Mom??

Darkwings44 · 22-10-2023, 02:27 AM

During my stay at the hospital my mom broke down and she cried so much she told me that she was really at fault for everything that has happened to me and every time I talk to her about the stuff that I?m going through she feels like she?s to blame because she gave me life???

I get it?.ok I do?. but how can she say that!!!!! SHE ISN'T AT ALL AT FAULT!!!!!!! I AM at fault!!!!!!! I chose to fight for myself and and since then I?ve been paying for the mistake my whole life!!!!!!!! I hate myself for being alive??. but I don?t want my mom to know???

I can?t even tell her how much I feel and how shattered I?ve become???..because I don?t want my mom to be hurt anymore because of me?..

I love her I have to build a wall between us so that she doesn’t get hurt anymore because I don’t want my mommy to be hurt at all

If I can I will try to avoid talking with her about the problems and my thoughts and feelings that I have………

one_step_closer · 22-10-2023, 03:51 PM

Things are neither your fault or your Mum's fault but unfortunately you can't control how other people feel. Maybe you could support each other. I know a bit of what you mean though as I don't tell my brother about how I really feel because of how upset he would be.

nonperson · 22-10-2023, 07:37 PM

Parents feel a huge amount of personal responsibility for your wellbeing. What hurts you will always hurt them too.

But I get it. Seeing my mum so upset by things I've been going through has also made me want to protect her from it by keeping it all to myself.

Darkwings44 · 23-10-2023, 02:52 AM

I love my mom and knowing that I hurt her just makes me feel like If I wasn’t apart of the family maybe it would be better for my mom and dad

Darkwings44 · 23-10-2023, 02:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nonperson

Parents feel a huge amount of personal responsibility for your wellbeing. What hurts you will always hurt them too.

But I get it. Seeing my mum so upset by things I've been going through has also made me want to protect her from it by keeping it all to myself.

So there?s no escape from making my mom feel sad and upset about me

Zurg · 23-10-2023, 11:04 AM

Being sad about someone close to you isn't solely a negative thing, Darkwings. It means there is love. We Think we protect people when we stay silent but then we also deprive them of the chance to help and support us.
By trying to protect your mum, you're causing damage to yourself, which when then somehow reflect back to your mum and cause sadness and guilt. It's okay to say how you feel, if you are sad, hurting and lonely. Trust is a sign of love.

long road · 23-10-2023, 01:02 PM

Also when someone knows you are struggling. Then when you stop telling them what's going on to try and protect them generally they worry more. As they don't know what's going on. At least that's what my partner has told me, especially when they see you. He can tell when I am feeling bd whether I say anything or not.

Darkwings44 · 30-10-2023, 02:27 AM

This weekend I went home and tried to let her know about stuff a little that was going on and I was told to tell the caseworker about it but I don’t want them to know what happened with M and me when he groped me