I'm going in-patient now. I'm not sure how long it will be. It was initially short term but because I'm meant to be going to a specialist unit, it could be until then.
*hugs Tig* hope being inpatient helps you, take care in there.
*hugs Colour* how are you doing?
*hugs Mark* hope you have an ok evening at your parents and sisters. I'm jealous of you living in the brecon beacons! your place sounds ideal.
how is everyone?
I'm feeling pretty positive, I'll briefly (I hope!) fill you in on today, as I said I was going to the armed forces careers office to discuss joining the army. So I went and I was terrified, had to stand outside for about 10 mins to calm down, but eventually went in and spoke to the army man. Firstly he said he couldn't discuss any medical stuff with me, but then he said lets go in a side room, as the main desk was in front of others. So we went into a side room and I told him I have asthma and mental health problems. He said he wouldn't discuss the mental health problems with me, because that was up to me (not too sure what that meant, but he didn't say it would stop me joining) he then said that with asthma you have to have not been prescribed an inhaler for a minimum of 5 years and I was last prescribed one a few months ago. So he said he would have to decline my application today, but he said to come back in a few years if my asthma was sorted. When I left at first I was upset and gutted, but then I thought well my asthma is mild and I've not had an attack for a long while and have never had a very serious attack. So as I was seeing my GP later that day I thought I would ask her about it. Then as I was walking to the barbers and while sat having my hair cut I was thinking. Five years gives me time to finish my degree, to have chest surgery and a hystoectomy, to work on therapy and eventually come off my psych meds and to get my fitness to a really good level. Then I started feeling a lot more positive about it and felt like I actually had an aim and a goal for the first time in a long while. I had text my mum to tell her what the guy had said and she rang me to have a chat, she basically said my plan is really good and I have a goal and I should go for it. Then I went to see my GP and I went into the appointment in a really positive mood and I think my dr was shocked when I said I'm ok, cos usually I go and I say I feel like ****. But I told her about my plans and she has taken me off my asthma med and is then going to decrease my inhalers down slowly if I am ok without the med. She did however mention my weight gain (mean i knew I have gained weight, but her saying it made it feel more real) and she wondered why that is, I said it was a combination of the olanzapine and being in hospital for 3 months, so stuck indoors with no where to exercise. She said if I remain ok over the next few months then she could decrease the olanzapine. But I know I need to loose weight and in a way this has given me the kick start too, plus exercising will be good for the army.
In August I have arranged to meet up with an army bandmaster, who started off playing french horn in the army, so I can have a good long chat to him about everything I want to know abou the army and being an army musician, as the guy today wasn't the most helpful.
Sorry that's so long, but basically I'm feeling pretty positive about things, I even threw away my pills I had brought which I planned to OD with.
*hugs all*
"Never be a spectator of unfairness or studpidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." Christopher Hitchens
'When words fail, music speaks'
I am transsexual and homoromantic and proud to be.
Sorry for individualising post :(. Struggling so much.
My CPN had a meeting with my dad and my step mum and rang me later saying it went well. But as I was still suicidal he said we would talk about it when we meet next(which is Tuesday). The bf rang my CPN to say I had two boxes of pills and was most likely to od again. He literally rang me straight after; he was completely pissed of saying I wasn't trying and he didn't know what to do anymore. He said we have to have a serious conversation about this as he doesn't think anything is working :/. Which has made me feel more suicidal. He's already warned me if I od again hes written in my notes to section me as he says I'm a really good liar when talking to the on duty psych. So now I'm worried because I feel the urge and things are bad and when my cpn suggested hospital I said no and when I asked about it the next day he said its not going to make difference as it wasn't safe enough for you the first time. He was like it will only make a difference if u r sectioned or go to a secure unit. Now I have no clue about what's going on. I have no support for the weekend and I'm struggling!!
Ballerina123 - My lovely superstar
Call me R -
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time - Abraham Lincoln
I know thats the issue. :(. I was going to agree however he doesn't want me to be voluntary (he has sort of hinted it) as he thinks it's not safe enough for me :(.
Ballerina123 - My lovely superstar
Call me R -
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time - Abraham Lincoln
