages, but in these cases, it makes it almost impossible to condense your thoughts. I end up just typing the first things that come to mind. Anyways, like I said, it's 7am here, so I'm going to try to get some sleep. Thanks for the quick responses so far.
Last edited by no_Brakes : 17-09-2013 at 01:10 PM.
Reason: typo
