Graphic - just let me die

[kaidanalenko]

I'm so sorry you've had a hard life *huggles* im very hooked on anime and i do watch how i met your mother. last night i cut my thighs for the very first time. I can't walk without wincing and i did it again this morning. i hate myself because I know that they'll be there forever and I want to cry. my friends will never EVER forgive me now if they see them or if i tell them when i break down. Im hurting all over now

[SownSky]

Look on the bright side, at-least you have friends

[kaidanalenko]

not much. two of my friends bitch about me. one saw my cuts (by accident) and muttered to her friend "suicidal much". the friend i know she tells me that i should stop but...it's so hard. i ve gone nearly 3 days without cutting but i want to again because of all the bullying in school.

[SownSky]

What do you want your friends to do. Compliment you on the technique you use to cut yourself. They care for you. Also, two is better than 0.

[metal_fiddler]

congratulations for going 3 days keep it going i belive in you, have you tried explaning to your friends that cutting is not a suicidal gesture but rather a coping method, maybe if they understood better why you self harm they would be able to deal with it better. for people who dont understand it can be quite scary and rather then show fear people make snide comment or contemptuous remarks as they try and make sense of it. whats going on in terms of bullying is this new or ongoing?im really sorry you are being hurt by others. let me know if theres any way i can help pm me if you want

[kaidanalenko]

no they don't. they dont care for anyone. i thought they were my friends until they started making fun of my religion, my friends and everything about me. i thought that they would at least be sensible enough to not laugh about something this serious...guess i was wrong.
The bullying isn't old or new. it started when i broke up with a guy after three days, everyone started calling me desperate and pushing me, and bringing me to the ground. and if i told the two "friends" that i was suicidal then the whole school would know and my mom would find out and then i would have to start going to a therapist again. i hate them now because they made me cry when they said that and i cried in front of everyone

[angeldevil123]

why don't do you tell her that you are really struggling at the moment and explain to her you need help now.
Call your crisis number
Get in touch with CPN/care-ordinator

[kaidanalenko]

i hate my mother. shes part of the reason im suicidal always never being there and never watching me grow up. shes never been there for me.
am i wrong for not feeling anything when i cut? no pain, no sadness, no regret? i feel sick inside. im fucked up.

[kaidanalenko]

just cut again because i had a fight with my sister. i said so many things i didn't mean but they came out anyway. the weird thing is we say we won't ever talk to each other ever again but the net day we're talking to each other no matter how bad the fight is.
I had bpd. i thought i just had depression but i don't. i cried all last night thinking over and over "why me? why did this have to happen to me?"
and then i would just cut, cut, cut. Ive been cutting a lot more lately all because of some guy (who i previously i stopped cutting for, but he doesn't know im like this) but yesterday a friend told me he hated me and that just made me feel really bad. now i hate him but i know it won't last because it didn't last long before. i knew i wasn't over him but i told myself i was. I'm getting worse and worse by the day because of oll the things my sister and my friend said. Im just sick like this and last night was nearly breaking point. Im so tired of everyone in my life, im tired of thinking and doing the same things over and over again. I want this over but im too much off a coward to do it. but then im a coward for doing, so im told.