When my mum died when i was 9; i wrote a letter to my mum explaining her what had happened and that i missed and everything i thought and i knew, what i expected from life without her and things. it was the only thing that made me realise she wasnt coming back. I put the other letter with her, so she could one day answer those questions i had.
What i want to say is that its okay to cry as your going to be in the environment where all your emotions are at the surface and anything will push you over the edge.
Goodluck at the viewing today. I hope it goes smoothley and you manage to say goodbye whether it is in person or from a distant - it doesnt matter. Like Liv said if you cant do it when your there you dont have to its okay to walk away.
xxx
Ballerina123 - My lovely superstar
Call me R -
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time - Abraham Lincoln
Thank you all so much. Today has gone very smoothly, when I woke up I thought it would be impossible so that was quite a turn around. Went out for lunch. I bought an angel statue, small one, and I've made a little place in ny room with it, a photo and keepsakes. Then had a lot of fun this arvo with my brother, unexpected but needed.
The viewing went well. She looked amazing. I expected she would wake up any minute. I put my letter and photo in. I didn't want to leave, cause I didn't want it to be the last time I see her.
I feel ready for tomorrow but I'm ready to crash, too. Need to stay calm so I can ease back into homework.
I can't tell you how much each and every word you have all written, thank you. From the bottom of my heart.
x
So pleased that everything went as smoothly as it did.
The angel sounds such a brilliant idea with a photo. For my birthday after my mum died I was given a lovely photo of her in a butterfly frame and it makes me smile so much and i keep it next to my bed and shes the last person i see at night and the first person i see in the morning. I hope that your photo/angel gives you as happiness and strength that my photo has given me.
Can you take a day off today with your homework? jsut relax and keep calm. its going to be hard to do any work today and you may just get too stressed?
Hope everything works out for you Aimee. Thinking about you x
Ballerina123 - My lovely superstar
Call me R -
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time - Abraham Lincoln
Thank you all. I can't tell you how valuable this support has been.
The funeral was a lovely service. The burial was tough. I've been gentle and taken the day off to just grieve.
I'm starting to feel really down. I was numb or griefy but now I am struggling with the idea of life. I'm going to keep trying though. But it feels like everything is going to be tough.
Update: my mood has gone flying up exponentially and its the wierdest thing ever, im supposed to be sad and grieving not thinking of painting butterflies on my wall and getting a tattoo, its all so fast and I'm glad I told my psych cause i feel very out of sorts. Funeral song has come back in my head and I want to tear it out. GP tomorr thankfully
Last edited by Snow White. : 07-05-2012 at 01:42 PM.
Thank you for asking, I really appreciate it. My mood has dropped a lot, I spent all morning in bed and when I got up just now and saw my reflection the thoughts of suicide have got even stronger. I'm feeling a bit scared because of how strong they are. I hate myself and I can't see myself living like this for much longer, I am disgusting.
So far I've been able to keep safe. A&E is a really, really last resort for me so I'm trying to do everything else. I watched some of Toy Story earlier and now trying to do some homework. I'm not sure how long I want to keep this up before I let myself get worse. I know I have to stick around for Mother's Day so that's something at least.
It might be that if it gets worse I make a more recent appointment with my psychologist or doctor, but I don't see what they can do to at this point.
No worries Aimee.
How are you doing now?
I'm glad you've been able to keep safe so far, that's great. Great job.
I think seeing your psychologist or doctor is a really good idea, just to let them know that you are having such a rough time. They might be able to provide some extra support. Or just someone to talk/vent to.
Thinking of you and hoping you are ok
Ash
I'm having a really bad night, I'm so scared that I feel ill. I want to die and fade away. I was having a bath and planning my homework I would do, then realised instead I wish i was dead (like my nan) and started planning that.
Im in bed now trying to keep safe, reading a tip sheet about dealing with suicidal feelings. Your post encouraged me to make an appointment, can't see my psych for ages but got in with my GP Monday. I hope that's okay. She said to see her if it got worse im sure.
What is going on?!? :(
Update: I cancelled the doctors appointment, I just can't are her and im doing ok yo manage this on my own.
Last edited by Snow White. : 11-05-2012 at 11:53 AM.
Hi Aimee,
If your planning to be dead then you should try going to your gp. She might be able to help you a little bit and try to keep to keep you safe. Is it possible you can rebook the appointment? Your not alone in this situation and were all rooting for you to pull through.
Keep fighting
x
Ballerina123 - My lovely superstar
Call me R -
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time - Abraham Lincoln
Please Aimee, don't be alone with this. Even if you think you can manage to get through this alone you could try speaking to your doctor to help you to make a plan for how to cope with the difficult times. Whatever you do please stay safe.
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Please go to the Drs Aimee.
You really need the support. One step closer is right, you don't need to be alone with this. Well done for reading the tip sheet for how to cope with suicidal feelings, that's really good.
Please keep us updated.
Hi all, thank you, I'm sorry to have got you concerned.
I'm feeling better but have taken tomorrow off uni. I can't face people, I can't face the social group, and if things get worse it means I can make an appointment with my GP too. I'll see how tonight goes. But I'm feeling less impulsive and scared now, although the thoughts haven't entirely gone.
I am glad mother's day is over at least. But part of me is glad that it is over because I didn't want to kill myself before it. I still just wish my heart would stop.
I'm so sad.
I'm sorry to bump this thread, it hardly warrants it, but I wanted to show my huge appreciation for your support <3
Hey Aimee,
I'm so glad you are feeling a bit better. I still think you should make the GP appointment despite feeling a bit better. I really do think you should make the appointment whether or not you feel worse/better. You need and deserve the support. You are still passively suicidal and that is not a good sign.
I wish you weren't feeling so sad.
Keep us updated
And yes it warrants a bump.
Take gentle care.
Ash
I want to die. I feel sick with living, of knowing how fat and disgusting my face is, i am. But I don't have a date, the dates are all inconsequential. Think ill buy the tool and wait. I always maintained id never by it but its not a problem unless I act on it. Maybe ill see my psychologist if i can. But nobody can make this okay, except me, and im too weak.
